Y u no critique my PS?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

Y u no critique my PS?

Postby Duramax80 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 5:53 pm

Many universities share a common feature within their student populations, as they are filled with students with lots of talent, but little direction, and thus, little motivation. When I started school, I drifted through my classes without a sense of who or what I wanted to be. However, I was pulled out of my vacillation and indecisiveness upon enrolling in a required Constitutional Law and Criminal Procedure course, leading me to finally realize my purpose and unlock my intellectual potential. I looked at this class as a venture into uncharted waters and an opportunity to test intellectual skills I had not previously applied. Little did I know that this course would have a tremendous impact on me, essentially changing who I was, and who I was to become.

After the first week of class, I felt that I had finally found my place, something that I had previously thought to be nonexistent. The course and the concepts it included were demanding, yet I was able to understand and successfully apply them in their entirety. The format of the class included in-class debate, case analysis, fact pattern analysis, strength assessment of potential defenses and hypothetical judiciary decisions, all of which significantly fueled my intellectual curiosity. I especially enjoyed reviewing historical cases and analyzing the reasoning behind each party’s actions, ranging from the opening statements to the eventual jury decisions and judicial rulings. As the class came to an end, I continued to seek a strong foundation in legal education, enrolling myself in as many law classes as possible. I had found my drive that I had been lacking, ignited by a sincere interest in all aspects of law, and I knew from that point on that this was the field I wanted to be a part of. I began to take pride in my studies, and as my undergraduate career progressed, I tuned my passion and drive that I had unlocked in my legal classes to other aspects of my academic life. As time went on, scholarly life became incredibly enjoyable and rewarding, further fueling my desire to enter into the legal profession. The transformation that ensued was so significant, that in my final year, I earned my place on the Dean’s List honor roll. I had found where I belong, conquered my uncertainty, and therefore, conquered myself.

After graduating from University, ready to take on new challenges, I ventured out into the professional world in hopes of expanding my interest and foundation in law even further. I volunteered for an unpaid internship position at the XXXXX, a local law firm that specializes in several areas including business law, family law, bankruptcy, immigration and DUI. The wide range of specialties the firm worked within gave me the opportunity to develop and sharpen the skills necessary to successfully operate in vastly diverse and high stress environments. Successfully maneuvering through the different legal niches, I enhanced my ability to adapt to new situations, relate to people from different demographics, apply an objective approach to each situation, and view each case from beginning to end, including hypothesizing potential outcomes and rulings the case may generate in court.

Aside from the skills I developed behind the phones and desks, I realized the impact attorneys had on people’s lives. Specifically, I remember speaking with a client who endured unsubstantiated accusations of child abuse, and was therefore denied visitation with his daughter. During several conversations with the client, I could easily see the damage such accusations had inflicted on his personal and professional life. When the case went to court, he was finally awarded visitation rights with his daughter. I became cognizant of the fact that people need attorneys to guide them through troubling circumstances. It was on that day that I fully realized, with no doubt in my mind, the calling I felt in my undergraduate law classes was justified. Not only did I have a passion and understanding of law, I saw the importance of practicing law and the extent to which it could improve the wellbeing of others, reinforcing my goal of law school and the life I want to lead.


Whatcha think? I think its ready to go.
Last edited by Duramax80 on Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:18 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

Re: Weak introduction, strong finish. Does this turn you off?

Postby Duramax80 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 6:11 pm

23 views and no critiques?!

I think I have finally finished.

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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

Re: Weak introduction, strong finish. Does this turn you off?

Postby Duramax80 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 7:18 pm

anyone?

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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

Re: Please critique my PS, I think its good, but who knows

Postby Duramax80 » Fri Jan 06, 2012 1:53 am

Bueller?

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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

Re: Please critique my PS, I think its good, but who knows

Postby Duramax80 » Fri Jan 06, 2012 4:15 pm

Y u no help?

Image

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icecold3000
Posts: 213
Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:50 am

Re: Y u no critique my PS?

Postby icecold3000 » Fri Jan 06, 2012 5:07 pm

its not amazing, but it will probably be alright.

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Gizmo
Posts: 58
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2011 7:24 pm

Re: Y u no critique my PS?

Postby Gizmo » Fri Jan 06, 2012 5:08 pm

I think: It reads like your transcript in narrative form, but with larger-than-necessary words thrown in. The strong language makes it sound like you're overselling your experiences. Epic "inward journeys" or "revelatory understandings" are generally hyperbolic. Even then, nothing gets more than a sentence or two of development, which hurts your story-telling.

So I'm not really a fan.
But that's just me.

Master Tofu
Posts: 235
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2006 11:43 pm

Re: Y u no critique my PS?

Postby Master Tofu » Fri Jan 06, 2012 5:18 pm

If you have time, try reading some of the other PSs that have been posted in the forum and the comments in those threads. Your writing contains the typical issues (not to be overly critical but consider these: too much telling (instead of showing), too much resume regurgitation, too little depth, etc).

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: Y u no critique my PS?

Postby kublaikahn » Fri Jan 06, 2012 6:20 pm

Didn't know what to do.
found criminal justice
got a job.

Still not that interesting. I think a PS should be about what makes you unique, not what makes you everyman.




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