First draft of PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
JC_wu
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2012 12:30 am

First draft of PS

Postby JC_wu » Mon Jan 09, 2012 12:38 am

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Last edited by JC_wu on Tue Jan 10, 2012 8:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

thederangedwang
Posts: 1124
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:44 pm

Re: First draft of PS

Postby thederangedwang » Mon Jan 09, 2012 1:18 am

Are you working as an accountant now or are you employed in a favorable fashion? I understand your reasons being a first generation chinese immigrant myself, but the legal market is really bad right now so if you do have a steady good paying job, you might want to reconsider law...at least postpone it for nowl

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: First draft of PS

Postby kublaikahn » Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:21 pm

This is an excellent PS, just poorly written. The second to final paragraph should be reconsidered as well. Very few applicants will have the confidence and maturity to say they passed on an athletic scholarship because they were not ready academically. And you have a valid excuse for not being prepared. You are definitely on the right track. Work on the grammar and flow of the piece. And rework the penultimate paragraph. Your tone goes very quickly from really honest and genuine to a bit contrived.

JC_wu
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 09, 2012 12:30 am

Re: First draft of PS

Postby JC_wu » Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:57 pm

Thank you for the comment and advices. It's just the first draft. Just want to get some feedback on it.




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