This is what I got

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This is what I got

Postby svarne2 » Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:02 pm

It's still in a rough draft stage but I'd appreciate some feedback. I'm also intending on using this for graduate school so keep that in mind.

One day in my 10th grade A.P. U.S. History class, when discussing The Spanish-American War, I raised my hand and asked my teacher why Cuba was given independence after the war but Puerto Rico was not. Her response was quite eloquent in its brevity; “that won’t be on the test.” My thirst for knowledge unquenched, I went 5 years without knowing the answer to that question. 5 long years later in my American Foreign Policy class I learned the answer to that question. It was that moment that I first realized how much I had enjoyed and learned from my college experience.

College has also given me the opportunity to get involved with various extra-curricular activities, many of which gave me the opportunity to take what I had learned in the classroom and directly apply it to the real world. In the spring of 2010, I was able to supplement what I learned in my Louisiana Politics class by interning with a lobbyist. I spent most of my afternoons at the state capitol attending committee meetings. I also met with our clients to keep them update on the legislative status of bills relevant to them and was able to meet with several state legislators to discuss pending legislation. I was able to apply what I learned in my Campaigns and Elections class by volunteering on Ron Pauls’ presidential campaign. I also spent 4 years on scholarship in the LSU marching band, which allowed me to pay for my education and learn to work as part of a 350 plus member team. I am also proud of the work I have done as a varsity member of the LSU Debate team where I organized and served as Tournament Director for our First Annual Death Valley Swing tournament. Debate also gave me the chance to compete on a national level and I often made arguments subjects that had previously been discussed in my classes.

Over the last four years I have developed an intense passion for the American political, legal, and economic systems, as well as a strong set of beliefs about how these systems should ideally operate. This passion is something that I can uniquely contribute to your program. My career objectives essentially revolve around furthering those ideas, which include providing a sound currency, ending unnecessary military intervention, reducing the size of government, and restoring the basic freedoms that our country was founded upon. Although I may not know exactly what I want out of my career, I do know that my post graduate (legal) education will help me acquire the knowledge, skills, and intuition necessary to achieve those objectives.

Unfortunately, my graduation is only a matter of months away, and just as in my 10th grade history class my thirst for knowledge is still not completely quenched.

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Re: This is what I got

Postby tmon » Mon Jan 30, 2012 4:45 pm

Your PS shouldn't be a restatement of your resume. After reading the intro I was expecting/hoping that you were going to somehow relate learning the answer to your question with something personal about you that makes you an interesting person or a good candidate for law school. Instead, you just make a weak connection with college, talk about classes and work you've done, and I'm left with nothing but a general restatement of things that are mostly learnable elsewhere in your application.

My suggestion is to pick a succinct point you want to get across to the people who read this and talk only about that. It shouldn't be a list ("I did this, then this, and also this"). It's okay to expound on something already on your resume, but if you do that you want to provide a lot of info that adcoms don't already know. Anyone with your application materials could make the connection of "Oh hey, this person took classes about political science and then interned for a presidential campaign. I bet that was an interesting experience." If there's more to it than that, tell why. If there isn't, don't talk about it in the PS unless it's contributing to some other main point.

If you have any instance where you showed that you could overcome obstacles or showed perseverance, or even just changed your view on something important to you, that will make for a much better topic.

Good luck!

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