personal statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
zoomzoom88
Posts: 644
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 4:03 am

personal statement

Postby zoomzoom88 » Wed May 02, 2012 4:30 am

The task at hand was daunting. In front of me lay a bounty of cardboard boxes of the opposition’s subpoenaed files, each filled over the brim with bank account statements, credit card statements and expense reports. My boss, the senior partner at the law firm that I was interning had told me to sit down and “figure out what didn’t make sense” within the numbers that were strung along every line of every page. As an intern at a law firm that specializes in Family Practice and Marital Law, I had been given many challenging and detail orientated tasks, but this one was unique. It is not often that one finds their life’s passion while discovering a million dollar money laundering scheme.

There is something unique about being young and determined. To me it takes the form of an unparalleled fuel that ignites and spreads onto whatever is at hand. That afternoon, night and morning, I found myself pouring into what surrounded me. I traced transfers, withdrawals and deposits through accounts, watching money appear and disappear. I spent hours understanding the intricacies of each page. The part that didn’t make sense was how over $40,000 each month was being put into a business account for a business that only existed on paper.

It struck an all too familiar chord with me. In 2008 my grandfather, (removed), was one of many people to realize that their lifetime savings had been lost, and existed as nothing more than a facet of one man’s imagination and greed. My grandfather exemplified the American dream. An impoverished Italian immigrant, he used his inner fuel to build himself from a shoe shiner to an accomplished public accountant. He spent years frugally saving his money, putting himself through school and building his own firm. In his eighties and suffering from the debilitating effects of two strokes, the news that his life savings, the money that was going to secure his wife in her late years was gone, was what truly killed him. His condition diminished rapidly within the following months after the news of Bernie Maddoff’s ponzi scheme broke. My Grandfather passed away on April 8th, 2009 with medical bills that his wife of over fifty years could not pay for.

Sitting on the fold out chair in the living room of the Victorian-styled home that serves as the firm’s headquarters, the weight of what I was looking at hit me. This was more than a laundering scheme, this was a representation of a major issue in American society; some with knowledge of technology and finances are finding new, innovative ways to exploit others. My boss was astounded at the depth of the scheme. We went over it for hours, calculating the numbers and coming to the same repeated conclusion. An order to show cause was filed the next day and after presenting this information to the court; our client finally received the justice that was deserved.

As a law school student at “ University School of Law” I will pursue a legal education with a concentration in financial law and regulation. I wish to work in this field of law not only because I have felt the rush that accompanies uncovering the wrongdoings of those who chose to launder money, but also because I wish to prevent anyone from having to experience what my Grandfather did. The United States legal system exists in part to serve and protect its citizen. For this to be done properly it requires lawyers who are fluent in finance financial regulations, lawyers with a passion for being the most educated and knowledgeable on a unique combination of law and investment. As a nation we have watched the tumultuous effects of an economic recession sparked by the greed and manipulation of a few. If it only takes one man to swindle thousands of people, and a relatively small group of people to initiate a nationwide recession, what does it take to protect the hard-working and honest people from these events? I wish to aid in the effort to close in on those willing to maneuver and abuse the financial systems of the nation. Even more importantly, I wish to work on behalf of every American who is putting their time and energy into reinvigorating our economic systems. These individuals should never have to worry about the security of their finances or financial systems. I believe “University School of Law” offers me the best opportunity to achieve this.
Last edited by zoomzoom88 on Sun May 06, 2012 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

zoomzoom88
Posts: 644
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 4:03 am

Re: personal statement

Postby zoomzoom88 » Wed May 02, 2012 4:30 am

tear it apart haha this is a rough draft !

wiglaf1228
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:05 am

Re: personal statement

Postby wiglaf1228 » Sat May 05, 2012 4:53 am

Needs paragraphs

zoomzoom88
Posts: 644
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 4:03 am

Re: personal statement

Postby zoomzoom88 » Sun May 06, 2012 8:54 pm

haha spaced them out.. sorry about that... do you think it lacks a personal element? i've noticed most ppl tend to write about what makes them special. I've done a lot of traveling and volunteer work that I would be able to write about but this seemed more real to me than pumping up some volunteer work to make myself sound noble.

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laxbrah420
Posts: 2748
Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2011 1:53 am

Re: personal statement

Postby laxbrah420 » Sun May 06, 2012 9:04 pm

You need to proofread this better brah. I'm not too interested in fixing commas and matching pronouns for you. You also write in unnecessarily dramatically --for instance, in the paragraph that's about bernie madoff, don't wait til the end of the pp to mention madoff. It'll make it more clear and interesting.

It struck an all too familiar chord with me. In 2008 my grandfather, (removed), was one of many people to realize that their lifetime savings had been lost, and existed as nothing more than a facet of one man’s imagination and greed.

-->
It struck an all too familiar chord with me. In 2008, my grandfather lost his life's savings as a result of Bernie Madoff's failed Ponzi scheme.

zoomzoom88
Posts: 644
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 4:03 am

Re: personal statement

Postby zoomzoom88 » Sun May 06, 2012 9:32 pm

definitely will do that thank you

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zipehtzin
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue May 01, 2012 10:20 pm

Re: personal statement

Postby zipehtzin » Fri May 11, 2012 12:54 pm

I would not use the term "unique" at all, let alone three times :)

zoomzoom88
Posts: 644
Joined: Wed May 02, 2012 4:03 am

Re: personal statement

Postby zoomzoom88 » Fri May 11, 2012 9:15 pm

haha point well taken! will definitely get rid of it... sounds amateurish ... what do you think of the "story" though? is it too vague?




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