Please tear my PS up.. I Need help!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
richalvarez
Posts: 63
Joined: Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:53 pm

Please tear my PS up.. I Need help!

Postby richalvarez » Tue Jan 31, 2012 2:13 am

One day I will look back at my life and say, “law school was by far the most grueling and rewarding decision I made.” Though I cannot foresee how the events of the next three to four years will shape my career and, ultimately, my life. I am, however, aware of the importance of these events in forming the lawyer I will become. It is with this importance in mind that I have come to the realization that the University of San Diego is the ideal place to explore my interest in law. The path I have followed thus far has led me to this point.
As a child, I grew up watching my mother operate a small accounting business from home and often took it upon myself to assist her anyway possible. Oftentimes, causing more delays and distractions than help, yet her calm demeanor and patience with me never wavered. I credit her for nurturing a lifelong passion for math, hard work, and entrepreneurship. Over the years my involvement with the family business grew from basic bookkeeping and data entry to meeting with perspective clients, accounts receivable, accounts payable, and maintaining the office. Naturally, as my responsibilities grew, so did the need for certain educational requirements. In 2008, I became a registered tax professional and enrolled in an accounting program. Shortly after, I made the decision to start my own business. Relying on the teachings of my mother and the experiences working with her, I ventured off to forge my own path. Utilizing my Spanish speaking skills, I was able to connect with Hispanic members in the community and begin building a client base. What began as child’s play had evolved into something more, and within the tax field I discovered a gratifying and challenging career opportunity.
Meanwhile, I was continuing my education, taking courses from finance to federal taxation and business law. At some point in my studies I began to develop a curiosity for law and went from pursuing my accounting degree and contemplating a M.S. in taxation to developing an interest in law, specifically tax law. I was still unsure about a legal career, even though I had taken a business law course and realized I not only could succeed—but I enjoyed it. Thus, I reached out to a corporate attorney with whom I had established a professional relationship, expressing my interest in law. After a very informative meeting with her I was taken aback when she offered me the opportunity to intern with her. Working with the attorney has solidified my interest in law and only furthered my ambitious drive.
Having realized a legal career was in my future, the choice of which school to attend was clear—the University of San Diego. Having lived all my life in San Diego, I was familiar with the university and knew a few individuals who had attended the school. There is a sense of prestige and pride to USD, sitting high atop its perch overlooking the city, which one cannot help but marvel in. I began seeking out law students at the university, asking questions to anyone who would entertain them. From the close knit student body to the central location, I came to find that USD was indeed the ideal place for me pursue a legal education. I look forward to joining the Tax Law Society and partaking in the events Mr. Brantner described to me. Also, USD’s renowned tax program and the ability to earn an LLM in taxation in only one additional semester are two key features that attract me to USD. I truly believe this is the place for me to get the education necessary to empower me to better assist my clients and expand my business. Just as USD is great fit for me, I feel that I too am an ideal candidate for the university; that is, I bring a different perspective stemming from the diverse path I have taken to reach this point.
As a self-employed, single-father I have come to respect the delicate balance one must have between professional and personal life. Learning to manage the various responsibilities while progressing through my academic career has proven to be difficult yet has had a profound impact on my life. The interactions with clients, community members, and other professionals have provided invaluable lessons that I continue to draw upon. Ones which I wish to add to at the University of San Diego through interactions with professors, students, and various professional associated with the school.

meg2good4u
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 3:47 pm

Re: Please tear my PS up.. I Need help!

Postby meg2good4u » Tue Jan 31, 2012 5:40 pm

My two cents:


"Over the years my involvement with the family business grew from basic bookkeeping and data entry to meeting with perspective clients, accounts receivable, accounts payable, and maintaining the office. "

PROSPECTIVE clients.


"I was still unsure about a legal career, even though I had taken a business law course and realized I not only could succeed—but I enjoyed it. "

A single business law course, outside the structure of a law school, has made you believe that you can succeed in the legal field? A single course?? Sounds far-reaching to me.

"Learning to manage the various responsibilities while progressing through my academic career has proven to be difficult yet has had a profound impact on my life "

The "yet" in here throws me.....it is a conjunction generally used for contrast. Replace with and. The difficulty and the impact are related, not contrasting.

