Quick 'Why Michigan' Final Critique - submitting tonight

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hyakku
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Quick 'Why Michigan' Final Critique - submitting tonight

Postby hyakku » Sat Nov 12, 2011 1:07 pm

Fin.
Last edited by hyakku on Sun Nov 13, 2011 9:48 pm, edited 15 times in total.

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euskadi
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby euskadi » Sat Nov 12, 2011 1:35 pm

While your sentiments may be heartfelt, you could remove any reference to Michigan and substitute the name of another institution. Indeed, you have some specific references (the woman who helped you, the Big House, etcetera). But these could all be switched out as well. I like the tone of the essay; I'm curious, though, as to whether adcomms will see this as being trite and lacking in specificity.

Also, no apostrophe is needed for "1Ls". Add an "s" to "student" in the first sentence of your second paragraph.

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hyakku
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby hyakku » Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:16 pm

euskadi wrote:While your sentiments may be heartfelt, you could remove any reference to Michigan and substitute the name of another institution. Indeed, you have some specific references (the woman who helped you, the Big House, etcetera). But these could all be switched out as well. I like the tone of the essay; I'm curious, though, as to whether adcomms will see this as being trite and lacking in specificity.

Also, no apostrophe is needed for "1Ls". Add an "s" to "student" in the first sentence of your second paragraph.


I was worried about the trite part, but from what I understand Why X essays are supposed to be relatively short, and they have my PS and DS to go through as well.

I don't know if I really know how I could get more specific about Mich. in regards to the social life without having stayed there or attended UG there. However, I'm not aware of any other schools in the T-14 that have places like the Arb and the Big House for students to congregate and relax (Stanford is probably closest in this regard), a heavy focus on a holistic student body (NU, Stanford or Yale), incredible loyalty (None of the other T-14 to the degree of Mich, at least in my personal opinion), etc. I'm also pretty certain U Mich is one of, if not the only T-14 that allows multiple classes to be taken outside of the LS and mandates the study of transnational law (as an IR student I especially value this), just demonstrating how well rounded they stress for the student body, and as far as I know, the Lawyer's club is something unique to Mich (a few other T-14s kind of have something similar, but not really the same in many aspects).

I guess maybe I'm bias since I really like the school and I understand what you are saying. At the same time I'm struggling to see how most of the things I listed could be switched out for another institution as I haven't found this combination in any other university, although perhaps my research has just been lacking. I appreciate the feedback, I'm going to mull over what you said. Also, if there really is another Univ. that is really like this I'd love to know as I really haven't found this type of combo anywhere else. I wonder if I should make it longer and try to get more detail oriented? At the same time, like I said, I don't want to bog my app down.

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FryBreadPower
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby FryBreadPower » Sat Nov 12, 2011 2:49 pm

hyakku wrote:
euskadi wrote:While your sentiments may be heartfelt, you could remove any reference to Michigan and substitute the name of another institution. Indeed, you have some specific references (the woman who helped you, the Big House, etcetera). But these could all be switched out as well. I like the tone of the essay; I'm curious, though, as to whether adcomms will see this as being trite and lacking in specificity.

Also, no apostrophe is needed for "1Ls". Add an "s" to "student" in the first sentence of your second paragraph.


I was worried about the trite part, but from what I understand Why X essays are supposed to be relatively short, and they have my PS and DS to go through as well.

I don't know if I really know how I could get more specific about Mich. in regards to the social life without having stayed there or attended UG there. However, I'm not aware of any other schools in the T-14 that have places like the Arb and the Big House for students to congregate and relax (Stanford is probably closest in this regard), a heavy focus on a holistic student body (NU, Stanford or Yale), incredible loyalty (None of the other T-14 to the degree of Mich, at least in my personal opinion), etc. I'm also pretty certain U Mich is one of, if not the only T-14 that allows multiple classes to be taken outside of the LS and mandates the study of transnational law (as an IR student I especially value this), just demonstrating how well rounded they stress for the student body, and as far as I know, the Lawyer's club is something unique to Mich (a few other T-14s kind of have something similar, but not really the same in many aspects).

I guess maybe I'm bias since I really like the school and I understand what you are saying. At the same time I'm struggling to see how most of the things I listed could be switched out for another institution as I haven't found this combination in any other university, although perhaps my research has just been lacking. I appreciate the feedback, I'm going to mull over what you said. Also, if there really is another Univ. that is really like this I'd love to know as I really haven't found this type of combo anywhere else. I wonder if I should make it longer and try to get more detail oriented? At the same time, like I said, I don't want to bog my app down.


UPenn comes to mind.

But, the problem is I can make similar claims about other schools (student body, professors, the "vibe", etc.). At the end of the day, these are still somewhat generic opinions. Your reference to the woman could honestly describe any woman in any admission office. Maybe slip a reference to a particular clinic or program (by name) that clearly distinguishes Michigan from other institutions.

