Non-native speaker in need of help.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
User avatar
anna86
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2011 12:34 am

Non-native speaker in need of help.

Postby anna86 » Sat Mar 31, 2012 4:14 pm

Hi guys, I would greatly appreciate any comments and critique on my PS. As a non-native speaker i would especially appreciate if could point out and maybe correct some awkward sentences that i use. I`m sure there`s plenty of them. Does the statement worth submitting at all???

Many people cannot imagine going anywhere with almost nothing, but this has been my life story. On the late evening of July 3, 2009, I arrived in the United States, escaping persecution I experienced in my native country of Russia. As my plane landed at San Francisco International Airport, the fear of the past from which I was running was gone, but it was soon replaced by the fear of an uncertain future. Stunned to find myself at the threshold of a new world, full of unknown experiences, I did not dare to step outside the airport that evening.

I spent the night sitting on a bench in the international terminal, recounting experiences of my past and building my plans for the future. Looking back, I thought about my life in post-Soviet Russia where, fueled by the forces of social disintegration, the epidemic of hate crimes against ethnic minorities forced my family to encounter hatred, prejudice and discrimination. Although experiences of fighting those difficulties eventually became a source of strength for me, the initial period of accepting them as such was one of the most difficult periods of my life. It was during my senior year in a university, when I first suffered physical harm inflicted by nationalists. The police and authorities, refused to protect me from such harm, threatening my family to forget about the incident. Searching for a way to stand up for the justice, I joined the Buryatian Association of Youth Unions, a public non-profit organization advocating for the rights of ethnic minorities. As a result of my activities in the association, however, I was targeted and attacked by a group of skinheads. After months of hospitalization, I found myself unable to relocate elsewhere in a country to live safely, and thus I made the difficult decision to leave Russia s soon as possible.

As the foggy morning of July 4th, 2009 awoke me from my thoughts, I was finally able to understand that I was standing in the land of freedom. My fear of a future turned into curiosity and a hunger for new experiences. The anticipation of success in a new life full of amazing opportunities took me over and, with that, I felt ready to begin my journey in pursuit of happiness.

Abandoning an old life, however, proved to be simpler than fostering a new one. I faced a wide array of obstacles, from adapting to a new culture to conquering the language barrier. Nevertheless, I never lost sight of where I was going, and while handling several low-paying jobs in order to support myself, I began working on my asylum application. While preparing my case and going through the legal immigration procedures, I familiarized myself with numerous aspects of immigration law in the US, basic concepts of human rights, and international refugee law. Having to witness on my own how a single ruling of law can make a decision between life and death, and freedom and persecution, left me with a deep sense of appreciation of the power of justice. The day I received my asylum approval letter can rightly be called one of the happiest days of my life. Not only did it open the door of opportunities for me in this country, but it also marked the beginning of my profound consideration into law school.

Although experiences of my past have been difficult, I can now only be thankful for them. As a result of those experiences, I am fortunate to find myself where I am right now. As an intern at Bay Area Legal Aid, every week I am afforded the opportunity to assist low-income, mentally ill, and disabled residents of San Francisco in obtaining access to health care services. Finding advocacy to be natural extension of my personality, I am pleased to experience how satisfying it is to take my first steps toward the goal of becoming an effective legal professional.

My intent is to spend few years after passing the bar gaining practical experience in the area of immigration and refugee law. After that, I would like to open my own practice. I see the State of California, and the Bay Area in particular, as a future home for my business; I believe that XXX School of Law and its XXX Program provide the best opportunity for my legal education. Given the benefit of seeing the law in a variety of contextual, cultural, and practical applications, I am now excited to embark upon a three-year journey, committed to the study of law. I look forward to sharing my experiences with fellow classmates, and I hope that you will give your best consideration to my application.
Last edited by anna86 on Mon Apr 02, 2012 10:33 pm, edited 3 times in total.

User avatar
DCDuck
Posts: 242
Joined: Mon Apr 06, 2009 4:27 pm

Re: Non-native speaker in desperate need of help.

Postby DCDuck » Sat Mar 31, 2012 4:28 pm

I have edited some for you, only the sentences that I had some suggested edits for: The police and authorities refused to protect me, threatened my family, and told them to forget about the incident. Searching for a way to stand up for justice, I joined the Buryatian Association of Youth Unions, a public non-profit organization that advocates for the rights of ethnic minorities. As a result of my activities in the association, however, I was targeted and attacked by a group of skinheads. After months of hospitalization, I found myself unable to relocate elsewhere in the country to live safely, and thus I made the difficult decision to leave Russia as soon as possible. . . .
I personally experienced how a single ruling of law can be the difference between life and death, and freedom and persecution. The experience left me with a deep appreciation for the power of justice. The day I received my asylum approval letter was one of the happiest days of my life; not only did it open the door to opportunities for me in this country, but it was also when I began to consider attending law school.
Although the experiences of my past have been difficult, I can now only be thankful for them. (Nice!) I am fortunate to find myself where I am right now.
Finding advocacy to be natural extension of my personality, I have enjoyed experiencing how satisfying it is to take my first steps toward the goal of becoming an effective legal advocate.
My intent is to spend a few years after passing the bar gaining practical experience in immigration and refugee law.
I look forward to sharing my experiences with my fellow classmates. Thank you for your consideration.

This is a great story. From only this, you sound like a compelling applicant! Good luck!

User avatar
anna86
Posts: 7
Joined: Fri Sep 02, 2011 12:34 am

Re: Non-native speaker in desperate need of help.

