Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

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alpha04jl
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Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby alpha04jl » Fri Dec 23, 2011 9:45 pm

Hey everyone,
I admit this is an unconventional addendum. I pray it doesn't work against me. Please review. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.


ACADEMIC ADDENDUM

I offer no excuses in my addendum. My objective herein is to present a more holistic portrait of my capabilities than your esteemed admissions committee may glean from my GPA and LSAT score alone. Therefore, I will labor to advance the argument that my professional experience has adequately prepared me for legal studies. In the end I ask, that my work to change my community and the skill sets developed therein, be evaluated equally against the two above-referenced metrics.
I serve as both the Constituent Liaison and Communications Director for a Houston City Council District larger in square miles than Atlanta, Georgia. In this capacity, I represent an area with both the largest concentration of people with HIV/AIDS in Houston, and of sex offenders absent facilities designed to house or track them. Daily, I toil to develop solutions that mitigate the effects of systemic issues such as: rampant crime, inaccessibility to healthy foods, failing schools, deficient green space, neglected infrastructure, and a thriving drug market. I employ to advance arguments that will move Houston’s current administration to act on these dynamics. I humbly submit to you that the real-world experience of thinking through such complex problems is an exercise complete with both the critical and lateral thinking skills you look for in the process of converting talented students into capable lawyers.
It would be disingenuous to suggest my enthusiasm for confronting these socioeconomic ills lies strictly within the want to competently perform my job. Because I was reared in an underserved community I am passionate about their neglect. However, my personal ambition to see resources distributed equitably cannot impede my development of a solid argument. I avoid developing an argument centered on economics, political ramifications, or partisanship. I seek not to research the financial implications of shifting resources, or consider the obvious advantages my Councilperson will reap from a new park or police station being built in the district. These quality of life issues can be attacked from numerous motivations; however my success in igniting a call to action hinges upon my ability to reason legally and logically.
My assertions have been embraced by developing arguments with the legal system in mind. I endeavor to argue that the stark allocation disparity in underserved communities is on its face historically imbalanced, and that we’ve left ourselves vulnerable to the threat of compelling legal action. While the funding for better schools, law enforcement, green space, and other quality of life indicators may never be completely equitable, I have sparked a significant reexamination of Houston’s capital improvement allocation.
Metrics from a single test or past academic performance are not reflective of the person I am today. Today I am confident in my ability to vigorously compete in your superior legal program. While realizing these metrics are important in predicting an applicant’s success, I believe my experimental learning and aptitude to challenge multi-layered issues speak to my intellectual capacity. My passion and experience will add a richness and diversity to your incoming class of law students. These attributes mirror a personal growth and change I’ve undergone since my undergraduate work several years ago.

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NomNom
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby NomNom » Tue Dec 27, 2011 9:55 pm

I serve as both the Constituent Liaison and Communications Director for a Houston City Council District larger in square miles than Atlanta, Georgia. In this capacity, I represent an area with both the largest concentration of people with HIV/AIDS in Houston

Mentioning Houston negates the need to compare a Houston City Council District to the size of Atlanta, GA.

I would take out the, pardon my expression, "ass kissing" parts directed at the committee. It comes across as cheesy.

You "submit arguments" and try to get administration to move on these issues. Okay. Are your arguments effective? What have you achieved personally? You have real world experience - so do most people. You recognize that problems exist in the world. Okay. You need more to back up what you have personally achieved...possibly in a less verbose manner. You are asking for an opinion, so I am giving you one. You've used a lot of big words to basically say you've made suggestions to others to take action.

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franklyscarlet
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby franklyscarlet » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:01 pm

I read this quickly, but I can't figure out how this serves as an academic addendum. Also, all the above advice is credited.its very bombastic without saying much and self-deprecating with the sense that you don't believe that you really need to be.

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crabcakes
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby crabcakes » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:03 pm

wow, wayyyy too long. IMO addendums should be short and sweet, and as direct as possible. remove all the unnecessary language and simplify as much as possible.

alpha04jl
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby alpha04jl » Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:12 pm

Thank you for the advice . Making edits .

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emkay625
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby emkay625 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:16 pm

This doesn't seem like an addendum. This seems like a PS or DS.

An addendum is supposed to offer direct explanation as to why your gpa or lsat is low. This doesn't do that. This is likely to annoy the admissions committee if you submit it as a gpa/lsat addendum. Submit it as a diversity statement instead.

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YourCaptain
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby YourCaptain » Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:18 pm

This isn't an addendum buddy this is just your way of trying to fluff up your work experience cause your gpa obviously isn't great.

People here stress addendums constantly, but an addendum should address something not on paper - got a C in something because of a parent's illness, or had a child during college, whatever. they should not be used as some request to excuse past performance and look at the more recent past. If I were reviewing your app I'd be annoyed that you submitted this

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QuincyWagstaff
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby QuincyWagstaff » Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:22 pm

What is your LSAT score, and do you have any extenuating circumstances for your performance?

Also, you should consider a change in your writing style.
Last edited by QuincyWagstaff on Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Tom Joad
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby Tom Joad » Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:23 pm

You should probably rethink the whole addendum, but if you do write something get rid of the cheesy ass kissing stuff. It reads like it is the Middle Ages and you are petitioning your king.

