Rough draft - would appreciate feedback

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
coward
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2009 11:29 pm

Rough draft - would appreciate feedback

Postby coward » Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:15 am

Hi Everyone- Hoping to put applications through shortly. Everything is order except my PS.

I've got 3 years of work experience, and decided to focus on that and 'challenging myself' / getting out of my comfort zone.

redacted version below. Please refrain from quoting it as I will remove it after a day or two.

Thanks very much for your time, and if you want to swap statements, let me know.

--
removed - thanks for comments
Last edited by coward on Wed Dec 07, 2011 9:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

piousa
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2011 1:41 am

Re: Rough draft - would appreciate feedback

Postby piousa » Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:45 am

I like it. It does have a strong hook and does captivate interest, however, I think maybe you need to focus a little more on why you want to be a lawyer and what you hope to gain from it in particular maybe which law school you are choosing and why you are choosing that. You have a paragraph about it and its more like an after thought here. I do like the essay though a lot, its really interesting and does high lite your accomplishments, however, just a little more on how your experiences have helped you become oriented towards law itself.

83947368
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Oct 22, 2010 8:16 pm

Re: Rough draft - would appreciate feedback

Postby 83947368 » Wed Dec 07, 2011 2:02 am

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Last edited by 83947368 on Wed Jul 25, 2012 3:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

shoeshine
Posts: 1241
Joined: Wed May 04, 2011 10:58 pm

Re: Rough draft - would appreciate feedback

Postby shoeshine » Wed Dec 07, 2011 2:10 am

Take out any mention of Am Law 100.

coward
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat Sep 05, 2009 11:29 pm

Re: Rough draft - would appreciate feedback

Postby coward » Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:58 am

Thanks for the feedback thus far. I agree on the length - it started out longer, and this is chopped down, but it probably should be be cut further.

I'm with you Adm - My inclination is to stay away from over-talking to law piece.

Anyone else have a take on the Am Law reference?




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