PS: Should I scrap and start over?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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mrsmac8541
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:10 pm

PS: Should I scrap and start over?

Postby mrsmac8541 » Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:16 pm

deleted until further notice. :)
Last edited by mrsmac8541 on Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

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ix88
Posts: 68
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:24 pm

Re: PS: Should I scrap and start over?

Postby ix88 » Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:22 am

I can't compare this PS with the "single mom who overcame" idea b/c I don't have enough information about the single mom idea. But, just about any idea can be used for a PS - it is mainly a matter of execution.

I can comment on this PS. I like the theme and I think it is a good idea. However, the execution needs work.

The PS totally needs to be revamped and drastically altered. It doesn't tell me much about who you are. In fact, if I were an ad com member I would probably have a copy of your resume, so reading this PS would not shed much more light about you.

Here are some substantive issues I see with this PS:

1) It doesn't sell you
2) It doesn't give me much substantive material to assess your character and how you could contribute to a law school class and the legal community
3) It doesn't outline or describe your goals or any goals
4) It doesn't show a leader. It touches on how you've made a meaningful impact in your community, but only in a limited, 1-time fashion
4) It doesn't meaningfully show how the dramatic event transformed you or how it was a defining moment in your life. You spend too much of the PS describing the event instead of yourself
5) Most importantly: the PS explains at length this dramatic event - and then out of left-field: "I want to become a lawyer to keep challenging myself and my capacity to learn. And to keep making differences."

The PS builds all the way up to that conclusion but none of the evidence supports it. There is no convincing argument. You haven't shown the ad com in this PS that you have exhausted all other alternatives and that a legal career is for you. You want to keep challenging yourself? You want to make a difference? You can do that in just about any occupation. Why law and nothing else?

Further, what does the dramatic event and your job as an EOS have anything to do with how you arrived at wanting to enter the legal field specifically?

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mrsmac8541
Posts: 6
Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:10 pm

Re: PS: Should I scrap and start over?

Postby mrsmac8541 » Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:38 am

Sadly, I was thinking many of the same points you have just made. I will be revamping and then resubmitting for comments. I might just take this down in the mean time to not waste other editors time.

Thank you for the input, it is truly invaluable to me!

Laura

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ix88
Posts: 68
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:24 pm

Re: PS: Should I scrap and start over?

Postby ix88 » Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:41 am

You are welcome. I will be happy to read any revisions that you post. good luck!




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