First Draft - Football PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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thelawschoolproject
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby thelawschoolproject » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:28 am

lulz.


1). Your PS doesn't need to explain why you're going to be a great lawyer.

2). Your PS doesn't even need to show an interest in law.

The key to a good PS is that it's personal.


OP, it's great that you're so confident in what you have, but it's a very sub-par personal statement. It's to your benefit to exclude football and rewrite this.

79radiohead
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Sat Jul 21, 2012 1:38 pm

OK - I never said I was confident in what I had. All I said was that I was having conflicting reviews (some positive and some negative) and expressing the fact that I was having trouble using both the positive and negative critiques to help me with my edits. I was always told that expressing why you want to be a lawyer is a faux pas because more times than not, it comes across canned and the adcomms get bored. I had posted another PS on here that more concentrated on the bad relationship I had with my mother and the contrast of the relationship I had with my daughter, but that PS was pretty much battered to crap on here because I sounded too much like a victim. Then I posted another version of that one with less negativity, and the comments on here were that the second one did not show anything about me personally. SOOOOO - I am just trying to narrow down what you all feel is most important (obviously not everyone is going to agree, but looking for kind of a majority viewpoint if that makes sense). Here are some points about me that could potentially be useful in a PS:

1. Die hard football/Bucs fan

2. I am single mom, daughters dad hasnt seen her in almost 9 years.

3. I work in real estate, but that career is not really what makes me tick.

4. Have always loved the law and wanted to be a lawyer - but I cant use this because everyone does

5. I like to draw

6. Music is a big part of my life

7. I am pretty funny (according to all of my friends)

8. I used to street race (probably not the best thing to mention in a PS to law schools)

9. I am older. I am 33 and just finishing undergrad, due to being a single mom, dad having a stroke, taking care of family etc. However, pretty bad relationship with my folks.

So I could maybe get you guys' inout on which one to expand upon.

Thanks to everyone who has been helpful thus far :)

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CorkBoard
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby CorkBoard » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:01 pm

79radiohead wrote:I am just trying to narrow down what you all feel is most important


79radiohead wrote:2. I am single mom


HTH
Last edited by CorkBoard on Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

rad lulz
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby rad lulz » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:02 pm

79radiohead wrote:1. Die hard football/Bucs fan

2. I am single mom, daughters dad hasnt seen her in almost 9 years.

I like how you put "Die hard Bucs fan" before being a mom.

thederangedwang
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby thederangedwang » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:08 pm

rad lulz wrote:
79radiohead wrote:1. Die hard football/Bucs fan

2. I am single mom, daughters dad hasnt seen her in almost 9 years.

I like how you put "Die hard Bucs fan" before being a mom.

supporting the bucs is a full time job now...layoffs you know.. :wink:

79radiohead
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:15 pm

rad lulz wrote:
79radiohead wrote:1. Die hard football/Bucs fan

2. I am single mom, daughters dad hasnt seen her in almost 9 years.

I like how you put "Die hard Bucs fan" before being a mom.


Dude, being a Bucs fan came first (before I became a mom). Let me clarify - MY LIST IS NOT IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE - Geez

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CorkBoard
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby CorkBoard » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:16 pm

79radiohead wrote:
rad lulz wrote:
79radiohead wrote:1. Die hard football/Bucs fan

2. I am single mom, daughters dad hasnt seen her in almost 9 years.

I like how you put "Die hard Bucs fan" before being a mom.


Dude, being a Bucs fan came first (before I became a mom). Let me clarify - MY LIST IS NOT IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE - Geez

Were you a Bucs fan before you were funny, too?

thederangedwang
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby thederangedwang » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:17 pm

Now ladies, lets play nice here.

79radiohead
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:26 pm

CorkBoard wrote:
79radiohead wrote:
rad lulz wrote:
79radiohead wrote:1. Die hard football/Bucs fan

2. I am single mom, daughters dad hasnt seen her in almost 9 years.

I like how you put "Die hard Bucs fan" before being a mom.


