revised PS, be a boss and tell me how it is

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szb5058
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revised PS, be a boss and tell me how it is

Postby szb5058 » Wed Aug 08, 2012 10:34 am

deleted.
Last edited by szb5058 on Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Spritzpiggy
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Re: revised PS, be a boss and tell me how it is

Postby Spritzpiggy » Wed Aug 08, 2012 11:30 am

I read your original as well. This is a million times better
There are some strange parts though - he stands up for his country because he's... Built well? Im sure his motivations were more than just a strong arm and quick mind. Theres some strange stuff like that, but all in all this is a mich better ps than the original. I love the intro

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inthebeginning
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Re: revised PS, be a boss and tell me how it is

Postby inthebeginning » Wed Aug 08, 2012 11:35 am

think this is great, just lose the last sentence.




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