First draft PS, please critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
goatidjit
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2011 3:44 pm

First draft PS, please critique

Postby goatidjit » Tue Nov 08, 2011 1:51 am

Removed. People were reading it, but not much feedback was given.
Last edited by goatidjit on Wed Nov 09, 2011 1:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

caminante
Posts: 208
Joined: Thu Jun 16, 2011 12:59 pm

Re: First draft PS, please critique

Postby caminante » Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:04 pm

This essay is well written and left me with a good impression about your character. You are clearly a self-starter, persuasive, and see projects that you start through until the end. These are great traits.

However, I worry that you are using the personal statement to go into great detail about something that could be effectively summarized in one or two lines on your resume.

I don't know if this essay shows much about "who you are" that the adcoms wouldn't already see on your resume. Then again, I don't think it is a bad essay. It may be more well-received from schools that have a reputation of highly valuing work experience (NU), especially if you are applying straight from under-grad.

I would be interested to see what others have to say about this essay.

(FYI this would be a great example to use in a cover letter if you decide to apply for jobs before law school.)

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: First draft PS, please critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:25 pm

My first thought was where were the RAs ? My second thought was that they may have been on the chairs thrown off of the balcony. This is why most universities have separate dorms for athletes.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: First draft PS, please critique

Postby CanadianWolf » Tue Nov 08, 2011 2:28 pm

The first two paragraphs of your personal statement essay are well written & interesting. The rest is less interesting & insignificant. Why not just make sure that an RA is always on duty and/or available ? (I assume that the drunken athletes were not RAs.)

My overall impression of your essay is that you couldn't think of anything else to write about--and that might raise concerns.

goatidjit
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Oct 03, 2011 3:44 pm

Re: First draft PS, please critique

Postby goatidjit » Tue Nov 08, 2011 7:10 pm

All of the RAs were drunk even though there is supposed to be one always on call.

Unfortunately, what you said about not having much else to write about is true. I haven't really had too many impactful experiences in my life that I could write about, since a lot of my most meaningful experiences are religious in nature and I couldn't find an appropriate way to write about them.




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