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hyakku
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby hyakku » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:02 pm

FryBreadPower wrote:
hyakku wrote:
euskadi wrote:While your sentiments may be heartfelt, you could remove any reference to Michigan and substitute the name of another institution. Indeed, you have some specific references (the woman who helped you, the Big House, etcetera). But these could all be switched out as well. I like the tone of the essay; I'm curious, though, as to whether adcomms will see this as being trite and lacking in specificity.

Also, no apostrophe is needed for "1Ls". Add an "s" to "student" in the first sentence of your second paragraph.


I was worried about the trite part, but from what I understand Why X essays are supposed to be relatively short, and they have my PS and DS to go through as well.

I don't know if I really know how I could get more specific about Mich. in regards to the social life without having stayed there or attended UG there. However, I'm not aware of any other schools in the T-14 that have places like the Arb and the Big House for students to congregate and relax (Stanford is probably closest in this regard), a heavy focus on a holistic student body (NU, Stanford or Yale), incredible loyalty (None of the other T-14 to the degree of Mich, at least in my personal opinion), etc. I'm also pretty certain U Mich is one of, if not the only T-14 that allows multiple classes to be taken outside of the LS and mandates the study of transnational law (as an IR student I especially value this), just demonstrating how well rounded they stress for the student body, and as far as I know, the Lawyer's club is something unique to Mich (a few other T-14s kind of have something similar, but not really the same in many aspects).

I guess maybe I'm bias since I really like the school and I understand what you are saying. At the same time I'm struggling to see how most of the things I listed could be switched out for another institution as I haven't found this combination in any other university, although perhaps my research has just been lacking. I appreciate the feedback, I'm going to mull over what you said. Also, if there really is another Univ. that is really like this I'd love to know as I really haven't found this type of combo anywhere else. I wonder if I should make it longer and try to get more detail oriented? At the same time, like I said, I don't want to bog my app down.


UPenn comes to mind.

But, the problem is I can make similar claims about other schools (student body, professors, the "vibe", etc.). At the end of the day, these are still somewhat generic opinions. Your reference to the woman could honestly describe any woman in any admission office. Maybe slip a reference to a particular clinic or program (by name) that clearly distinguishes Michigan from other institutions.


Wow, I really didn't know that. Thank you for informing me, Penn really just became significantly more attractive despite being in Penn (gotta throw that shot out being from NJ/NYC :p).

I see what you all mean now, if I'm understanding right, what you all are saying is that the vibe at any school will appeal to certain people correct? Let me ask, since I did the theme of valuing the community based tradition as well as their academics, would mentioning a specific program in this manner be equally efficacious? The only reason I ask is because to be honest, I haven't chosen a specific program (I'm currently trying to decide between two paths by grabbing this internship out here) so I don't really know how well I could speak about wanting to go to a school for an academic program that may not be what I eventually go for.

I really appreciate the help from both of you, thanks for strengthening this.

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euskadi
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby euskadi » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:09 pm

hyakku wrote:
euskadi wrote:While your sentiments may be heartfelt, you could remove any reference to Michigan and substitute the name of another institution. Indeed, you have some specific references (the woman who helped you, the Big House, etcetera). But these could all be switched out as well. I like the tone of the essay; I'm curious, though, as to whether adcomms will see this as being trite and lacking in specificity.

Also, no apostrophe is needed for "1Ls". Add an "s" to "student" in the first sentence of your second paragraph.


I was worried about the trite part, but from what I understand Why X essays are supposed to be relatively short, and they have my PS and DS to go through as well.

I don't know if I really know how I could get more specific about Mich. in regards to the social life without having stayed there or attended UG there. However, I'm not aware of any other schools in the T-14 that have places like the Arb and the Big House for students to congregate and relax (Stanford is probably closest in this regard), a heavy focus on a holistic student body (NU, Stanford or Yale), incredible loyalty (None of the other T-14 to the degree of Mich, at least in my personal opinion), etc. I'm also pretty certain U Mich is one of, if not the only T-14 that allows multiple classes to be taken outside of the LS and mandates the study of transnational law (as an IR student I especially value this), just demonstrating how well rounded they stress for the student body, and as far as I know, the Lawyer's club is something unique to Mich (a few other T-14s kind of have something similar, but not really the same in many aspects).

I guess maybe I'm bias since I really like the school and I understand what you are saying. At the same time I'm struggling to see how most of the things I listed could be switched out for another institution as I haven't found this combination in any other university, although perhaps my research has just been lacking. I appreciate the feedback, I'm going to mull over what you said. Also, if there really is another Univ. that is really like this I'd love to know as I really haven't found this type of combo anywhere else. I wonder if I should make it longer and try to get more detail oriented? At the same time, like I said, I don't want to bog my app down.


I don't mean to say that your comments aren't legitimate when applied to Michigan. I simply wanted to underline that a cynical adcomm could be led to believe that you feel this way about other schools as well, and, in writing your Why Michigan? essay, you more or less recycled the one you write for Virginia, for example.

You clearly understand why you want to go to Michigan, and I think that message came across better (and in a more genuine way) in your response to my comments. It is true, though, that the nature of the "Why" essays makes them feel necessarily insincere. With only so many words on a page, it's easy for genuineness to be misinterpreted.

