LGBT first draft PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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LGBT first draft PS

Postby intheboat » Sat Jul 21, 2012 4:06 pm

you guys are right. I think I'll consider another topic
Last edited by intheboat on Sat Jul 21, 2012 6:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: LGBT first draft PS

Postby nickb285 » Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:18 pm

intheboat wrote:sexual journey

This is not a good phrase. I'd rework that sentence into something that makes it clearer that you're attempting to describe coming to terms with your sexual orientation; right now it sounds like you're about to start talking about your sex life.

Sorry I don't have more suggestions, but I'm about to head out the door and that one jumped out at me.

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Re: LGBT first draft PS

Postby PaulKriske » Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:46 pm

i have no idea why this sells you as a good candidate for a T10 law school.

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facile princeps
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Re: LGBT first draft PS

Postby facile princeps » Sat Jul 21, 2012 6:06 pm

tl;dr version:

I knew i was gay as early as age 8. I stayed in the closet until i was 16. It's wrong for society to cause gay people to hide. I want to be a lawyer to help move society in the right direction. So, NYU, you should accept me because you're a great law school and you're in the most important city in the world.

OP, i'm not a good critic, but that's how i read it. It doesn't sound convincing. The main thing i learned about you from this is that you're a gay person that opposes society's presumed limited acceptance of you. That's not a unique quality, if at all. I'd suggest you try to make it more interesting. Hopefully someone else can give you some better feedback.

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