NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mcdeeremitch
Posts: 317
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 8:16 pm

NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby mcdeeremitch » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:03 am

I need to submit apps by this weekend so any advice is appreciated.

Starting my undergraduate education, I felt somewhat lost. Why exactly do I want to be a lawyer? As a youth I spent my free time engrossing myself in law shows and books that I could understand at the time trying to comprehend the complex yet intriguing legal obstacles that they presented, rather than watching cartoons and playing outside like most of my peers. Through the years my career goals have never wavered, they stayed true to the aspiration of becoming a lawyer. In spite of this I still felt a void. Even though I have stayed true to my goals the exact reason why I wanted to be a lawyer always escaped me. When people would ask me why I wanted to be a lawyer I would give them a myriad of reasons, all of them were great reasons but yet I was left searching for more.

It was in my sophomore year of college that I would begin to get a grip on this always escaping true reason. During a meeting with my Ethics professor who doubled as the pre-law advisor I presented my angst to him. Having spent the last 40 years as a practicing attorney his advice to me was that if I was looking for the legal profession to provide me with something I would never be fulfilled instead he encouraged me to serve the legal profession and in turn it would serve me back. While I could grasp the principle he was trying to provide to me it still felt like I was searching.

Then a couple weeks later it clicked. I was presented with an incredible opportunity to serve as a leader in an organization at my school that would allow me to put on diversity workshops to the student body and faculty. Along with teaching people about how to handle diversity, I also was afforded the opportunity to have discussions with these individuals about how diversity has played a role in their lives. Meeting with these individuals and hearing their stories about their own injustices that they faced in large reasons because of their diversity. While I won’t delve into details of what was discussed because of privacy reasons, the stories that I heard unsettled me to my core in part because I could relate to some of them. My reason for becoming a lawyer became crystal clear, my role in the legal system would be to help people overcome similar discriminations and in turn possibly help change society.

I was able to begin employment with a law firm, where I really got a grasp of how I could use my passion for law to help people like the ones I encountered through this organization. Working alongside attorneys, I learned something every day and continue to be employed there. The beauty of my reinvigorated passion for law is that having realized why I truly wanted to pursue it, it lends itself to all different spectrums of law, whether it be corporate law, criminal, or civil, I could follow my desire in all different areas.

Being involved in my organization as well as my conversations with my professor showed me that it is possible to use the legal system to affect people’s lives. Working closely with attorneys, clients, and other individuals will not only enable me to be at the head of this change but be a influence in encouraging it. I willingly embrace the challenges that this kind of law will face.

lsatcrazy
Posts: 388
Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 8:08 pm

Re: NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby lsatcrazy » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:11 am

Let me get this straight: You always knew you wanted to be a lawyer, but you weren't sure why, and spent all of college thinking about what the reason was? Nothing wrong with "why law", but this is to much and comes across as strange.

thederangedwang
Posts: 1124
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:44 pm

Re: NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby thederangedwang » Thu Jan 05, 2012 11:41 am

this is a "ugh" personal statement. Because it makes readers go ugh when they read it. It's cliche and really doesnt show any aspect of you that is worth showing. I would scrap this topic...a personal statement wholly devoted to such a juvenile search for law is no-go

postn0bills
Posts: 160
Joined: Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:09 pm

Re: NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby postn0bills » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:25 pm

I think you should nix the first two paragraphs and expand on the third. Talk about specifics, what was the organization called? How did you teach people about diversity? What did you learn from someone's experience? You can discuss hypothetical details without disclosing names, and doing so would reveal more about you as a person and what your motivations are. Not knowing why you didn't want to go to law school before is irrelevant. You know now, focus on how you figured it out.

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kennethellenparcell
Posts: 509
Joined: Fri Oct 29, 2010 1:02 am

Re: NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby kennethellenparcell » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:43 pm

My friend, sorry to say - but this statement employs nearly every cliche in the book. (1) Wanted to be a lawyer since very young, partly because you were very into legal dramas; (2) Claims of wanting to help people using the law; and therefore (3) Slight slant towards wanting to pursue public interest. I once heard Dean Perry at Chicago say something like 90% of people go into law school claiming they want to pursue public interest, but 90% of graduates actually end up working in law firms.

Also, it's very vague and I don't really get any sense of who you are. If I was an adcomm, I would have no idea why you would be a good addition to my class. I would suggest maybe writing something and focusing on the stuff I bolded. I want to hear about your experiences regarding diversity. Specific experiences.

While I don't think your current statement will hurt you that much (if you have the numbers), it certainly doesn't do you any favors. I've learned that it's generally a pretty bad idea to write a why law essay unless you have the experiences to back it up. You may. But from your statement, it doesn't seem so yet.

mcdeeremitch wrote: Then a couple weeks later it clicked. I was presented with an incredible opportunity to serve as a leader in an organization at my school that would allow me to put on diversity workshops to the student body and faculty. Along with teaching people about how to handle diversity, I also was afforded the opportunity to have discussions with these individuals about how diversity has played a role in their lives. Meeting with these individuals and hearing their stories about their own injustices that they faced in large reasons because of their diversity. While I won’t delve into details of what was discussed because of privacy reasons, the stories that I heard unsettled me to my core in part because I could relate to some of them. My reason for becoming a lawyer became crystal clear, my role in the legal system would be to help people overcome similar discriminations and in turn possibly help change society.

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FratLaw
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Dec 18, 2011 2:51 pm

Re: NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby FratLaw » Thu Jan 05, 2012 12:59 pm

I couldn't make it past the first paragraph. Your PS is bullshit! Sorry!

mcdeeremitch
Posts: 317
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 8:16 pm

Re: NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby mcdeeremitch » Thu Jan 05, 2012 2:50 pm

kennethellenparcell and postn0bills thanks for your comments I am going to go back and revise based on them and will have the revised edition up later for comments I appreciate the honest feedback


anyone else have any comments?

mcdeeremitch
Posts: 317
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 8:16 pm

Re: NEED ANY ADVICE ON PS..TEAR TO SHREDS

Postby mcdeeremitch » Thu Jan 05, 2012 5:06 pm

Anybody else




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