Fin

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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moneybagsphd
Posts: 889
Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2011 11:07 pm

Fin

Postby moneybagsphd » Fri Dec 30, 2011 8:26 pm

Dear Reader,
You are an asshole. How dare you sit here presuming to judge me; there is only one judge, and I am that judge, presiding over my court. You are an asshole, and I sentence you to let me into law school, also twenty hours of community service. No charges will be on your permanent record, as long as you complete traffic school.
If admitted to your law school, I will certainly not attend. I won’t show up to the classes, or take your tests. I will administer my own tests. There will be no curve. You think that I am Romney, put here to please you and convince you that I am worthy to attend your law school. You could not be more wrong. I am Newt Gingrich, a noble philosopher King, descendent of Jupiter, forger of books, mathematician and architect, genius and poet, fluent in a dozen star dialects, and ruler of the Crabpeople.
In the year 2500, when scholars excavate the library of MoneyBagsPhd’s Law School (formerly Yale Law School), the most prestigious law school in human history, they will discover an ancient document with your name on it, my name on it, and one more word. You decide what that word is. I would suggest you make that word count because it is all that anyone will ever remember you for, and the only thing that will remain in just a few hundred years. All of your descendents will be extinct. Your lineage will end with the Sino-American-Crabpeople War. Brutally murdered and used as fuel by the Crabpeople.
So where are we now? Our factories produce nearly five tons of titanium alloys a day, our employs speak Latin and hail from a hundred different Continents. Where are we going? We hope to expand, increasing our output, while maintaining proven customer service, and critical support networks for all of your online solutions. Our computers run a sophisticated biotechnology blend, like in Transformers 2, directed by Michael Bay, only better and even more action-packed. Our paper is five times as thick as that of your normal office building, our employs don’t work weekends. We believe a happy worker is an effective worker; a terrified worker is an honest worker. We are involved in over five hundred industries, and leader of a million more, we are inventing new markets every day. To our enemies, the steel drum of our progress beats ever closer to our resounding victory. To all observers, there is only one construct-able narrative: We are the Champions.
If you do not admit me to your law school, I won’t be angry, but I will be disappointed as a father who catches his son making out with a fat chick. Seriously, bro, you can’t teach taste. I am flavor like MSG, like a robust cigarette, or the Fugu fish, improperly prepared and brimming with Tetrodotoxin.
In conclusion, your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd committed with no calm, as if they were irresistible. Finally you fear blood more and more. Blood and time.

Thank you for your consideration,
moneybagsphd

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Bildungsroman
Posts: 5548
Joined: Sun Apr 11, 2010 2:42 pm

Re: Fin

Postby Bildungsroman » Fri Dec 30, 2011 8:28 pm

moneybagsphd wrote: You think that I am Romney, put here to please you and convince you that I am worthy to attend your law school. You could not be more wrong. I am Newt Gingrich, a noble philosopher King, descendent of Jupiter, forger of books, mathematician and architect, genius and poet, fluent in a dozen star dialects, and ruler of the Crabpeople.

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thederangedwang
Posts: 1124
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:44 pm

Re: Fin

Postby thederangedwang » Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:51 am

i wish somebody would go through the whole app process and send a ps like this just for laughs

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Yeshia90
Posts: 988
Joined: Sun Apr 03, 2011 12:23 am

Re: Fin

Postby Yeshia90 » Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:53 am

thederangedwang wrote:i wish somebody would go through the whole app process and send a ps like this just for laughs


I think I still have a bunch of fee waivers to meh schools where I'm a super-autoadmit. Worth it to spend $16 to see if they even read personal statements?

thederangedwang
Posts: 1124
Joined: Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:44 pm

Re: Fin

Postby thederangedwang » Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:56 am

Yeshia90 wrote:
thederangedwang wrote:i wish somebody would go through the whole app process and send a ps like this just for laughs


I think I still have a bunch of fee waivers to meh schools where I'm a super-autoadmit. Worth it to spend $16 to see if they even read personal statements?

well....i dont want anything bad happening to you...if a hard-ass with no sense of humor read your ps and got really pissed off, I could conceivably see how he/she could dig around and see where else you applied and try to get back at you

having said that, go for it! :mrgreen: i wanna the response you get!

anonymous124
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Dec 06, 2011 7:33 am

Re: Fin

Postby anonymous124 » Sat Dec 31, 2011 4:11 pm

Please do this that is hillarous




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