"Why Law" Good Or Bad?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
vdog
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 7:29 pm

"Why Law" Good Or Bad?

Postby vdog » Wed Aug 01, 2012 5:40 pm

Doodie...
Last edited by vdog on Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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icecold3000
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:50 am

Re: "Why Law" Good Or Bad?

Postby icecold3000 » Thu Aug 02, 2012 12:56 pm

Mediocre at best, this personal statement reads like a resume with fluff. Although your theme is "Why Law," I am still unsure why you want to go to law school. Is it because you have a tolerance for doing work that others consider boring? The major problem, however, is that by focusing exclusively (and in IMO half-heartedly) on "why law," you have lost the personal aspect of the personal statement. As written, this reveals little about you as an individual.

With that said, here are a few more concrete suggestions:

In my first Business Law class, Professor Pizza, a petite and middle-aged Italian woman, stated that a lawyer’s task is to apply set rules to individual cases.

Why does it matter that she is a petite and middle-aged Italian woman? Get rid of any words or phrases that to not add meaning and content to your personal statement.

It may seem strange, then, that I chose to work as a legal assistant for an employment law office in the summer of junior year

No. It really doesn't seem strange. Why would it seem strange that an aspiring law student would work in a law firm? Is this really what you meant to write?
My method took more time, but it helped me construct a more accurate story with defined personalities for each party. Because of this nuanced preparation, I was able to identify potential witnesses for deposition and draft better customized questions for them.

Is there anyway you could be more specific/engaging with this whole paragraph in general? Perhaps a short story about how you looked up someone's facebook and figured out she was lying in their deposition.
Nonetheless, along with the numerous conversations I had with lawyers and law students, my summer job helped confirm my decision to apply to XXX Law School.

Be warned, usually nonsense follows after sentences such as this. Maybe you should write a "Why X" statement.

With all that said, I think there is a lot of potential here. You write well and still have plenty of time to get it right.

vdog
Posts: 34
Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 7:29 pm

Re: "Why Law" Good Or Bad?

Postby vdog » Thu Aug 02, 2012 2:12 pm

icecold3000 wrote:Mediocre at best, this personal statement reads like a resume with fluff. Although your theme is "Why Law," I am still unsure why you want to go to law school. Is it because you have a tolerance for doing work that others consider boring? The major problem, however, is that by focusing exclusively (and in IMO half-heartedly) on "why law," you have lost the personal aspect of the personal statement. As written, this reveals little about you as an individual.


This is a why law statement focused specifically on answering why I want to go to law school, not my personal statement (where I'll get more personal). Some of the schools I'm applying to require it, so might as well follow the rules and write one. Essentially, I want to show that I've done my homework about the field and that my decision is informed. When it comes down to it, I got interested after taking Business Law and talking with my professor, then decided to apply to law school after doing some more research by talking with law students and lawyers and taking on some important responsibilities as a legal assistant. Nothing more, nothing less.

No. It really doesn't seem strange. Why would it seem strange that an aspiring law student would work in a law firm? Is this really what you meant to write?


Sorry this wasn't clear. I'll fix it. I wanted to say that employment litigation isn't related to corporate law (I'm more interested in contracts and negotiations), but I took the offer because I knew that I was going to get a lot of hands-on, law-related experience from this position. My friends who've had law internships basically did secretarial work the whole summer, so to be able to do the things I did was too good to pass up.

Is there anyway you could be more specific/engaging with this whole paragraph in general? Perhaps a short story about how you looked up someone's facebook and figured out she was lying in their deposition.


Good idea, although I don't know how I could tie that in without it detracting from my goal. I could write something about a small case that I worked on, where I discovered a history of undiscovered numerous counts of illegal and reckless activity by the defendant and the passenger on Twitter.

Be warned, usually nonsense follows after sentences such as this. Maybe you should write a "Why X" statement.


This is technically a "Why Law/Why X" statement, as I'm only using this for the requirement for the few that require it. It's not nearly as personal as my personal statement or diversity statement, but I don't see how a "Why Law" needs to be touchy-feely.

With all that said, I think there is a lot of potential here. You write well and still have plenty of time to get it right.


Thanks for the word of encouragement.

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icecold3000
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:50 am

Re: "Why Law" Good Or Bad?

Postby icecold3000 » Thu Aug 02, 2012 2:23 pm

Wow, I feel silly now. I suppose that if the school wants you to demonstrate that you are making an informed decision about law school, and that was your objective, then you have done a wonderful job. Good luck!




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