Is this a diversity statement?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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luuma
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:04 am

Is this a diversity statement?

Postby luuma » Wed Feb 29, 2012 6:43 pm

Deleted. Thank you.
Last edited by luuma on Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:46 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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ix88
Posts: 68
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:24 pm

Re: Is this a diversity statement?

Postby ix88 » Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:06 am

I think it is decent with no major issues.

I see a few opportunities for you to show more diversity:

1) Meaningful elaborations on your experience and what you learned from the time in France and Spain
2) "My Afro-Hispanic background has enriched my international travels and studies, because I have been able to perceive and analyze environmental differences from a multicultural perspective. " How so? Seems vague and broad. Be specific. Tell us more.


"...will make me a unique asset to the student body of your school." Instead of "your school" I think you should use the name of the school ie: Harvard Law school etc

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luuma
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:04 am

Re: Is this a diversity statement?

Postby luuma » Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:19 am

Ouu I like that idea to insert the names. Oh gods, that means more work. *twitch..so burnt out* lol. But def going to do that! Thank you. My problem with elaborating is that I can not go over 500 words. But maybe I can add one or two lines. I'm currently around 430 words. Thank you! :)

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fashiongirl
Posts: 279
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:30 am

Re: Is this a diversity statement?

Postby fashiongirl » Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:30 am

It kinda sounds like a cover letter which is not good. The first paragraph seems unnecessary since they can gather that info from your app right? I think you need to elaborate more w/ the 2nd paragraph because that's what they want to know more about. A diversity statement should broadcast how your diversity shaped you into the person you are today or something... it would be more interesting to know about your heritage and how that played a role in your life/work/school.

And don't worry..sometimes you just have to go through several drafts to get it down. My first few drafts of my DS were horrible but after lots of feedback from the TLS community and drafts, it will come together the way you want it to.

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luuma
Posts: 246
Joined: Sat Dec 10, 2011 2:04 am

Re: Is this a diversity statement?

Postby luuma » Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:00 pm

Deleted Thank you.
Last edited by luuma on Tue Mar 06, 2012 2:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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ix88
Posts: 68
Joined: Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:24 pm

Re: Is this a diversity statement?

Postby ix88 » Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:26 am

I wouldn't worry about going over 500 words yet.

Get your draft down and your meaningful elaborations - then chop the extraneous material.

That is what I do.




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