PS Draft . . Thoughts please!

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JG7773
Posts: 333
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 2:02 am

PS Draft . . Thoughts please!

Postby JG7773 » Sun Dec 11, 2011 12:25 am

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Last edited by JG7773 on Sun May 24, 2015 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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cutecarmel
Posts: 599
Joined: Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:39 pm

Re: PS Draft . . Thoughts please!

Postby cutecarmel » Sun Dec 11, 2011 2:51 am

I personally didn't really care for this PS. I thought the beginning was too theatrical. I also didn't like the theme of the "9-year college student" because it really doesn't seem like you got anything out of it. Yea, you got work experience, but so did many people who were only in college for 4 years. Also, it comes off as you trying to make excuses for taking so long to finish (which I don't feel that you have to do) and the excuses aren't really convincing (you were met with financial challenges that many college students are met with every year

You talked about never giving up on your goals, but what happened to your dreams of working on Wall Street? If your gping to mention your previous goals, you should explain how those changed into a desire to study law. You talked about how your professional experience led you to want to represent small businesses, but you said nothing about what kind of professional work experience you had. (though I do like your reason for studying law)

I also don't like the last paragraph with the mention of how the law school is perfect for you. The admissions officers will see through this cookie-cutter design. If you are going to mention the schools, I would give specific reasons as to why that school fits with your professional goals, or don't mention them at all.


Keep working on it, many people have many drafts before they get the right one.

Are you applying this cycle?

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rinkrat19
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Re: PS Draft . . Thoughts please!

Postby rinkrat19 » Sun Dec 11, 2011 2:53 am

It's pretty boring, and takes two pages to tell me a story that could be told in one paragraph (or hell, one sentence: "Unable to secure private student loans, I worked my way though college.") That doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad topic; I just don't learn much about you as a person as it's written. It needs emotion (humor, pathos, suspense, anything) and details to flesh it out. People frequently use an anecdote to set the scene and draw the reader in, and then relate it to a larger theme. Was there ever a specific incident that made you resent/accept/realize the fact that you were going to have to work your way through school? Did you ever have to explain to someone why it was taking you longer to finish your degree?

JG7773
Posts: 333
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 2:02 am

Re: PS Draft . . Thoughts please!

Postby JG7773 » Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:11 am

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Last edited by JG7773 on Sun May 24, 2015 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JG7773
Posts: 333
Joined: Mon Mar 22, 2010 2:02 am

Re: PS Draft . . Thoughts please!

Postby JG7773 » Sun Dec 11, 2011 3:14 am

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Last edited by JG7773 on Sun May 24, 2015 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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cutecarmel
Posts: 599
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Re: PS Draft . . Thoughts please!

Postby cutecarmel » Sun Dec 11, 2011 2:52 pm

Make sure you put a lot of work into this. Many schools pay a lot of attention to the PS and it is a sample of your writing ability. That being said, your PS is very well written, but just a bit boring.

I would take the other poster's advice and shorten your financial aid discussion. Write about how you have grown through the experience and how this growth will make you a good law student.

Good luck!

JG7773 wrote:
cutecarmel wrote:I personally didn't really care for this PS. I thought the beginning was too theatrical. I also didn't like the theme of the "9-year college student" because it really doesn't seem like you got anything out of it. Yea, you got work experience, but so did many people who were only in college for 4 years. Also, it comes off as you trying to make excuses for taking so long to finish (which I don't feel that you have to do) and the excuses aren't really convincing (you were met with financial challenges that many college students are met with every year

You talked about never giving up on your goals, but what happened to your dreams of working on Wall Street? If your gping to mention your previous goals, you should explain how those changed into a desire to study law. You talked about how your professional experience led you to want to represent small businesses, but you said nothing about what kind of professional work experience you had. (though I do like your reason for studying law)

I also don't like the last paragraph with the mention of how the law school is perfect for you. The admissions officers will see through this cookie-cutter design. If you are going to mention the schools, I would give specific reasons as to why that school fits with your professional goals, or don't mention them at all.


Keep working on it, many people have many drafts before they get the right one.

Are you applying this cycle?


Thanks for the feedback! After reading it again, I can see how it would come off a little "excuse" like. Excellent point about the last paragraph, I do need to find a way to tie it up without resorting to the cookie-cutter.

I am planning to apply this cycle. I am waiting for my December score to come back and I will be ready to go the next day. I have my LOR's and transcripts ready, so this is just the last piece of the puzzle.




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