please dissect this PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
braves1
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:17 pm

please dissect this PS

Postby braves1 » Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:20 pm

--please let me know any thoughts or ideas you have about the paper. I previously wrote a much more personal PS, but was told it did not sound profesional. I know this one is a little stiff and formulaic. Hit me with any ideas or criticism you can come up with.
Thanks!!


It has been said that one’s truest direction in life is dictated by one’s truest intentions. Such is my passion for law. Throughout my life I have been drawn to various fields and disciplines. However, in the final analysis, a legal career provides a realm of comfort and appropriateness that is most aligned with my inherent skills and abilities. Specifically, my interest in law is derived from my personal interests, experiences, and natural inclinations.

At a personal level, I first became interested in law as a child. I remember always enjoying the underlying limitations of rules, then attempting to uncover their meanings and repercussions. In particular, I was fascinated in the way that the rules around us often shape behavior and lead us to adapt our everyday lives. Once in high school, I would often sit in my father’s company meetings where I would see the integral role that lawyers played in all of his business agreements. This experience ultimately planted the seed of inspiration toward a career in law. As an adult, I now better appreciate the law’s complexities and the level of uniqueness presented by each debated case. I also enjoy determining the relationship between individual legal cases and their precedents as established by prior cases. The law is an inexorable march toward refinement and progress and I am drawn to this ever-advancing evolution of how society determines and evaluates rules and punishments. Jurisdiction requires a true motivation for helping others through the sources of potential distress, and I have found this endeavor to be a central factor behind my decision to study law.

My interest in law has also been fueled by various law-related experiences. In school, I researched Oregon trout streams for a particular cartography class. Throughout the project, I observed and carefully studied the evolvement of laws put in place to protect both the streams and the fish themselves. This experience gave me first-hand insight into the interplay of established law with current day issues and conflicts. Putting law in a real-world context has helped broaden my perspective of legal practice. Moreover, I have experience in community service assisting underprivileged children. This was a particularly gratifying experience as it allowed me to help represent those who would otherwise not have their own advocates. These children represented the unprotected, and my work with them helped foster a sense of personal responsibility and duty that I carry with me to this day. Additionally, I garnered invaluable insight into law by observing the work lawyers performed for my father’s business. The observation of their work, including documents and drafts they prepared, gave me an ideal opportunity to see the day-to-day work of lawyers and to begin to understand the application of the law to enterprise and organizations. This transformation from interpretation to implementation has been a central tenet of my motivation toward studying law.

I also maintain the inherent skills and abilities that make for a strong law school candidate and practicing lawyer. I hold excellent interpersonal and communication skills, which allow me to confidently and persuasively present my opinions and stances to others, while ensuring clear and thorough communication. Additionally, I am diligent and hard working. I have always enjoyed accepting various challenges and seeing them through their entirety, while paying proper attention to all details in order to affect outcomes that were deliberate and well considered. I have also demonstrated a tested sense of integrity and trustworthiness. I look to ensure that each endeavor I undertake is assumed with a truest commitment toward a rational and beneficial outcome. This has helped develop my team building and leadership skills while advancing my own problem-solving and critical-thinking abilities.

Studying law requires diligence, intelligence, and stamina. As an avid outdoorsman and fly fisher, I have intimately witnessed the systematic destruction of local streams and the decimation of various wildlife species as a result of ongoing coal mining and urban development. Through my legal education, I hope to help protect the environment from such devastating impacts. Similar to the environment itself, the law has many different interpretations as they apply to protecting our natural surroundings. As a lawyer, I will help to elucidate applicable laws and to help ensure that local citizens and their environments are rightfully protected. Through my personal interests, experiences, and abilities, I have demonstrated a commitment and desire to grow my skills and develop a broad perspective for legal interpretation and application. These qualities will prove useful as I embark on this most cherished journey of self-growth and earnest commitment in law school. Ultimately, as has been said about one truest direction, I hope to use my diverse personal, academic, and work background to make substantive and enduring contributions as a law student and future attorney.

postn0bills
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:09 pm

Re: please dissect this PS

Postby postn0bills » Sun Jan 22, 2012 12:36 am

While this may sound "professional," it's also somewhat generic. Out of curiosity, can you post your personal one? I think a personal statement should be personal. Mine was about an abusive childhood and how it shaped me.

braves1
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:17 pm

Re: please dissect this PS

Postby braves1 » Sun Jan 22, 2012 12:47 am

this is my "more personal" personal statement. It is a very rough edition, so please read through and let me know what you think!


