1st draft, please help

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
User avatar
Bluewavesix
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 2:21 am

1st draft, please help

Postby Bluewavesix » Tue Jan 10, 2012 10:13 pm

[removed]

Please delete thread.
Last edited by Bluewavesix on Wed Jan 11, 2012 5:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Bluewavesix
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 2:21 am

Re: 1st draft, please help

Postby Bluewavesix » Tue Jan 10, 2012 11:00 pm

I realize that my PS isn't that great and needs some serious polish, but any comment or critisism would help and be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Master Tofu
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:43 pm

Re: 1st draft, please help

Postby Master Tofu » Wed Jan 11, 2012 2:50 am

Why not polish it first and then ask for comments? While you do so, tone the negativity down a little; I get that you're trying to show growth but you don't need to leave such a strong bitter taste in the reader's mouth.

Also, I suggest you delete the first paragraph; don't tell the reader about things that don't pertain to you.

User avatar
Bluewavesix
Posts: 82
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 2:21 am

Re: 1st draft, please help

Postby Bluewavesix » Wed Jan 11, 2012 9:59 am

Master Tofu wrote:Why not polish it first and then ask for comments? While you do so, tone the negativity down a little; I get that you're trying to show growth but you don't need to leave such a strong bitter taste in the reader's mouth.

Also, I suggest you delete the first paragraph; don't tell the reader about things that don't pertain to you.

Point taken. I'll polish it up and repost. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't polishing something that shouldn't be polished. The reason the first paragraph is included is to give context as to why my business failed. It doesn't flow well because I added in the second paragraph later. Perhaps I should delete the second paragraph and include that one in my GPA addendum?




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.