FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby Duramax80 » Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:37 pm

As I looked around at the sea of unfamiliar faces, I anxiously awaited the professor of my first law course to address the class. The professor began, “this class will be different from the classes you have taken, as you will be required to think critically, form your own opinions, and be required to defend your position.” Upon hearing that, I knew I had ventured into uncharted waters, a realm of academia that would press me to exercise skills I had not previously utilized.

After the first week of Constitutional Law and Criminal Procedure, I felt that I had finally found my place. I had previously struggled with motivation and direction early in my academic career. However, I was quickly pulled out of this vacillation through my enrollment in this class, forming the foundation to my goal of practicing law.

The course and the concepts it included were demanding, yet I was able to understand and successfully apply them in their entirety. I especially enjoyed the exams, which were composed of fact patterns in which the students were required to identify violations, indicate possible defenses, and hypothesize the best way to ensure convictions. Objectively analyzing situations in combination with the application of legal consideration was completely new to me, but I greatly enjoyed the intellectual freedom it provided. I became so proficient with the material that I was often sought out by my fellow classmates to lead study groups and review sessions. As the class ended I continued to seek a strong foundation in legal education, enrolling myself in as many law classes as possible. Scholarly life became incredibly rewarding, and in my final two years as an undergraduate, I earned a cumulative GPA of 3.7 and a place on the Dean’s List honor roll. I had found where I belong through a calling in law.

After graduating from University, ready to take on new challenges, I ventured out into the professional world in hopes of expanding my foundation in law even further. I volunteered for an unpaid internship position at the FIRM, a local law firm that specializes in several areas including business law, family law, bankruptcy, immigration and DUI. The wide range of specialties the firm worked within gave me the opportunity to sharpen the skills necessary to successfully operate in vastly diverse and high stress environments. Each attorney at the firm took individual time with me to explain the intricacies of practicing law and the finesse required to excel in such a profession. Maneuvering through the different legal niches, I enhanced my ability to adapt to new situations, increase my attention to detail, apply an objective approach to each situation, and view each case from beginning to end, including hypothesizing potential outcomes a case may generate in court.

Aside from the skills I developed behind the phones and desks, working in such a diverse firm gave me the opportunity to interact with many different types of people. Through such interactions, I was able to witness the complexities inherent in the problems they faced on a deeply personal level. Specifically, I can remember speaking with a prospective client who, in tears, had told me that her spouse was physically abusive and she quickly needed a divorce. After her initial consultation with our legal team, I distinctly remember ATTORNEY NAME, the senior attorney and my chief mentor, looking her in the eyes and saying, “don’t worry, we can help you.” I felt proud in knowing that I had been a part of the instrument that would grant her freedom. It was from this challenging scenario, and others like it, that I became completely cognizant of the fact that people need attorneys to help them through troubling circumstances.

I now know, with no doubt in my mind, that the calling I felt in my undergraduate law classes is genuine. My experiences up to this point make me fully confident that I will be able to excel in law school and contribute to the education environment. Not only do I have a passion for law, I understand the importance of practicing law and the extent to which it could improve the wellbeing of others, reinforcing my goal of law school and the life I want to lead.

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Dicta in a Box
Posts: 11
Joined: Thu Dec 08, 2011 1:06 pm

Re: FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby Dicta in a Box » Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:39 pm

The only error I see is that your PS is essentially a detailed resume.

Master Tofu
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:43 pm

Re: FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby Master Tofu » Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:24 am

I've only read a couple of PSs on this forum and I'm ready bored by the "this class awoke my intellectual fervor" schpill followed by a regurgitation of your resume masked as some sort of epiphany/renewed personal drive. Imagine an admissions officer who reads thousands of these. Time permitting, rewrite.

wiglaf1228
Posts: 72
Joined: Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:05 am

Re: FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby wiglaf1228 » Fri May 04, 2012 1:23 am

Not your fault, but what the hell does this mean:

As I looked around at the sea of unfamiliar faces, I anxiously awaited the professor of my first law course to address the class. The professor began, “this class will be different from the classes you have taken, as you will be required to think critically,


"Think critically?" As opposed to just thinking? Does it mean you think super hard about something? What a terribly meaningless phrase.

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Glock
Posts: 395
Joined: Sat Jul 02, 2011 6:48 pm

Re: FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby Glock » Fri May 04, 2012 3:16 am

Too many completely unnecessary uses of "had." I had found this, I had found that. Just remove them and make stronger sentences.

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cutecarmel
Posts: 599
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:39 pm

Re: FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby cutecarmel » Wed May 30, 2012 6:19 pm

I don't like it. Honestly, it sounds like a boring resume.

So, I've heard a lot the the "law courses" offered in undergrad are nothing like what you will take in law school, so I wouldn't get into details about that. Its also unnecessary that you enrolled in a bunch of law courses, because your knowledge and those courses aren't going to give you an advantage over anyone.

Please change this an make it more about you and less of a repetition of your resume and transcript.

MrAnon
Posts: 1615
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2010 9:08 pm

Re: FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby MrAnon » Wed May 30, 2012 6:23 pm

Its pretty bleh but you could send it in, it won't really matter in the end. just your GPA and LSAT are all that counts.

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YYZ
Posts: 139
Joined: Fri Mar 18, 2011 3:39 pm

Re: FINALLY DONE. Im about to send this in, any mistakes?

Postby YYZ » Wed May 30, 2012 6:27 pm

You are better off focusing on a particular experience you've had in life that's made you a better/stronger person. For example, have you overcome any personal hardships? Did you go through any life altering experiences, etc.?




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