Postby anna86 » Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:47 pm

Thank you very much for your suggestions and edits. I`ll definitely make some changes. Anyone else want to share their opinion/critique? I would appreciate any help :)

User avatar
WannaGo
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:12 pm

Re: Non-native speaker in need of help.

Postby WannaGo » Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:55 am

anna86 wrote:Hi guys, I would greatly appreciate any comments and critique on my PS. As a non-native speaker i would especially appreciate if could point out and maybe correct some awkward sentences that i use. I`m sure there`s plenty of them. Does the statement worth submitting at all???

Many people cannot imagine going anywhere with almost nothing, but this has been my life story.On the late evening of July 3, 2009, I arrived in the United States, escaping persecution I experienced in from my native country of Russia. As my plane landed at San Francisco International Airport, the fear of the past from which I was running was gone, but it was soon replaced by the fear of an uncertain future. Stunned to find myself at the threshold of a new world, full of unknown experiences, I did not dare to step outside the airport that evening.

I spent the night sitting on a bench in the international terminal, recounting experiences ofmy past and building my plans for the future. Looking back,I thought about my life in post-Soviet Russia where, fueled by the forces of social disintegration, the epidemic of hate crimes against ethnic minorities forced my family to encounter hatred, prejudice and discrimination. Although experiences of fighting thosethese difficulties eventually became a source of strength for me, the initial period of [s]accepting enduring them as suchwas one of the most difficult periods of my life. It was during my senior year in college a university, when I first suffered physical harm inflicted by nationalists. The police and authorities, refused to protect me from such harm, threatening my family to forget about the incident. Searching for a way to stand up for the justice, I joined the Buryatian Association of Youth Unions, a public non-profit organization advocating for the rights of ethnic minorities. As a result of my activities in the association, however, I was targeted and attacked by a group of skinheads. After months of hospitalization, I found myself unable to relocate elsewhere in a the country to live safely, and thus I made the difficult decision to leave Russia, my home as soon as possible.

As the foggy morning of July 4th, 2009 awoke me from my thoughts, I was finally able to understand that I was standing in the land of freedom. My fear of a future turned into curiosity and a hunger for new experiences. The anticipation of success in a new life full of amazing opportunities took me over and, with that, I felt ready to begin my journey in pursuit of happiness.

Abandoning an old life, however, proved to be simpler than fostering a new one. I faced a wide array of obstacles, from adapting to a new culture to conquering the language barrier. Nevertheless, I never lost sight of where I was going, and while handling several low-paying jobs in order to support myself, I began working on my asylum application. While preparing my case and going through the legal immigration procedures, I familiarized myself with numerous aspects of immigration law in the U.S., basic concepts of human rights, and international refugee law. Having to witness on my own how a single ruling of law can make a decision between life and death, and freedom and persecution, left me with a deep sense of appreciation of the power of justice. The day I was granted received myasylum approval letter can rightly be called one of the happiest days of my life. Not only did it open the door of opportunities for mein this country, but it also marked the beginning of my profound consideration into law school.

Although experiences of my past have been difficult, I can nowonly be thankful for them. As a result of those experiences, I am fortunate to find myself where I am today right now[/s] . As an intern at Bay Area Legal Aid, every week I am afforded the opportunity to assist low-income, mentally ill, and disabled residents of San Francisco in obtaining access to health care services. Finding advocacy to be a natural extension of my personality, I am pleased to experience how satisfying it is to take my first steps toward the goal of becoming an effective legal professional.

My intent is to spend few years after passing the bar gaining practical experience in the area of immigration and refugee law. After that, I would like to before opening my own practice. I see the State of California, and the Bay Area in particular, as a future home for my business; I believe that XXX School of Law and its XXX Program provide the best opportunity for my legal education. Given the benefit of seeing the law in a variety of contextual, cultural, and practical applications, I am nowexcited to embark upon a three-year journey, committed to the study of law. I look forward to sharing my experiences with fellow classmates, and I hope that you will give your best consideration to thank you for your thoughtful consideration of my application.

User avatar
WannaGo
Posts: 39
Joined: Wed Mar 23, 2011 3:12 pm

Re: Non-native speaker in desperate need of help.

Postby WannaGo » Tue Apr 03, 2012 2:56 am

DCDuck wrote:I have edited some for you, only the sentences that I had some suggested edits for: The police and authorities refused to protect me, threatened my family, and told them to forget about the incident. Searching for a way to stand up for justice, I joined the Buryatian Association of Youth Unions, a public non-profit organization that advocates for the rights of ethnic minorities. As a result of my activities in the association, however, I was targeted and attacked by a group of skinheads. After months of hospitalization, I found myself unable to relocate elsewhere in the country to live safely, and thus I made the difficult decision to leave Russia as soon as possible. . . .
I personally experienced how a single ruling of law can be the difference between life and death, and freedom and persecution. The experience left me with a deep appreciation for the power of justice. The day I received my asylum approval letter was one of the happiest days of my life; not only did it open the door to opportunities for me in this country, but it was also when I began to consider attending law school.
Although the experiences of my past have been difficult, I can now only be thankful for them. (Nice!) I am fortunate to find myself where I am right now.
Finding advocacy to be natural extension of my personality, I have enjoyed experiencing how satisfying it is to take my first steps toward the goal of becoming an effective legal advocate.
My intent is to spend a few years after passing the bar gaining practical experience in immigration and refugee law.
I look forward to sharing my experiences with my fellow classmates. Thank you for your consideration.

This is a great story. From only this, you sound like a compelling applicant! Good luck!



Sorry, I didn't see these before I posted.

+1




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.