My goal is simple; I want to inspire others and be inspired by others, and through my contributions, become a part of something great.
Too hokey? or does it flow ok? I was trying to replace "something great" but I can't think of anything right now. This is in my PS conclusion, towards the end. Opinions/Advice?
I'll let you decide if it's a bit too platitudinous. We can't really make that call without seeing how it fits within the confines of the rest of your PS. As for the flow of the sentence, I think it's a bit choppy. I would change the second clause by removing the first "others" so that it reads "I want to inspire and be inspired by others". I think that flows much more nicely. Also, the two commas at the end of the sentence are both questionable. I definitely wouldn't have both of them in there. It just makes it a bit choppy. Maybe there is a way you could rewrite the last two clauses ("and through my contributions, become a part of something great") so that they don't need to be separated by a comma?