submitting apps tomorrow. PLEASE HELP WITH PS

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ikadalim
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat May 28, 2011 7:03 pm

submitting apps tomorrow. PLEASE HELP WITH PS

Postby ikadalim » Wed Nov 23, 2011 3:29 am

This is a rough draft of my PS. Please critique. Thank you for your time. It is greatly appreciated.



Waiting in the doctor’s office, I began to shake my legs due to anxiety. While wringing out the pamphlet with one hand and gently stroking my shoulder with the other, the doctor walked in. “I am sorry to tell you but your MRI results are not good. The MRI shows that you have significant tears in your labrum and rotator cuff in your left shoulder. With tears such as these, you would need surgery if you want to still participate in any physical activities such as sports.” The apprehension I had about my shoulder injury promptly turned to trepidation upon hearing the certainty of surgery. However, the virtues I acquired after the surgery will be beneficial in my pursuit of a career in public interest with an emphasis on education.
Prior to hurting my shoulder, I made the commitment of forgoing the bad habits that took a toll on my body. By quitting smoking, eating healthier, and running five miles a day, I lost fifty pounds in two months. With the newfound confidence in changing from an unhealthy and sedentary lifestyle to a more active lifestyle, I was able to perform at a high level at competitive sports. Alas, this would only last for a month. In an unfortunate accident playing sports, my shoulder was badly injured with tears in both the labrum and rotator cuff.
After one week from surgery, I began physical rehabilitation for my shoulder. I vowed to use the same vigor and self- determination that allowed me to quit smoking and lose fifty pounds in a short amount of time. However, my therapist insisted I do something that I detested in order to relieve the pain and experience normalcy once again, being patient. Patience did not play a significant role in me losing the weight. Patience did little when I assisted current and future college students in trying to lower their tuition and increasing their financial aid by talking to politicians in the State Capitol Building. Soon after beginning therapy, I realize that patience is necessary in order to complete my rehabilitation. Without it, I would cause myself unnecessary setbacks towards full recovery.
With the patience I acquired during physical rehabilitation, a sense of humility came to fruition. With my disability hindering me from completing basic tasks such as preparing my own meals and driving to physical therapy, my family and friends would not hesitate to lend assistance. An injury and a recovery that many would consider painstakingly slow and physically laborious, I have since embraced due to the patience and humility I acquired during the process. The immaturity of being too impatient and prideful subsided and replaced with the patience and humility I obtained during the arduous rehabilitation.
“This surgery and recovery is not something that is easy to do on your own, no matter how self-sufficient or strong you are.” After countless hours of talking to my physical therapist, this statement from him had the most resounding impact on me. With the newfound qualities of patience and humility coupled with the intense determination I had prior to my injury, I intend to use these traits in pursuing a law degree that would allow me to practice public interest law with an emphasis on education.
With my experience with lobbying on behalf of college students to local representatives, I was deeply engrossed in advocating for those that did not have the time or the knowledge of reviewing complex higher education policies. Students discussed with me how the tuition increases and the scarcity of financial aid has hindered their pursuit of a college diploma. By defending the students’ rights to have an affordable higher education, state legislatures were held accountable by a sector of their constituents. The experience of discussing of creating policies that would assist these students exemplifies the empowering quality of law and how it can aid those who are unable to help themselves.
Realizing the tremendous effort needed to use the knowledge I gained from law school to implement policies to rectify financial impediments that college students face, the patience and humility I have acquired will allow me to embark on this responsibility successfully. The determination and grit that I had in bettering my physical condition and the experience in advocating on behalf of college students, will carry on in acquiring my law degree, and in turn, help those who are underrepresented.

ikadalim
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat May 28, 2011 7:03 pm

Re: submitting apps tomorrow. PLEASE HELP WITH PS

Postby ikadalim » Wed Nov 30, 2011 1:03 am

anybody?




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