TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9 Forum
- JDndMSW
- Posts: 602
- Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:32 am
TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9
Thanks <3
Last edited by JDndMSW on Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:57 pm, edited 5 times in total.
- Lincoln
- Posts: 1208
- Joined: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:27 pm
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!
I stopped reading after...
JDndMSW wrote:As a sat . . .
- JDndMSW
- Posts: 602
- Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:32 am
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!
I know it's cliche as fuck I just spent FOREVER mulling that over that I just had to say fuck it and come back to it so I could actually start writing it.Lincoln wrote:I stopped reading after...JDndMSW wrote:As a sat . . .
- Lincoln
- Posts: 1208
- Joined: Tue Nov 03, 2009 11:27 pm
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!
You are correct. Typos are cliché as fuck. If you can't read it through, how do you expect anyone else to do so?
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Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!
Sorry, tried to read but couldn't divert eyes from cleavage. Will read fully in exchange for racier photos.
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- JDndMSW
- Posts: 602
- Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:32 am
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!
Lol wow I didn't even see that until just then, haha FAILLincoln wrote:You are correct. Typos are cliché as fuck. If you can't read it through, how do you expect anyone else to do so?
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- Posts: 647
- Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!
Start over. this is a resume regurgitation. The part about Montana and your dad should not be in there. That combined with your tar tells the reader you are needy and insecure. But I still like the tar.
- JDndMSW
- Posts: 602
- Joined: Wed Jan 12, 2011 4:32 am
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9
BUMP for an update!
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- Posts: 67
- Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:49 pm
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9
What I noticed on 1st Paragraph, wording & intro was awkward. "realize, realities, self-reliant..."
I think you need to start over again. It's a bit too long. Personally I would focus more about Americorps and what you did during college years.
I think you need to start over again. It's a bit too long. Personally I would focus more about Americorps and what you did during college years.
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- Posts: 302
- Joined: Thu Nov 04, 2010 12:28 pm
Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9
Just in the first few sentences. How is living with dad spreading your wings? To me, not really. Your conclusion in the first para also makes no sense. You lived with dad. Punctuation and grammar need improvement. I didn;t read past para 1.