(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
2 posts • Page 1 of 1
- Posts: 94
- Joined: Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:26 pm
I get that you're trying to use the valedictorian story to demonstrate how important education is and what a sacrifice your parents made for you in your pursuit of it. (it also makes you seem if anything like a jerk for wanting such a dumb title that has nothing to do with learning itself.) However, I think your essay would be stronger without it. It just wastes space in my opinion. Overall, the essay is too long and I think the way you tie in the legal stuff towards the end feels rushed and forced. It's a little wordy too. Hmm. I'll post more thoughts if I stop watching college football.
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