Dude, being a Bucs fan came first (before I became a mom). Let me clarify - MY LIST IS NOT IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE - Geez

Were you a Bucs fan before you were funny, too?


Hmm, I'm not sure - were you a smartass before you became a law student? if we can stop trying to decide whose penis is the largest, do any of you have any useful comments?

79radiohead
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:27 pm

thederangedwang wrote:Now ladies, lets play nice here.


:wink:

79radiohead
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Sat Jul 21, 2012 2:32 pm

Obviously being a mom is the most important thing on my list and the biggest part of my life. However, a large part of that story kind of makes me seem like a victim and that is not what I want to portray. And while I do have childcare in place for law school I am a little worried that adcomms might feel that I won't have a support system to make it through school.

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CorkBoard
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby CorkBoard » Sat Jul 21, 2012 5:13 pm

79radiohead wrote:Obviously being a mom is the most important thing on my list and the biggest part of my life. However, a large part of that story kind of makes me seem like a victim and that is not what I want to portray. And while I do have childcare in place for law school I am a little worried that adcomms might feel that I won't have a support system to make it through school.

There's nothing wrong with your story as long as, in the end, you overcome and work through the problem. It seems like you have, IMO.

Again, if you want help, don't criticize or complain when you get it.

79radiohead
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Sat Jul 21, 2012 7:58 pm

CorkBoard wrote:
79radiohead wrote:Obviously being a mom is the most important thing on my list and the biggest part of my life. However, a large part of that story kind of makes me seem like a victim and that is not what I want to portray. And while I do have childcare in place for law school I am a little worried that adcomms might feel that I won't have a support system to make it through school.

There's nothing wrong with your story as long as, in the end, you overcome and work through the problem. It seems like you have, IMO.

Again, if you want help, don't criticize or complain when you get it.


Hey I appreciate the helpful comments about what I have written and thank you for that. I am not at all complaining about true criticism, just the smartass comments about my list :)

amycompton
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby amycompton » Tue Jul 24, 2012 5:52 am

Honestly, your football analogy seems super random because it is haphazardly placed in the beginning then only mentioned later on. I'm leaving it in the edits for the most part, but it needs to be reorganized in here somehow if you want to keep it at all.

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CorkBoard
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby CorkBoard » Tue Jul 24, 2012 5:58 am

amycompton wrote:Honestly, your football analogy seems super random because it is haphazardly placed in the beginning then only mentioned later on. I'm leaving it in the edits for the most part, but it needs to be reorganized in here somehow if you want to keep it at all.

What a new and original post.

79radiohead
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Tue Jul 24, 2012 3:22 pm

amycompton wrote:Honestly, your football analogy seems super random because it is haphazardly placed in the beginning then only mentioned later on. I'm leaving it in the edits for the most part, but it needs to be reorganized in here somehow if you want to keep it at all.


What do you mean by you're leaving it in the edits?

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CorkBoard
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Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby CorkBoard » Tue Jul 24, 2012 3:53 pm

79radiohead wrote:
amycompton wrote:Honestly, your football analogy seems super random because it is haphazardly placed in the beginning then only mentioned later on. I'm leaving it in the edits for the most part, but it needs to be reorganized in here somehow if you want to keep it at all.


What do you mean by you're leaving it in the edits?

amycompton is a retard who doesn't know how to quote me correctly.

79radiohead
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Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:15 pm

Re: First Draft - Football PS

Postby 79radiohead » Wed Jul 25, 2012 2:44 am

CorkBoard wrote:
79radiohead wrote:
amycompton wrote:Honestly, your football analogy seems super random because it is haphazardly placed in the beginning then only mentioned later on. I'm leaving it in the edits for the most part, but it needs to be reorganized in here somehow if you want to keep it at all.


What do you mean by you're leaving it in the edits?

amycompton is a retard who doesn't know how to quote me correctly.


Mm k :|




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