Football personal statement??

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
79radiohead
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Football personal statement??

Postby 79radiohead » Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:32 pm

I know this sounds weird, but I was considering going for a "play against type" type of statement. First off, I am female and a single mom but I am a DIE hard Tampa Bay bucs fan. The way I knew I was pregnant is because I fell asleep during a game, which is unheard of for me, lol. Is this just a dumb idea, or do you think I can make this into an effective personal statement? I am afraid that it may come off too cheesy or cliche if I go into comparing certain characteristics of the game to my life (perseverance, tenacity, discipline). I generally have a writing style that incorporates humor, but I am just stuck. Thoughts?

thederangedwang
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby thederangedwang » Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:38 pm

im assuming youre from tampa bay area? (so am i). go ahead and write it and post it on here and we will give you feedback.

Its really all about delivery (no pun intended) and how you work the pregnancy into the football theme.

79radiohead
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby 79radiohead » Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:41 pm

Yes, I have lived here all of my 33 years, lol. I have the concept in my head, but can't seem to get it on (virtual) paper. I just don't want to try and do too much with it, which I have a tendancy to do.

thederangedwang
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby thederangedwang » Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:45 pm

its not cheesy and can be an effective, unique personal statement. I'm an athlete and i chose to write about my passion for the sport and how that transferred over into the field of law...worked out well for me as i got feedback from several schools saying how they liked my personal statement....try writing the first parapaph and posting it here...we can tell if youre on the right track or not.

as an aside...props to you for still being a bucs fan after last season

79radiohead
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby 79radiohead » Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:48 pm

thederangedwang wrote:its not cheesy and can be an effective, unique personal statement. I'm an athlete and i chose to write about my passion for the sport and how that transferred over into the field of law...worked out well for me as i got feedback from several schools saying how they liked my personal statement....try writing the first parapaph and posting it here...we can tell if youre on the right track or not.

as an aside...props to you for still being a bucs fan after last season


LOL, I've heard it all! I came close to giving up last year, but with all of the coaching changes this year I see a small ray of hope. :) I am going to try and brainstorm a bit and post something here shortly.

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Nightrunner
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby Nightrunner » Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:48 pm

I've said this before, but I probably accidentally deleted that post, so I'll say it again: 99.5% of all topics might work, provided they are done correctly. I've seen "coming out" essays that changed lives, and I've seen "coming out" essays that were terrible. Hell, I even once read an abortion essay that was amazing. The number of options that are actually, totally off-limits is very small.

The most important thing is to worry less about your topic and more about how you write about your topic. Just take a stab at it. Write something, and post it here. Offer to trade essays with people, to see another perspective. The only way to find out what works is to try to make it work, and then to try again.

thederangedwang
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby thederangedwang » Sun Jul 08, 2012 7:50 pm

cool, looking forward to reading it

79radiohead
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby 79radiohead » Sun Jul 08, 2012 10:38 pm

Here goes - be nice. First draft -

One day, roughly ten years ago I fell asleep watching a Tampa Bay Buccaneers game. If anyone close to me had been in the room, they might have panicked and called 911. While many people planned their Sundays around religious activities, I planned mine around what time the game was on. I ensured that I completed all work and school related activities during the week, so I could have three carefree hours of cheering and/or hurling snack food at the television come kick-off time. Needless to say, my taking a nap during a game was a sure reason for alarm. Once I awoke and realized what had happened, I had a sinking feeling that I knew what was wrong. I hurried over to the calendar and realized - I was pregnant.

To put this pregnancy in context, I had recently ended a relationship with my boyfriend of almost four years. The dynamic between us was quite unhealthy, so sharing a child with this man was not exactly an idea that filled me with jubilation. In fact, my first trimester memories are a blur of quasi panic attacks and several variations of frozen confectionary treats. The next two trimesters were not much easier. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure) and could not walk around much without getting winded. I won't say that this was a painless time in my life, but I got through it by keeping my thoughts focused on my child. Before I knew it, I was the mother of a bouncing baby girl and all of my discomfort and doubt was gone.

Being "with child" is very different than actually having a child. Parenthood forces you to mature and it also compels you to be introspective in ways you never thought possible. In the years since my daughter was born, my initial bleak outlook has changed significantly and I see things in a strangely different way. Instead of concentrating on the fact that my daughter's father has not seen her in nine years, I focus on proving that I need not be a victim of circumstance. I did not have the means to pay for childcare when my daughter was younger, so I spent hours on the internet searching for legitimate work that I could do from home. Eventually my efforts turned into a long-term career in real estate. It took quite a bit of discipline and an exorbitant amount of patience, but nine years later I am applying to law school. I have had many friends and family members show their obvious doubt in my ability to succeed. In their opinion, I have a better chance of becoming the new coach of the Buccaneers than I do at becoming a lawyer. Sometimes this bothers me, but not enough for me to stop pursuing what I feel is right for my daughter and myself.

In a strange way, the characteristics I value in my beloved football players are the same ones that I see in myself since I became a mother. Football is a game of passion, discipline and perseverance. These players are only successful if they are truly devoted to their game. They must condition themselves mentally and physically in order to handle the rigors that come with 60 minutes on a football field. They need tenacity to be able to play their best when it appears there is no way to win the game. When it comes to being a parent, I am passionate about leading by example and showing my daughter that her future is limitless. I also ensure that I have enough self-control to make sure that my goals and decisions in life are not just about pleasing myself, but are also going to be in her best interest. My resolve does not waver when it comes to guaranteeing that my daughter is always in a nurturing and caring environment.

