DS comments (2paras)

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Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:55 pm

DS comments (2paras)

Postby mrk314 » Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:32 pm

As an international student, sometimes I am not sure whether my writing expresses the idea effectively. These are the two parts of my diversity statement. Please provide any comments and proofreading (grammar and style/expressions). Thanks TLSers!

In junior year, I suddenly became famous at school. I was known as “Pocahontas”, being tall Asian girl with long black hair who performed Pocahontas in the school’s year-end musical. Singing had become my greatest talent, enabling me to overcome both the language and cultural barriers at once. My social circle expanded greatly, and soon I was elected as a student council member for the following year. I became a “bridgder” between the American students and the international students. I encouraged international students to actively participate in student activities, while suggesting American students to be more approachable and acceptive to different cultures. That year, the school had the most diverse members both ethnically and culturally in preparing students events and fundraising. I want to be a “bridger” in everywhere I belong to. Being able to understand both majority and minority groups and the privileged and the underprivileged, I can stand on the “ground of differences”, closing the gaps between different social and economic groups.

Taking the train home, I was physically exhausted but mentally exhilarated. I had obtained the final confirmation of my decision to join the legal profession. Every moment I spent at the conference validated my belief that this is where I want to be. My resolute passion for a legal career is like a magnet that is constantly pulling me. Following this force, I am certain that I will reach not only law school but also someday to international legal conferences, but this time, as a lawyer.

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