TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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JDndMSW
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TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9

Postby JDndMSW » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:19 pm

Thanks <3
Last edited by JDndMSW on Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:57 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Lincoln
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Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!

Postby Lincoln » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:22 pm

I stopped reading after...
JDndMSW wrote:As a sat . . .

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JDndMSW
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Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!

Postby JDndMSW » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:24 pm

Lincoln wrote:I stopped reading after...
JDndMSW wrote:As a sat . . .


I know it's cliche as fuck I just spent FOREVER mulling that over that I just had to say fuck it and come back to it so I could actually start writing it.

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Lincoln
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Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!

Postby Lincoln » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:25 pm

You are correct. Typos are cliché as fuck. If you can't read it through, how do you expect anyone else to do so?

BeaverHunter
Posts: 98
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:05 am

Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!

Postby BeaverHunter » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:26 pm

Sorry, tried to read but couldn't divert eyes from cleavage. Will read fully in exchange for racier photos.

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JDndMSW
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Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!

Postby JDndMSW » Fri Jan 06, 2012 8:31 pm

Lincoln wrote:You are correct. Typos are cliché as fuck. If you can't read it through, how do you expect anyone else to do so?


Lol wow I didn't even see that until just then, haha FAIL

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help!

Postby kublaikahn » Fri Jan 06, 2012 9:24 pm

Start over. this is a resume regurgitation. The part about Montana and your dad should not be in there. That combined with your tar tells the reader you are needy and insecure. But I still like the tar.

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JDndMSW
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Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9

Postby JDndMSW » Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:40 pm

BUMP for an update!

Jante05
Posts: 67
Joined: Tue Jan 03, 2012 4:49 pm

Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9

Postby Jante05 » Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:52 pm

What I noticed on 1st Paragraph, wording & intro was awkward. "realize, realities, self-reliant..."
I think you need to start over again. It's a bit too long. Personally I would focus more about Americorps and what you did during college years.

bmore
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Re: TLS attention whore of the year needs your help! UPDATED 2/9

Postby bmore » Tue Jan 10, 2012 3:02 pm

Just in the first few sentences. How is living with dad spreading your wings? To me, not really. Your conclusion in the first para also makes no sense. You lived with dad. Punctuation and grammar need improvement. I didn;t read past para 1.




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