After taking your suggestions, this is my 2nd draft.

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Duramax80
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Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

After taking your suggestions, this is my 2nd draft.

Postby Duramax80 » Mon Dec 19, 2011 8:19 pm

The time I spent as an undergraduate at XXXXX was riddled with uncertainty, full of holes I was seemingly unable to fill. In my earlier years, I struggled with finding direction in my personal and academic life. I often felt that I had no place in the world, unable to find a field of study in which I truly felt my calling. The lack of direction morphed into a lack of motivation, fueled by hesitation and uncertainty of what my future held. However, I was pulled out of my self induced vacillation and indecisiveness upon enrolling into a Criminal Law and Procedure course, leading me to finally realize my purpose and potential.

I felt that I had finally found my place, something that I had previously thought to be nonexistent. The course and the concepts it included were demanding, yet I was able to understand and successfully apply them in their entirety. As the course concluded, I continued to seek a strong foundation in legal education, enrolling myself in as many law classes as possible. I had found my drive that I had been lacking, ignited by a sincere interest in all aspects of law, and I knew from that point on that this was the field I wanted to be a part of. I began to take pride in my studies, and as my undergraduate career progressed, I tuned my ferocity and drive that I had unlocked in my legal classes to other aspects of my personal, and especially, my academic life. As time went on, scholarly life became incredibly enjoyable and rewarding, reinforcing my confidence and further fueling my desire to enter into the legal profession. The transformation that ensued was so significant, that in my final year, I earned my place on the Dean’s List honor roll. I had found where I belong, conquered my uncertainty, and therefore, conquered myself.

After graduating from XXXXX, ready to take on new challenges, I ventured out into the professional world in hopes of expanding my interest and foundation in law even further. I volunteered for an unpaid internship position at the XXXXX, a local law firm that specializes in several areas including business law, family law, divorce, bankruptcy, immigration and DUI. The wide range of specialties the firm worked within gave me the opportunity to develop and sharpen the skills necessary to successfully operate in vastly diverse and high stress environments. Taking hold of any opportunity that arose, I enhanced my ability to adapt to new situations, relate to people from different demographics, apply an objective approach to each situation, and view each case from beginning to end, including hypothesizing potential outcomes and rulings the case may generate in court.

Aside from the skills I developed behind the phones and desks, I realized the impact being an attorney had on people’s lives. Specifically, I can remember speaking with a prospective client who, in tears, had told me that her spouse was physically abusive and she quickly needed a divorce. As the conversation concluded, I encouraged her to meet with our legal team, reassuring her of the assistance she so desperately needed. As she was leaving the office, I distinctly remember XXXXX, the senior attorney and my chief mentor, looking her in the eyes and saying, “don’t worry, we can help you.” My heart swelled with pride in knowing that I had been a part of the instrument that would grant her freedom. It was on that day that I fully realized, with no doubt in my mind, the calling I felt in my undergraduate law classes was justified. Not only did I have a passion and understanding of law, I saw the importance of practicing law and the extent to which it could improve the wellbeing of others, reinforcing my goal of law school and the life I want to lead.


**I abandoned the social anxiety portion, and focused on the change I went through during undergrad and the experiences at my internship. Is this a better approach? Thanks for all your help.

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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

Re: After taking your suggestions, this is my 2nd draft.

Postby Duramax80 » Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:01 pm

suggestions? comments? critiques?

I feel like its jagged and scattered, does it strike anyone in the same way?

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icecold3000
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Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2010 10:50 am

Re: After taking your suggestions, this is my 2nd draft.

Postby icecold3000 » Tue Dec 20, 2011 10:24 am

This comes across as insincere.

If you are going to write that an undergrad Criminal Law and Procedure course changed your outlook on life, you better be more convincing find a new angle.

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Duramax80
Posts: 134
Joined: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:34 pm

Re: After taking your suggestions, this is my 2nd draft.

Postby Duramax80 » Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:14 pm

I see how it could appear to be insincere, and I appreciate your input. In finding a new angle, what would you recommend that I do? I wish I could expand on how significant an impact taking law classes had on my outlook, yet I am struggling to elaborate on such a topic in the constraints of a 2 page statement.

Any ideas on what I should do?




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