"Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Mike12188
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby Mike12188 » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:54 am

I agree with above posters, you sound like you still want to be a "thug" probably not a good look for law schools. Also, did you get sexed in or jumped in? Just curious.

babul
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby babul » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:33 am

To all,

I have taken responsibility for my past actions. I don't deny anything; yet I firmly believe the facts of my case were a bit exaggerated. Regardless, I did commit a crime. I complied with all court orders. Although, I believe it does not merit the negative stigma attached to my character as an adult. I been disqualified for hiring processes solely based on the gang association not the criminal charged. That's perhaps why I tend to sugar coat it. But, a crime is a crime.

Ah, I was sexed in by 4 sexy females, lol. Nice initiation, right? I never jumped in, I just associated with members. Please don't make the assumption that I am tattooed gangster from southern California. I wear eyeglasses, lol.

I don't blame the prosecutor. I just felt the words he used were to strong, at least at that age. I never harmed anyone. I don't see how I could have been a threat to the community. No prior criminal history.

About being racist, I am not. But I must admit, I am a bit resentful. I am not African- American, but I felt a bit discriminated by Caucasians. I know that all people are NOT the same. But it’s hard not to feel that way when you have people look down at you. Perhaps it’s my accent. I don't know, but one can't prevent the feeling of inferiority. Of course, not all people are the same. The same between minorities groups (Hispanics and African- Americans). To conclude, I am not racist.

As for education, I have learned so much. I went to college with a conservative mentality and came out a semi-liberal. The U.S Constitution opened my eyes. Advance education is wonderful.

I just try to convert the negative into positive. My drive is to prove people wrong. Being a Hispanic alone is hard; being Hispanic with a criminal record is even harder. I am determined to accomplish my goals.

I'm working on the 2nd draft; I might have it ready by Monday or Tuesday. If anyone got offended, I am sorry. If anyone doesn't want to help me, I really appreciated your feedback. If anyone wants to help me, I really appreciate it.

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paratactical
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby paratactical » Sun Apr 01, 2012 8:47 am

babul wrote:Ah, I was sexed in by 4 sexy females, lol. Nice initiation, right?


u trollin?

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Jaeger
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby Jaeger » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:55 pm

babul wrote:To all,

I have taken responsibility for my past actions. I don't deny anything; yet I firmly believe the facts of my case were a bit exaggerated. Regardless, I did commit a crime. I complied with all court orders. Although, I believe it does not merit the negative stigma attached to my character as an adult. I been disqualified for hiring processes solely based on the gang association not the criminal charged. That's perhaps why I tend to sugar coat it. But, a crime is a crime.

Ah, I was sexed in by 4 sexy females, lol. Nice initiation, right? I never jumped in, I just associated with members. Please don't make the assumption that I am tattooed gangster from southern California. I wear eyeglasses, lol.

I don't blame the prosecutor. I just felt the words he used were to strong, at least at that age. I never harmed anyone. I don't see how I could have been a threat to the community. No prior criminal history.

About being racist, I am not. But I must admit, I am a bit resentful. I am not African- American, but I felt a bit discriminated by Caucasians. I know that all people are NOT the same. But it’s hard not to feel that way when you have people look down at you. Perhaps it’s my accent. I don't know, but one can't prevent the feeling of inferiority. Of course, not all people are the same. The same between minorities groups (Hispanics and African- Americans). To conclude, I am not racist.

As for education, I have learned so much. I went to college with a conservative mentality and came out a semi-liberal. The U.S Constitution opened my eyes. Advance education is wonderful.

I just try to convert the negative into positive. My drive is to prove people wrong. Being a Hispanic alone is hard; being Hispanic with a criminal record is even harder. I am determined to accomplish my goals.

I'm working on the 2nd draft; I might have it ready by Monday or Tuesday. If anyone got offended, I am sorry. If anyone doesn't want to help me, I really ap preciated your feedback. If anyone wants to help me, I really appreciate it.


I imagine the prosecutor said you were a threat to the community because if you stayed in the gang, you would be. Also, how do you know you were disqualified for jobs because of gang association and not because of your record? And does it even matter if both things will disqualified you?