Finally, I'm assuming you know that the Lawyers Club is going to be closed next year? I suppose this still leaves two more years, but my gut instinct would be that most 2 and 3Ls don't live there. I haven't looked into this at all, so I recognize my fallibility here.

Just noticed your response after having written this - I think being a bit more specific will definitely help you. The adcomms aren't going to restrict your academic program to that which you write about in your essay. If you're willing to do a bit of research regarding a specific program, I think it would be to your benefit to include your (potential) interest in it.
Last edited by euskadi on Sat Nov 12, 2011 5:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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MachineLemon
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby MachineLemon » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:12 pm

hyakku wrote:Seminal professors, amazing job placement and a wealth of classes to take advantage of are certainly top reasons I crave attending the University of Michigan, but I feel that these are aspects that are mutually shared by Michigan’s academic peers.

The first thing that caught my eye was the word "crave." When think of craving I think of food, sex, drugs, etc... but not law schools.

I also think of this: (1:20 if you're impatient)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnqBAuehmhM

I would pick a different word.

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Dany
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby Dany » Sat Nov 12, 2011 3:16 pm

other law school's alumni --> other law schools' alumni
Lawyer's Club --> Lawyers Club
in regards to --> in regard to

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hyakku
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby hyakku » Sat Nov 12, 2011 5:04 pm

Edit 3: Updated original post with revision and mention of an externship program I think ties in well with my interests and app.

Wow thanks all, lol didn't expect so much help on a Saturday. I especially appreciate the grammatical fixes, I type on a computer and on IOS and sometimes the formatting doesn't get caught switching between them.

Thank you for the insights euskadi, and yes I was aware the LC is being closed, but when I initially heard about the idea I really liked seeing how Mich was going out of there way to keep trying to bring out spirit regardless of it not being UG or the "main" campus. I'll keep what you said in mind and work on that, much obliged.

Edit: LOL tyler, that was awesome

Edit 2: WOW, euskadi, I'm glad I took your advice. While I knew Mich offered study abroad opportunities for LS, one of their programs is to the graduate institute I worked at over the summer in Geneva, and they also offer externship opportunities back in some UN and IGO offices closely associated with where I got to work in, which is a focus of my PS. While I'm unsure of whether I would be willing to study abroad (I'd love to go back and work, but unsure how this would effect employment opportunities) / extern (is that even a word?), this is definitely something that I'm interested in and I think would really tie in well with the rest of my application. My only problem is, I'm not sure how "unique" this is to Michigan, although I can't imagine all of the T-14 having programs to this school as it's a relatively small place and apparently highly competitive internationally.

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hyakku
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Final Critique - submitting tonight

Postby hyakku » Sun Nov 13, 2011 12:18 pm

Final bump, think I'm gonna submit this one after another grammatical checkup by someone tonight. I'm actually really glad euskadi told me about that, this externship is actually something I'm gonna be looking into, thanks man.

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euskadi
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Critique Before I submit?

Postby euskadi » Sun Nov 13, 2011 12:46 pm

hyakku wrote:Edit 3: Updated original post with revision and mention of an externship program I think ties in well with my interests and app.

Wow thanks all, lol didn't expect so much help on a Saturday. I especially appreciate the grammatical fixes, I type on a computer and on IOS and sometimes the formatting doesn't get caught switching between them.

Thank you for the insights euskadi, and yes I was aware the LC is being closed, but when I initially heard about the idea I really liked seeing how Mich was going out of there way to keep trying to bring out spirit regardless of it not being UG or the "main" campus. I'll keep what you said in mind and work on that, much obliged.

Edit: LOL tyler, that was awesome

Edit 2: WOW, euskadi, I'm glad I took your advice. While I knew Mich offered study abroad opportunities for LS, one of their programs is to the graduate institute I worked at over the summer in Geneva, and they also offer externship opportunities back in some UN and IGO offices closely associated with where I got to work in, which is a focus of my PS. While I'm unsure of whether I would be willing to study abroad (I'd love to go back and work, but unsure how this would effect employment opportunities) / extern (is that even a word?), this is definitely something that I'm interested in and I think would really tie in well with the rest of my application. My only problem is, I'm not sure how "unique" this is to Michigan, although I can't imagine all of the T-14 having programs to this school as it's a relatively small place and apparently highly competitive internationally.


I'm glad to have helped! I took this approach in my "Why" essays. Though I've yet to see if it has paid off, the specificity and focus of highlighting a particular program that coheres with your background not only shows that you've done a bit of research; it makes clear that you have an understanding of the way your past relates to your future at that law school.

I haven't got much time right now, but I looked through the essay and found it to be improved. There are some things I would change grammatically (the use of "exploit", for example, which typically tends to have a slightly negative connotation - some run-on sentences). But since you say you'll have someone give it a look over before you submit, I think you ought to have a "Why Michigan?" that could help you.

How are your numbers? Do they suggest that you have a good shot at Michigan or are you partially relying on this essay to give you that extra push?

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hyakku
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Re: Quick 'Why Michigan' Final Critique - submitting tonight

Postby hyakku » Sun Nov 13, 2011 5:06 pm

Fin.




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