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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
elizcbeth
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:36 pm

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Postby elizcbeth » Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:33 am

Thank you!
Last edited by elizcbeth on Tue Nov 22, 2011 10:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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salsahips
Posts: 210
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:53 pm

Re: Please be brutal with my almost final PS!

Postby salsahips » Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:51 am

I obsessed over the difference between “homecare” and “home care,” hoping the scope of the contract would be ultimately limited by a spelling mistake.


this statement, at least the way I understand it, makes you seem very callous and self-interested. You are looking for spelling mistakes to try to limit the scope of a health care contract, one that could ultimately end up in someone not receiving care? I could be wrong, but if that is not what you were trying to say, then rewrite the sentence.

elizcbeth
Posts: 47
Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 4:36 pm

Re: Please be brutal with my almost final PS!

Postby elizcbeth » Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:00 am

Hm... I was talking about our contract with the company that we were in litigation with. I would never ever try to not give a patient care. That's absolutely the opposite of our situation. haha

So then, how do I relay that sort of information? Maybe: "I obsessed over the difference between 'homecare' and 'home care,' hoping the [litigation or the lawsuit] would be ultimately limited by a spelling mistake."

Thoughts?

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salsahips
Posts: 210
Joined: Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:53 pm

Re: Please be brutal with my almost final PS!

Postby salsahips » Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:12 am

Something like "I obsessed over the difference between 'homecare' and 'home care,' hoping the [litigation or the lawsuit] would result favorably for our patient(s)." or "I obsessed over the difference between 'homecare' and 'home care,' hoping my legal diligence would recognize a key component of a contract and help us win the lawsuit." or "I developed a legal diligence that allowed me to spot the subtle differences between 'homecare' and 'home care,' which led to a favorable outcome during our litigation."

what I like about the third one is that it shows a direct action and result, not just you "hoping" something would happen. Its better if you speak affirmatively, say that you did something and that it resulted in something good. It makes you appear more assertive and confident, and not as if you're throwing ideas to the wall and seeing what sticks.

I don't now exactly whats involved with the lawsuit/litigation.. parties involved, issue involved, consequences of the outcome, etc... but just make sure that you communicate that your legal diligence did not result in some sort of good at the expense of some patient




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