You are bitter, that's evident. But you can't change the past and even if the circumstances were exaggerated, I can only imagine taking responsibility instead of acting like you're holding a grudge would be most beneficial. And discrimination by judge and prosecutor =\= discrimination by "caucasions". When you make statements like that it's hard to believe you are not racist. If nothing else, it has undertones.

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Jaeger
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby Jaeger » Sun Apr 01, 2012 2:59 pm

Probably, since I've been in a cave in Minnesota for the last 7 months. Soooooo damn pale.

However, I'd contend that, contrary to your response, older insecure white people might feel they owe him one. That's kind of sort of part of the whole idea of getting more representation in the legal community.[/quote]

I would never count on white guilt. That can go the opposite direction just as easily.

JasonR
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby JasonR » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:08 pm

geoduck wrote:Probably, since I've been in a cave in Minnesota for the last 7 months. Soooooo damn pale.

However, I'd contend that, contrary to your response, older insecure white people might feel they owe him one. That's kind of sort of part of the whole idea of getting more representation in the legal community.


Pretty piss-poor and unrealistic strategy to count on the adcomms being "older insecure white people" who are going to feel they owe anything to an applicant who seems immature, unrepentant, and unwilling to accept any personal responsibility for his actions, which is how he comes across in his PS. I'm white and definitely safely left-of-center on most issues, and I support affirmative action, but I would still toss his app in the trash in speedy fashion.

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rinkrat19
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby rinkrat19 » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:19 pm

babul wrote:To all,

I have taken responsibility for my past actions. I don't deny anything; yet I firmly believe the facts of my case were a bit exaggerated. Regardless, I did commit a crime. I complied with all court orders. Although, I believe it does not merit the negative stigma attached to my character as an adult. I been disqualified for hiring processes solely based on the gang association not the criminal charged. That's perhaps why I tend to sugar coat it. But, a crime is a crime.

Ah, I was sexed in by 4 sexy females, lol. Nice initiation, right? I never jumped in, I just associated with members. Please don't make the assumption that I am tattooed gangster from southern California. I wear eyeglasses, lol.

I don't blame the prosecutor. I just felt the words he used were to strong, at least at that age. I never harmed anyone. I don't see how I could have been a threat to the community. No prior criminal history.

About being racist, I am not. But I must admit, I am a bit resentful. I am not African- American, but I felt a bit discriminated by Caucasians. I know that all people are NOT the same. But it’s hard not to feel that way when you have people look down at you. Perhaps it’s my accent. I don't know, but one can't prevent the feeling of inferiority. Of course, not all people are the same. The same between minorities groups (Hispanics and African- Americans). To conclude, I am not racist.

As for education, I have learned so much. I went to college with a conservative mentality and came out a semi-liberal. The U.S Constitution opened my eyes. Advance education is wonderful.

I just try to convert the negative into positive. My drive is to prove people wrong. Being a Hispanic alone is hard; being Hispanic with a criminal record is even harder. I am determined to accomplish my goals.

I'm working on the 2nd draft; I might have it ready by Monday or Tuesday. If anyone got offended, I am sorry. If anyone doesn't want to help me, I really appreciated your feedback. If anyone wants to help me, I really appreciate it.
In the end, it doesn't matter whether you ARE taking responsibility for your actions or whether you ARE racist or not. It matters how you come across to strangers reading your essay. We are strangers reading your essay, telling you how you come across to us in it.

You may think your essay sounds perfectly fair and reasonable, but you are reading it through the prism of your experiences and knowing the whole backstory. We are reading it without any other information and it does not portray you well. You sound unrepentant and bitter, trying to blame your own bad decisions on bad luck and The Man.

It needs to be re-written. If that means you have to fake it, then that's what you do. Just insisting that you totally aren't racist and aren't blaming the Caucasian prosecutor for your poor life choices when we point out the faults doesn't make your essay sound any different to strangers' ears (eyes).

