Second draft... rip it apart

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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rufus&miles
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Second draft... rip it apart

Postby rufus&miles » Mon Aug 06, 2012 10:36 am

**** removed ****
Last edited by rufus&miles on Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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CorkBoard
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Re: Second draft... rip it apart

Postby CorkBoard » Mon Aug 06, 2012 10:43 am

There is a ton of terminology in here and it basically just describes what you did for a job, which is boring when it goes on for too long. You don't want to bombard the reader with that stuff.

Cut a lot of this and integrate some sort of theme besides what you did at work.

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rufus&miles
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Re: Second draft... rip it apart

Postby rufus&miles » Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:02 pm

.
Last edited by rufus&miles on Wed Apr 10, 2013 12:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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CorkBoard
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Re: Second draft... rip it apart

Postby CorkBoard » Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:05 pm

rufus&miles wrote:Yeah, that's what I thought. I felt like I should focus on why I wanted to change careers, do you think that is something I still focus on in this statement?

I mean, you could. Or you could pick something else to write about entirely. It's really up to you, but resume regurgitation is, as you can see from other PS critiques, generally frowned upon.

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rufus&miles
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Re: Second draft... rip it apart

Postby rufus&miles » Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:10 pm

.




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