Please Critique (First Draft) Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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PS2012
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 10:55 am

Please Critique (First Draft) Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Postby PS2012 » Tue Jul 31, 2012 11:08 am

Thanks all
Last edited by PS2012 on Mon Aug 06, 2012 2:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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nickb285
Posts: 1500
Joined: Mon Jul 16, 2012 4:25 pm

Re: Please Critique (First Draft) Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Postby nickb285 » Tue Jul 31, 2012 2:45 pm

A few thoughts:

1. Parts of it are a bit preachy, especially where you talk about having to restrain yourself from lecturing people, and even more so the unnecessary aside about the carbon footprint of paper bags.

2. The stuff you did in high school might be a good place to start, but it was also a long time ago. You might want to mention this as one of your early efforts to raise awareness of environmental issues, as part of a broader PS regarding your interest in the environment and how it's grown or changed over time, but it shouldn't be the centerpiece of your PS.

3. Discussion of policy and legislation makes it sound like you're more interested in being a politician or a lobbyist than a lawyer. If you're going to have a paragraph that discusses your interest in environmental law specifically, you should center it around things that a lawyer does, not things that you could do with or without a JD.

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bowser
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Re: Please Critique (First Draft) Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Postby bowser » Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:03 pm

I agree with most of the poster above.

It's a good topic, and shows some really positive aspects about you: your initiative, ability to research, passion, etc. I would like to maybe see something which shows how your interest has evolved since high school, and perhaps grown more sophisticated or specific. (although the fact that you applied yourself so early is a strong mark in your favor--I would still stress it, like you do here)

I think you could maybe try to link your environmental passion to a more generalized desire to be a lawyer--why do you think you'd be good at it, why it appeals to you, etc. Here it sounds more like you are emphasizing the environment over everything else; you seem to think that law is just a means to achieve that goal. Which isn't a terrible reason in itself maybe, but like the poster above says doesn't give a great explanation as to why you'd think you'd excel as a lawyer as opposed to a lobbyist/politician.

PS2012
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 10:55 am

Re: Please Critique (First Draft) Thanks so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Postby PS2012 » Tue Jul 31, 2012 3:10 pm

Thanks for your comments!

To Bowser- I want to go to law school specially to do environmental law. Do you think focusing on the type of law I hope to practice will hurt me? Or do you mean I should explain more clearly why law school instead of getting a masters in public policy?

Any other opinions?




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