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mattviphky
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby mattviphky » Sun Apr 01, 2012 4:30 pm

what race are you? If you are a URM, you really don't need to delve too deep into the whole gang thing.

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geoduck
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby geoduck » Sun Apr 01, 2012 5:14 pm

JasonR wrote:
geoduck wrote:Probably, since I've been in a cave in Minnesota for the last 7 months. Soooooo damn pale.

However, I'd contend that, contrary to your response, older insecure white people might feel they owe him one. That's kind of sort of part of the whole idea of getting more representation in the legal community.


Pretty piss-poor and unrealistic strategy to count on the adcomms being "older insecure white people" who are going to feel they owe anything to an applicant who seems immature, unrepentant, and unwilling to accept any personal responsibility for his actions, which is how he comes across in his PS. I'm white and definitely safely left-of-center on most issues, and I support affirmative action, but I would still toss his app in the trash in speedy fashion.


I mean, I made triple sure to have no white guilt in my app, but I also wasn't applying for TTT schools after being convicted for gang activity by a racist white prosecutor. YMMV.

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Jaeger
Posts: 391
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby Jaeger » Sun Apr 01, 2012 10:46 pm

geoduck wrote:
I mean, I made triple sure to have no white guilt in my app, but I also wasn't applying for TTT schools after being convicted for gang activity by a racist white prosecutor. YMMV.


U mad bro?

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geoduck
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby geoduck » Sun Apr 01, 2012 11:15 pm

Jaeger wrote:
geoduck wrote:
I mean, I made triple sure to have no white guilt in my app, but I also wasn't applying for TTT schools after being convicted for gang activity by a racist white prosecutor. YMMV.


You seem positively effervescent sister?


I feel really good about this one! :mrgreen:

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Systematic1
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby Systematic1 » Wed Apr 04, 2012 4:49 pm

Seven years ago, at the age of 17, I sat inside a juvenile hall facility charged with several criminal charges and booked as a Sureno gang associate.


You don't seem to be taking advice but at the very least please change this to, "I sat inside a juvenile hall facility facing several criminal charges and booked as a Sureno gang associate." It's the first sentence of the essay and the redundancy is annoying the crap out of me. :x :x

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laxbrah420
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby laxbrah420 » Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:08 pm

Systematic1 wrote:
Seven years ago, at the age of 17, I sat inside a juvenile hall facility charged with several criminal charges and booked as a Sureno gang associate.


You don't seem to be taking advice but at the very least please change this to, "I sat inside a juvenile hall facility facing several criminal charges and booked as a Sureno gang associate." It's the first sentence of the essay and the redundancy is annoying the crap out of me. :x :x

Yea, I got a little bit further but every sentence needed work. We can all take turns.

Next sentence:
As I sat inside the booking cell, the legal consequences of my actions as well as the educational suicide seemed to hit rock bottom as I stared through a small window in the huge metal door.

to:
As I stared through the tiny window in the huge metal door of my booking cell, the words of Tupac Shakur consumed my consciousness. "I don't have to talk about whether or not I got raped in jail." But the consequences of my actions have extended far beyond those concrete walls in ways I was too immature to predict.

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laxbrah420
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby laxbrah420 » Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:13 pm

mattviphky wrote:what race are you? If you are a URM, you really don't need to delve too deep into the whole gang thing.

Also, that's racist to suggest that all URMs have gang affiliations. It's more like 50%

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johansantana21
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby johansantana21 » Wed Apr 04, 2012 5:38 pm

Sound more contrite. You come off as an unrepenting brat who needs to grow up and stop blaming everyone else.

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rivermaker
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby rivermaker » Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:43 am

What are you charged with if i may ask.

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md22
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Re: "Gangster" Personal Statement- Advice.

Postby md22 » Fri Mar 22, 2013 5:02 pm

- "Caucasian male" part, as has been previously stated, sounds and/or is racist. Why mention "Caucasian"?
- At least 150 on the LSAT? 150?
- The whole thing comes off as if you've been screwed by the system and you don't acknowledge any of your faults. You committed a crime - own up to it. IMHO it sounds a bit whiny.


Forget all of that. I think this one is trollin'.




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