A decade ago I was sure that the story of my life would be appropriate fodder for a daytime talk show episode. I felt somewhat disappointed in myself and was guilty of wallowing around in self-pity for a bit too long. In retrospect, becoming a single parent was the best thing that ever happened to me. It has inspired in me a strong sense of responsibility that was lacking in my youth. It is all about balance. My ultimate goals have not changed, I just altered the game plan. Now when I watch the Buccaneers on Sundays, my daughter is there throwing Cheetos with me.

thederangedwang
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby thederangedwang » Sun Jul 08, 2012 11:32 pm

this statement sucks...sorry, not to be mean but its really bad......like worse than the bucs bad.....you framed it completely wrong.....


jk, too tired to read it/comment on it now but ill get to it sometime tmr

79radiohead
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby 79radiohead » Sun Jul 08, 2012 11:40 pm

thederangedwang wrote:this statement sucks...sorry, not to be mean but its really bad......like worse than the bucs bad.....you framed it completely wrong.....


jk, too tired to read it/comment on it now but ill get to it sometime tmr


Man I really asked for it bringing up the bucs! lol. You scared me, didn't think it was THAT bad. Let me know when u can :)

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PaulKriske
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby PaulKriske » Mon Jul 09, 2012 12:31 am

sporting themes are hackneyed.

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top30man
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby top30man » Mon Jul 09, 2012 12:43 am

PaulKriske wrote:sporting themes are hackneyed.

I agree. If you can put a unique spin on it maybe. I would avoid sports, mock tril, debate and political advocacy ps topics. But I don't think they really matter anyway.

79radiohead
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby 79radiohead » Mon Jul 09, 2012 12:50 am

top30man wrote:
PaulKriske wrote:sporting themes are hackneyed.

I agree. If you can put a unique spin on it maybe. I would avoid sports, mock tril, debate and political advocacy ps topics. But I don't think they really matter anyway.


Did you read the actual PS? I posted it a few posts above this one. If you have the time to read it, I would appreciate the feedback. Thanks :)

thederangedwang
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Re: Football personal statement??

Postby thederangedwang » Mon Jul 09, 2012 9:18 am

Ok, read over your statement. Unfortunately, I do not think this works.

The statement lacks an overall central theme that connects all the ideas you put forth. As is, it's kinda a longish statement about being pregnant, watching football, being a lawyer, then having a kid. All of these ideas aren't really connected.

A personal statement is your 10 minute interview...its your only chance to get the admissions committee a sense of your values, culture, upbringing...a sense of who you are and what drives you and why you make the ideal candidate for law school.

This is not that statement, we really don't get a sense of who you are other than that you like the bucs. Read over the statement again and you'll see what I mean..pretend you dont know who you are..what do you learn from reading the statement? Not too much.

A good idea for you I think is to look at really good personal statements others have written so you know what a good one should be like. As such, I've included a link to a whole bunch of samples that I think are really good statements.

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=4353

1) the first one by pinkelephant is very good

2) the one halfway down the first page by ChiSoxinDC is also strong

My personal favorite

3) second page, third post by Stanfordhopeful.

Notice how all three of these statements are deeply personal in the sense that you have a deeper appreciation of the person who wrote it? I feel like I know the author more after reading the statement. With yours, its a very superficial knowledge...like I know now you're a bucs fan, that you were in a bad relationship and thats it...there's no "deeper" knowledge of you.

In short, I dont have answers to the following questions

-what drives you?
-why does it drive you?
-why do you think you can handle law school?
-who are you?

Take a look at these 2 links as well

http://www.top-law-schools.com/statement.html
http://www.top-law-schools.com/personal ... mples.html

Best of luck feel free to let me know of any questions

79radiohead
Posts: 45
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 5:15 pm

Re: Football personal statement??

Postby 79radiohead » Mon Jul 09, 2012 2:18 pm

thederangedwang wrote:Ok, read over your statement. Unfortunately, I do not think this works.

The statement lacks an overall central theme that connects all the ideas you put forth. As is, it's kinda a longish statement about being pregnant, watching football, being a lawyer, then having a kid. All of these ideas aren't really connected.

A personal statement is your 10 minute interview...its your only chance to get the admissions committee a sense of your values, culture, upbringing...a sense of who you are and what drives you and why you make the ideal candidate for law school.

This is not that statement, we really don't get a sense of who you are other than that you like the bucs. Read over the statement again and you'll see what I mean..pretend you dont know who you are..what do you learn from reading the statement? Not too much.

A good idea for you I think is to look at really good personal statements others have written so you know what a good one should be like. As such, I've included a link to a whole bunch of samples that I think are really good statements.

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=4353

1) the first one by pinkelephant is very good

2) the one halfway down the first page by ChiSoxinDC is also strong

My personal favorite

3) second page, third post by Stanfordhopeful.

Notice how all three of these statements are deeply personal in the sense that you have a deeper appreciation of the person who wrote it? I feel like I know the author more after reading the statement. With yours, its a very superficial knowledge...like I know now you're a bucs fan, that you were in a bad relationship and thats it...there's no "deeper" knowledge of you.

In short, I dont have answers to the following questions

-what drives you?
-why does it drive you?
-why do you think you can handle law school?
-who are you?

Take a look at these 2 links as well

http://www.top-law-schools.com/statement.html
http://www.top-law-schools.com/personal ... mples.html

Best of luck feel free to let me know of any questions


I appreciate your feedback and I can see what you are saying, but I disagree on the point that you can't see anything about me in the statement. In my previous statements I was told to show not tell, so I implied things about myself in this one. For just one example, it shows that I balance work, school and play in the first paragraph and that I work hard during the week so I can relax for a while on the weekend (balance). It also shows that I am driven regarding the finding work at home and making that into a real estate career. I also wanted to show that I do not really have a supportive circle of influence, but that I am pursuing what I want anyway. So, would you change the whole idea or make some changes to this statement? Thx




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