“One drop of chemical waste produced through Pebble Mine’s ore extraction process has the potential of entering the water way and causing a fish kill, total decimation of the worlds largest sockeye salmon run in the world”. I stood mid stream, fighting against a strong current, listening intently to the guide on the other side as he pointed out potentially dangerous holes to avoid as I trekked towards his location. Focused on the moss covered boulders and sandy bottom of the Little Ku river, the breeding sites for one of the worlds largest salmon runs, I paused, trying to comprehend the loaded message Tyler, our guide, had sputtered between directions. Swaying side to side as the river carelessly gave a constant push against my hip, Disgusted with myself for the initial, selfish stance of the potential harm to my leisure fly fishing vacation, my thoughts turned to Tyler, a recent college grad who uprooted from the lower forty-eight to pursue his life long dream of sharing his passion for the outdoors and fly fishing with tourist, like me. As I waded closer to the bank my mind bounced from the fishing guides ensuring our fly fishing dreams come true, to residents of Lake Illiamna, a tribe of local Alaskan Natives that live and die with each summer salmon run. Native to the land, their village based in Nondalton spends it's summers gillnetting salmon, precisely enough to feed their families throughout the harsh winters. It occurred to me that these people simply would not survive without fish in the streams. Trudging through the last patch of sandy bedrock, my mind finally connected the seemingly simple puzzle swirling through my mind like the water beneath my feet. There seemed to be a constant theme throughout my thought process. Without fish in the streams, no one survives.

An avid outdoorsman and fly fisher, my passion for the environment dates to my childhood adventures. At a young age I demonstrated dedication, determination, and durability in every sense of the words. My younger brother and I performed like clockwork, upon arrival from school, we raced to our camouflage overalls and jackets and set out into the vast wilderness most called the neighborhood. Through a system of canals and tunnels, we snaked out way through the shrubbery and landscaping of our neighbors to our “watch tower”, a viewing perch between two holly bushes that required complete body control. We sat for what felt like hours, watching birds feed and bathe in backyard feeders and birdbaths. Bird spying, as we called it, like most brotherly activities always resulted in the same competition of who could find the most species the quickest. Although young and naïve to the true importance of the environment around me, I credit these adventures to the foundation of my desire to protect and educate others about the outdoors. As I outgrew my overalls, I enlisted in the Boy Scouts of America, learning leadership traits I hope to never forget. Earning the rank of Eagle Scout not only cemented the importance of the environment in my mind, but I also felt a personal duty to protect the land and animals that inhabit it. Shortly after earning my Eagle Scout ranking, I convinced two of my friends that the only logical plan of action to earn money and find new, untested hunting and fishing areas would be to start up our own company. We called it AAA Beaver Removal. My company taught me more in one summer about trustworthiness, dependability, and interpersonal and communication skills than I had learned in my previous seventeen years. I not only had to effectively schedule client meetings, but often woke hours before school to check traps and scout new areas if we received high client volume. This often tested my commitment and dedication to the company, however, I learned the importance of a hiding negative emotions with a smile.
Although leaving home to pursue a college degree caused a temporary company shutdown as well as distancing me from my fly rod, the character traits and experiences carried on. I had always contemplated the idea of law school, but it was not until I researched Oregon trout streams for a particular cartography class. Throughout the project, I observed and carefully studied the evolvement of laws put in place to protect both the streams and the fish themselves. This experience gave me first-hand insight into the interplay of established law with current day issues and conflicts. Putting law in a real-world context helped broaden my perspective of legal practice. I knew then that my next commitment would be earning a law degree. I am a firm believer in pursuing a career in something you enjoy. Law, like fly fishing, is painstakingly unique. Like each fish in the Little Ku, every case has its own story. I enjoy the complexity of fly fishing because each fish requires a unique approach to effectively fool. Law is a new ending march toward refinement and progress and I am drawn to this ever-advancing evolution of determining relationships between individual cases and their precedents established by prior cases. Throughout my cartography project, I garnered invaluable insight into transformation from interpretation to the implementation of law. Understanding this application has become a central tenet of my motivation toward studying law.

Studying law requires diligence, intelligence, and stamina. Through my fly fishing adventures, I have intimately witnesses the potential systematic destruction of local steams and the decimation of various wildlife species as a result of open mine construction. Through my legal education, I hope to help protect the environment from such devastating impacts. Similar to the environment itself, the law has many different interpretations as they apply to protecting our natural surroundings. As a lawyer, I will help to elucidate applicable laws and to help ensure that local citizens and their environments are rightfully protected. Through my personal interests, experiences, and abilities, I have demonstrated a commitment and desire to grow my skills and develop a broad perspective for legal interpretation and application. These qualities will prove useful as I embark on this most cherished journey of self-growth and earnest commitment in law school. Ultimately, I hope to use my diverse personal, academic, and work background to make substantive and enduring contributions as a law student and future attorney.
Last edited by braves1 on Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

rebexness
Posts: 4163
Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 6:24 am

Re: please dissect this PS

Postby rebexness » Sun Jan 22, 2012 1:25 am

Last edited by rebexness on Thu Nov 13, 2014 5:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

postn0bills
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:09 pm

Re: please dissect this PS

Postby postn0bills » Sun Jan 22, 2012 1:48 am

Your "personal" personal statement is far better, without a doubt (in my opinion). It reveals a lot more about you as a person, your thought process and motivations. This is what law schools want to know about you.

braves1
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Jan 21, 2012 12:17 pm

Re: please dissect this PS

Postby braves1 » Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:31 am

I appreciate all the comments!




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