DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Diiizzzzoooo
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DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

Postby Diiizzzzoooo » Sat Nov 05, 2011 1:53 pm

I never heard the gunshots. I was standing right next to him, but when I think back to the moment my friend was killed, my memory escapes me in between his laughing after saying something funny, and the screams that rang out across the neighborhood. He was thirteen. His death shattered the hearts of his friends and family, but for the crime stricken community of ***** as a whole, it was barely considered news, serving only to add to the rising homicide total.

Losing my friend to drug related violence was not something my 14 year old mind was capable of understanding. In my neighborhood, there were no counselors or therapists available to help a young man process an event like that, and the role models we did have served only to encourage the idea of taking justice in our own hands, reminding us that heroes did not exist where we came from. One thing I always knew was that it was unfair; he was a good kid who did not deserve his fate.

I have watched many of my friends since, good kids with good hearts, become overwhelmed by their stark realities of their grim environment. They were driven to violence attempting to survive within a drug ravaged community where the police are both helpless and hopeless. They were forgotten by the schools that lack the resources and manpower to assist troubled students. They were swallowed by the legal system that failed them, at the mercy of overworked and underpaid public defenders who struggle to remember their first names.

These are the realities of my youth and my home. I intend to do everything within my power to provide justice for the families living in these conditions on a daily basis. During law school, I plan on sharing my experiences in the classroom with students and faculty alike, so that they may gain a better understanding of those environments, and potentially join me in working within the private and public sectors of those communities to offer our services to those who need it the most.

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JamMasterJ
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Re: DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

Postby JamMasterJ » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:22 pm

please spell check, then come back.

bdubs
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Re: DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

Postby bdubs » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:25 pm

Not enough about you, too much about the environment you grew up in.

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Diiizzzzoooo
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Re: DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

Postby Diiizzzzoooo » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:27 pm

JamMasterJ wrote:please spell check, then come back.



I was kidding. This is a rough draft, which can be inferred from the phrase, "hot from the oven". Jesus.

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Diiizzzzoooo
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Re: DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

Postby Diiizzzzoooo » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:28 pm

bdubs wrote:Not enough about you, too much about the environment you grew up in.



It's a diversity statement. The description of the environment I grew up in serves as a glimpse into what makes me who I am.

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ilovesf
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Re: DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

Postby ilovesf » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:30 pm

I think you have a good basis for a DS here. I think you need to discuss more how these events have shaped you into who you are today. Your transition at the end to how you want to help people is a little too abrupt and brief. How did you take yourself out of that environment? Why did you turn out the way you did? It needs to be a little more personalized.

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Diiizzzzoooo
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Re: DS hot from the oven. I haven't even spell checked it son!

Postby Diiizzzzoooo » Sat Nov 05, 2011 2:33 pm

ilovesf wrote:I think you have a good basis for a DS here. I think you need to discuss more how these events have shaped you into who you are today. Your transition at the end to how you want to help people is a little too abrupt and brief. How did you take yourself out of that environment? Why did you turn out the way you did? It needs to be a little more personalized.



I hear ya, and I thought the same thing, but my understanding is that the conventional wisdom is to keep a DS at a page. I struggled to just keep this within that restriction. I don't know if it helps, but my personal statement is purposefully written as the story behind the questions you asked here.




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