From actor/parent to LS - PS first draft, please critique Forum

[TyrionLannister]

--- taking this first draft down as I dive into the second. ------

[harocutter]

I'm sorry to hear about your wife and I'm glad she is doing better.

I would add more about why specifically law school would allow you to help people. Do you want to be a DA, or do you want to work for a non profit? I get that you want to help people, but what tools would law school give you to help fix the lives of others?

Also add in more detail what you bring to law school and how you are prepared for the challenge.

You focus 75% of your essay on a narrative about past events. I think of a PS as an opportunity to describe who you are, but also as an argument for why a law school should accept you. After all, law schools want to see your ability to reason and write arguments, not tell a story.

In short, do more showing and less telling.

[harocutter]

Also, Game of Thrones is awesome....... a Lannister always pays his debts.

[TyrionLannister]

I appreciate the response. I welcome any and all comments on my personal statement. I know how valuable this part can be and I envision many drafts until I reach the final product. I do agree I need to include more specificity as to what I would gain from law school and what I would also add to that school.

The first problem I ran into is that I have that drive to be a prosecutor, but I am actually fascinated by all elements of law. I'm geeky and I like contracts, my charisma leads me to want to litigate, my ambition is drawing me to biglaw. I am literally all over the place. I know law school is the right place for me, but for the sake of a personal statement, is it best to focus on one specific element in order to sell myself? A large part of me does want to do prosecutorial work, which is what initially drew me to law school and is the element I chose to sell. I know I need to read more examples of good statements, but I grew fearful of being too general and broad with my desires and thought it best to narrow it down. Do you think this is the best course of action?

Again, thanks for responding!

And yes, GoT is the shit!!

[lonerider]

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[TyrionLannister]

The first problem I ran into is that I have that drive to be a prosecutor, but I am actually fascinated by all elements of law. I'm geeky and I like contracts, my charisma leads me to want to litigate, my ambition is drawing me to biglaw. I am literally all over the place. I know law school is the right place for me, but for the sake of a personal statement, is it best to focus on one specific element in order to sell myself?

I can't read your statement because you took it down. But don't write about aspects of the law with which you have no experience. I.e. unless you have had experience with criminal law, working with contracts, don't talk about it. People applying to law school are expected to not know anything about the law - if you talk about it in any sort of detail, you could end up sounding like you have no idea what you are talking about.

If you want to write about why you want to go to law school, talk in broad detail about what it is about the law in general that attracts you.

Great advice, thanks! I thought a great deal about what I was writing this for last night. I have actually begun fresh with the intention of focusing on the elements in my life that have forged the man that I am. Instead of focusing on why I want to go to law school, I am focusing on who I am and what I can add to the classroom discussions. The passion I bring, the intellectual curiosity, etc. The first draft was more of a rehashing of an event in my life, as opposed to making a case for why I should be admitted and the type of student I would be. Thanks for posting, I will post the second draft when I am finished...