Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

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thementor31337
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Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

Postby thementor31337 » Sat Nov 19, 2011 2:21 pm

I've read from some other TLS posts, while not being an URM, writing a diversity statement could be helpful for me because of my prior military experience and could lead to a much needed boost. Also, when I was in community college (10+ yrs ago) I wasn't the best student ever, mainly becuase I was living on my own and working full time to support myself while going to school. This threw off my LGPA to 3.31. Looking for feedback on the diversity statement below and GPA addendum, any comments would help.

Diversity Statement

My enlistment in the United States Marine Corps at the age of twenty four could definitely be considered one of life's roads less traveled. I was a successful agent at the insurance brokerage where I worked, owned my own home, and had nearly completed my Associates Degree. However, I felt I needed to travel a different road in life. I chose the Marine Corps because it is the most challenging of the services, and I was determined to earn the title United States Marine.

I earned this title in May 2007 and served on active duty until my release in November 2011. During my tour of service, I learned many skills that I will carry with me forever, such as the ability to motivate and lead, and the ability to adapt to and overcome any obstacle. Serving in the Marine Corps changed my perspective on life and has given me the confidence to take on challenges I never before would have considered, such as the decision to attend law school. My service has contributed greatly to my life experience and I feel that this experience would allow me to stand out from my peers at XXX Law School.

GPA Addendum

During the years that I attended XXX County College my grades were less than stellar. This is due in part to the fact that while attending school full time in the evening, I was working full time to support myself. I was not adequately prepared to handle the workload and my grades suffered as a result.

After completing initial military training and receiving a permanent duty assignment I re-entered college and maintained a 4.0 GPA, completing my Bachelor's of Science in one of the most rigorous programs offered and graduating as Valedictorian of my class. My military training has taught me the time management skills necessary to balance full time work with education, and enabled me to excel in both areas. I am currently pursuing a Master's Degree where I am also maintaining a 4.0 GPA. I feel my more recent academic record is representative of my abilities and demonstrates that I do have the ability to succeed in law school.

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thementor31337
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Re: Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

Postby thementor31337 » Sun Nov 20, 2011 10:00 pm

All these views and nothing to say. I'll take silence as consent.

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salsahips
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Re: Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

Postby salsahips » Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:48 am

don't take silence as consent

as for your DS, it does not say all that much. First of all, it can be longer. A 1-2 page DS is usually the best length, and if you can keep it to 1 or 1 1/2 while still telling your story and communicating your ideas then all the better. You need to flush out the Marine experience a little more. Not even so much with minute details as with how the experience adds to the diversity you can bring to law school. Did you meet a wider range of ethnicities/races/social classes/perspectives/ideas while you served? Did you learn anything unique that would be much harder to learn "on the outside"?

I think its definitely a good topic especially since you're not a URM, after all, only 1% of the country serves in the armed forces right?

hope this helps

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salsahips
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Re: Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

Postby salsahips » Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:52 am

I learned many skills that I will carry with me forever, such as the ability to motivate and lead, and the ability to adapt to and overcome any obstacle


This should probably be a paragraph all by itself. Expand on this. How did you learn those skills? You can be general or give a really quick anecdote.

Serving in the Marine Corps changed my perspective on life and has given me the confidence to take on challenges


This again should probably be a paragraph all by itself
How did your perspective change? What about it changed? How did this perspective lead to your confidence building?

Like I said before, its a good topic, and you have a very barebones start, but its headed in the right direction. But as is, it really says absolutely nothing about you.

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thementor31337
Posts: 100
Joined: Sat Oct 02, 2010 1:35 pm

Re: Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

Postby thementor31337 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:37 am

salsahips wrote:
I learned many skills that I will carry with me forever, such as the ability to motivate and lead, and the ability to adapt to and overcome any obstacle


This should probably be a paragraph all by itself. Expand on this. How did you learn those skills? You can be general or give a really quick anecdote.

Serving in the Marine Corps changed my perspective on life and has given me the confidence to take on challenges


This again should probably be a paragraph all by itself
How did your perspective change? What about it changed? How did this perspective lead to your confidence building?

Like I said before, its a good topic, and you have a very barebones start, but its headed in the right direction. But as is, it really says absolutely nothing about you.


Thank you for the feedback. A lot of the DS's I've read for URM's have been pretty short, which is the reason I kept mine short. I didn't want to run the risk of it turning into a PS. I am basing my PS on my military experience as well, but from a difference angle. Obviously, my military experience is my biggest highlight and this will probably be the one and only time I'll use it for everything it's worth. I'll definitely expand on what I have and repost.

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thementor31337
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Joined: Sat Oct 02, 2010 1:35 pm

Re: Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

Postby thementor31337 » Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:06 am

salsahips wrote:don't take silence as consent

as for your DS, it does not say all that much. First of all, it can be longer. A 1-2 page DS is usually the best length, and if you can keep it to 1 or 1 1/2 while still telling your story and communicating your ideas then all the better. You need to flush out the Marine experience a little more. Not even so much with minute details as with how the experience adds to the diversity you can bring to law school. Did you meet a wider range of ethnicities/races/social classes/perspectives/ideas while you served? Did you learn anything unique that would be much harder to learn "on the outside"?

I think its definitely a good topic especially since you're not a URM, after all, only 1% of the country serves in the armed forces right?

hope this helps


I definitely was able to meet and interact with people I would have never had the chance to normally in my prior civilian life. Dealing with officers from all different backgrounds as well as enlisted from all different races, ethnicities, social classes, etc was definitely something that was outside my realm before. Being forced to get along with people you wouldn't normally get along with or even consider hanging out with is something unique about the military. Everyone is in a shitty circumstance and everyone suffers together, even if it's someone you would have never associated with before normally. I think college kind of gives that experience, although I can only speculate since I didn't go to a traditional 4 yr, but with college if you don't get along with your roomies you have some sort of choice about leaving, moving out, etc. In the military it's tough shit, you learn to get along...lol.

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salsahips
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Re: Looking for DS/GPA Addendum Advice

Postby salsahips » Tue Nov 22, 2011 2:40 am

Honestly, that one post had more relevant information and said more about you than your original DS. Talk about that, and integrate those rich experiences.




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