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TommyK
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby TommyK » Wed Dec 28, 2011 3:02 pm

Addenda are useful in explaining atypical scores. For example, if you have a 151 and a 172 LSAT, you may choose to write an addendum explaining the jump - a meteor struck your center during section two and that the 172 is more reflective of your abilities. Or a couple semesters with average of 2.3 - because of a death in the family, major medical problems, administrative issues that caused withdrawals to be marked as F's, etc.

What they're not that useful in doing is trying to convince the school that the qualifications by which they judge candidates are poorly chosen and should not be applied to you.

The stuff you talk about might make a fine personal statement (so long as you're not highlighting your academic shortcomings), though I would drop the forced attempt at legalese. Don't tell me what you're going to tell me. Just tell me.

I would abandon the idea of an academic addendum unless you have a legitimate external factor that contributed to your performance.

berkeleykel06
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby berkeleykel06 » Wed Dec 28, 2011 3:23 pm

I humbly endeavor to argue that please for the love of God scrap this entire addendum.

alpha04jl
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Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2010 1:12 am

Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby alpha04jl » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:43 pm

To All:
I thank you for the help . While I am a bit disappointed in the tone of some of the responses I appreciate the time you've taken to read it . I always thought this was a forum to encourage and guide applicants as opposed to just stating your annoyance with what they've written.
In no way do I mean to come across as pompous in this addendum. I can't , I am trying to make up for quite a bit . I am obviously not conveying what I hope to. If at the very least my addendum serves to show someone what NOT to write maybe I helped someone . Which is why we're all here , right? I've gathered from you all my addendum needs a lot of work and that this unconventional addendum may hurt me more than help me . Back to te drawing board. :| Thanks again and Happy Holidays and New Years . Good Luck to everyone applying .

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franklyscarlet
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby franklyscarlet » Wed Dec 28, 2011 11:45 pm

alpha04jl wrote:To All:
I thank you for the help . While I am a bit disappointed in the tone of some of the responses I appreciate the time you've taken to read it . I always thought this was a forum to encourage and guide applicants as opposed to just stating your annoyance with what they've written.
In no way do I mean to come across as pompous in this addendum. I can't , I am trying to make up for quite a bit . I am obviously not conveying what I hope to. If at the very least my addendum serves to show someone what NOT to write maybe I helped someone . Which is why we're all here , right? I've gathered from you all my addendum needs a lot of work and that this unconventional addendum may hurt me more than help me . Back to te drawing board. :| Thanks again and Happy Holidays and New Years . Good Luck to everyone applying .


Think of it this way- although some comments were harsh, better harsh comments from TLSers than from an admissions committee. Best of luck on your rewrites!

kublaikahn
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Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby kublaikahn » Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:12 am

I offer no excuses in my addendum. My objective herein is to present a more holistic portrait of my capabilities than your esteemed admissions committee may glean from my GPA and LSAT score alone.
The purpose of the academic addendum is to provide an explanation (excuses) for poor grades. So when you say you offer no excuses, you are saying, "this is not an academic addendum." Your entire application should present a "more holistic portrait of [your] capabilities." And never use the word 'herein' where no word will do.


Because I was reared in an underserved community I am passionate about their neglect.
Can you see the grammatical error and the double entendre in this sentence?

berkeleykel06
Posts: 292
Joined: Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:39 am

Re: Applying this Week, please review my Academic Addendum

Postby berkeleykel06 » Thu Dec 29, 2011 1:27 am

alpha04jl wrote:To All:
I thank you for the help . While I am a bit disappointed in the tone of some of the responses I appreciate the time you've taken to read it . I always thought this was a forum to encourage and guide applicants as opposed to just stating your annoyance with what they've written.
In no way do I mean to come across as pompous in this addendum. I can't , I am trying to make up for quite a bit . I am obviously not conveying what I hope to. If at the very least my addendum serves to show someone what NOT to write maybe I helped someone . Which is why we're all here , right? I've gathered from you all my addendum needs a lot of work and that this unconventional addendum may hurt me more than help me . Back to te drawing board. :| Thanks again and Happy Holidays and New Years . Good Luck to everyone applying .


Fine. I'll attempt at more constructive criticism. Like others have said, this is an inappropriate topic (or at the very least much too lengthy and involved) for an academic addendum. However, I will try to help you out a bit with your writing style, which is much too formal and fluffed up.

Here is your first paragraph:
"I offer no excuses in my addendum. My objective herein is to present a more holistic portrait of my capabilities than your esteemed admissions committee may glean from my GPA and LSAT score alone. Therefore, I will labor to advance the argument that my professional experience has adequately prepared me for legal studies. In the end I ask, that my work to change my community and the skill sets developed therein, be evaluated equally against the two above-referenced metrics."

Here is how I would rewrite your first paragraph, sans obnoxiousness:
"I believe that my GPA and LSAT score do not effectively convey my full potential. My professional experience is a much better indicator of the quality of work that I am capable of producing, so I ask that you take this into account while evaluating my GPA and LSAT score."




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