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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
lawschoolapplicant33
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Postby lawschoolapplicant33 » Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:13 pm

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Last edited by lawschoolapplicant33 on Tue Dec 13, 2011 9:41 pm, edited 2 times in total.

theaether
Posts: 163
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby theaether » Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:18 pm

first part about qualifying in the tryout wasn't that interesting, the social work in 3rd world countries was a lot more so

CanadianWolf
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Nov 16, 2011 6:24 pm

Lacks depth of insight. Your activities & observations are similiar to those of any tourist or to those of any high school student. To distinguish yourself among other Berkeley applicants, a more effective personal statement essay is necessary.

P.S. While not strong enough for Berkeley regardless of your numbers, this essay should be sufficient for Utah in light of your numbers.

lawschoolapplicant33
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Postby lawschoolapplicant33 » Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:20 pm

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oregon000
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby oregon000 » Wed Nov 16, 2011 7:28 pm

"Just one day into my academic collegiate pursuits, tryouts for my athletic pursuits also began"


Read this statement out loud several times with a red pen in hand.The writing is definitely an issue, I could not make it through it.

kublaikahn
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby kublaikahn » Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:34 am

Not the deepest piece I have read. You went to college, you walked on to the soccer team, you played golf with your parents in Mexico every Christmas where you gave some groceries to poor people. Why don't you talk about the missionary experience in more detail. Or describe what playing soccer with kids that have no shoes was like?

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ScrabbleChamp
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby ScrabbleChamp » Thu Nov 17, 2011 8:06 am

Make sure you spell the school name correctly on anything you submit: Berkeley.

sunshiiine
Posts: 12
Joined: Sun Oct 30, 2011 8:59 pm

Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby sunshiiine » Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:51 pm

ScrabbleChamp wrote:Make sure you spell the school name correctly on anything you submit: Berkeley.


+1. ...I could not imagine an admissions representative taking you seriously if you repeatedly misspell the name of your dream law school.

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worldtraveler
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby worldtraveler » Mon Nov 21, 2011 7:04 am

It was pretty bad. What are you trying to accomplish from this essay? It's really poorly written, all over the place, and I really don't know what message you have.
I also think short term volunteer opportunities are incredibly common among law applicants. Either frame it in a way that makes you stand out more or just find a new topic.

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worldtraveler
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby worldtraveler » Mon Nov 21, 2011 4:49 pm

If you try and help this idiot, he will apparently reward you with a gem of a PM.

worldtraveler wrote:
It was pretty bad. What are you trying to accomplish from this essay? It's really poorly written, all over the place, and I really don't know what message you have.
I also think short term volunteer opportunities are incredibly common among law applicants. Either frame it in a way that makes you stand out more or just find a new topic.





HAHA! Fuck you, sorry you can understand 12th grade writing you ass hole. Enjoy feeling powerful by flaming message boards the rest of your life. When you get a 3.94 GPA, killer letters of recommendation, and a 161 on the LSAT without studying (will score 170+ next month) let me know ass hole.

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20130312
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Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby 20130312 » Mon Nov 21, 2011 4:52 pm

There's no theme in this at all. You say that these experiences made you a more mature person, but failed to show the reader how.

ETA: Also, the above PM is hilarious.

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ScrabbleChamp
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Joined: Wed Jun 23, 2010 8:09 am

Re: Berkley P.S.! Please Critique

Postby ScrabbleChamp » Mon Nov 21, 2011 5:21 pm

worldtraveler wrote:If you try and help this idiot, he will apparently reward you with a gem of a PM.

worldtraveler wrote:
It was pretty bad. What are you trying to accomplish from this essay? It's really poorly written, all over the place, and I really don't know what message you have.
I also think short term volunteer opportunities are incredibly common among law applicants. Either frame it in a way that makes you stand out more or just find a new topic.





HAHA! Fuck you, sorry you can understand 12th grade writing you ass hole. Enjoy feeling powerful by flaming message boards the rest of your life. When you get a 3.94 GPA, killer letters of recommendation, and a 161 on the LSAT without studying (will score 170+ next month) let me know ass hole.


Let me get this straight... someone with those stats is talking shit to a current Boaltie? Does. Not. Compute. Not to mention, OP doesn't even know how to spell Berkeley correctly... That'd be like spelling it Yail.




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