Rough Draft PS. . . thoughts please.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

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Joined: Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:49 pm

Rough Draft PS. . . thoughts please.

Postby GreedIsGood » Wed Nov 23, 2011 11:51 pm

There is no defined path to a college degree. Some students are able to make it through the process in four years, others take five years and just as many majors, but what happens to those who take nine years? I can proudly speak for that portion of the population.

I entered college with dreams of completing my degree and moving on to the financial industry and chase the dream of working on Wall Street. Dreams are a funny thing. The dynamics that propel a dream forward are often unseen and unknown to a wide-eyed, naive eighteen year old, but even when they reveal themselves their impact is unknown. A month before starting my freshman year, I was in the process of finalizing my financial aid paperwork and preparing to move out into the world on my own. Little did I know what “on my own” would truly entail.

As a student I had qualified for the traditional means of federal student aid, but didn’t qualify for anything above and beyond the standard limits. I tried to apply for additional, private student loans on my own to cover the balance of tuition and living expenses for the semester, but was swiftly rejected. The solution seemed simple; I needed to find a co-signer for the loans. I went to my parents and both were rejected as co-signers. I turned to my grandparents, aunts, uncles, even cousins to try to find a willing and qualified co-signer, but to no avail.

At this point, I thought about I merely dropping out of college before even starting, but I felt that this was a moment to fight for something that you wanted. After all, I would be the first to attend and graduate from college in my family.

For the next nine years I worked full-time jobs gaining professional work experience in a range of industries making enough money to support myself and provide a way to pay for my education. The path was rough and seemingly endless at times, but I have never waivered from the dream of obtaining my degree and chasing a career in the finance industry. In April, after nine years of gaining professional work experience, attending classes part-time or full-time depending on the semester, and never giving up I will have reached my goal.

This goal only sets the stage for the next journey in life. I feel that I have cleared the first obstacle course on the path to my degree, but I am ready to further my educational background by attending [XXXXXXX]. The end goal hasn’t changed only the path that has led me to this point, and for that I am thankful.


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Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 2:26 am

Re: Rough Draft PS. . . thoughts please.

Postby smokemonsterfromLOST » Fri Nov 25, 2011 1:59 am

wavered, not waivered.

There's no clear sense of why studying the law is the right next step for you.

Also, I recommend staying away from a search&replace mention of the school you're applying to. Readers can see through that, and you're likely to embarrass yourself by forgetting to change the name.


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Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Rough Draft PS. . . thoughts please.

Postby CanadianWolf » Fri Nov 25, 2011 8:23 am

Obtaining a college degree & chasing a career in finance has little to do with law school or the practice of law. This essay may confuse readers as to why you are applying to law school.

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