"The interactions with clients, community members, and other professionals have provided invaluable lessons that I continue to draw upon. Ones which I wish to add to at the University of San Diego through interactions with professors, students, and various professional associated with the school."

Replace "ones" with "Lessons" It's more clear that way what you're referring to. And, make it "Lessons that..."

richalvarez
Posts: 63
Joined: Tue Jun 07, 2011 7:53 pm

Re: Please tear my PS up.. I Need help!

Postby richalvarez » Tue Jan 31, 2012 6:24 pm

Thank you. I appreciate the feedback. I have made some changes. With respect to the single business law course, I'm not trying to say it made me realize I could succeed, but that while reassuring it still left some doubt. Then I go on to say that working with an attorney erased any remaining doubt.

Here is my revised draft... please have another go at it, I'm planning on submitting it tomorrow night.


One day I will look back at my life and say, “Law school was by far the most grueling and rewarding decision I made.” Though I cannot foresee how the events of the next three years will shape my career and, ultimately, my life. I am, however, aware of the importance of these events in forming the lawyer, and by extension—the person I will become. It is with this importance in mind that I have decided that the University of San Diego is the ideal place to explore my interest in law. The path I have followed thus far has led me to this point.

As a child, I grew up watching my mother own and operate a small accounting business from our family home, and I often took it upon myself to assist her in any manner possible. Oftentimes, my help caused her more delays and distractions, yet her calm demeanor and patience with me never wavered. I credit her for nurturing a lifelong passion for math, hard work, and entrepreneurship. Over the years my involvement with the family business grew from basic bookkeeping and data entry to meeting with prospective clients, accounts receivable, accounts payable, and maintaining the office. Naturally, as my responsibilities grew, so did the need for certain educational requirements. In 2008, I became a registered tax professional and enrolled in an accounting program. Shortly after, I made the decision to start my own business. Relying on the teachings of my mother and the experiences working with her, I ventured off to forge my own path. Utilizing my Spanish-speaking skills, I was able to connect with Hispanic members in the community and begin building a client base. What began as simply a way to help my mom manage her workload has evolved into something more meaningful, and within the tax field I discovered a gratifying and challenging career opportunity.

Meanwhile, I was continuing my education, taking courses from finance to federal taxation and business law. At some point in my studies I began to develop a curiosity for law and went from pursuing my accounting degree and contemplating an M.S. in taxation to developing an interest in law, specifically tax law. I was still unsure about a legal career, even though I had taken a business law course and realized I not only could succeed—but I enjoyed it. Thus, I reached out to a corporate attorney with whom I had established a professional relationship, and expressed my interest in law. After a very informative meeting I was taken aback when she offered me the opportunity to intern with her. Working side-by-side with her has catapulted my interest in tax law and sparked an ambition to thrive in this field.

Having imagined a legal career, the choice of school was clear—the University of San Diego. Having lived all my life in San Diego, I was familiar with the university and knew a few individuals who had attended the school. There is a sense of prestige and pride to USD, sitting high atop its perch overlooking the city, which one cannot help but marvel. Knowing this university was my destiny; I actively began seeking current law students, asking questions to anyone who would entertain them. From the close-knit student body to the central location, I came to find that USD was indeed the only place for me to commence my dream as a tax attorney. I look forward to becoming fully immersed in my education, welcoming the opportunity to join the Tax Law Society and partaking in the events Mr. Brantner described to me. Also, USD’s renowned tax program and the ability to earn an LLM in taxation in only one additional semester are two key features that make USD the only choice for me. I truly believe my destiny lies on this path, and this is the place for me to get the necessary education to empower me to better assist my clients and my Spanish-speaking community. Just as USD is great fit for me, I feel that I too am an ideal candidate for the university; that is, I bring a different perspective stemming from the diverse path I have taken to reach this point.

As a self-employed, single-father I have come to respect the delicate balance one must have between professional and personal life. Learning to manage the various responsibilities while progressing through my academic career has proven to be difficult and has had a profound impact on my life. My 3-year-old son has proven to be a touchstone that inspires me to approach my academics with intensity and a seriousness that make me inherently successful. Interactions with clients, community members, and other professionals have provided invaluable lessons that I continue to draw upon—which I wish to add to at the University of San Diego through diligence, hard work, and a voice that is unique to my point of view.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.