Critique my brief "significant non-employment" addendum?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
LOLaw
Posts: 5
Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2011 1:10 pm

Critique my brief "significant non-employment" addendum?

Postby LOLaw » Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:38 pm

Looking for some advice/critiques concerning my addendum. I have heard an addendum should be short, sweet, and to the point so that's what I went for. I worry though that it makes me look a bit naive and makes it look like I could flake out on law school.

In addition, I know this type of addendum is not common so I think the circumstances are important to mention: I started college at 17 credits a semester (since I double majored) but eventually dropped to 14 and even 12 credits, took two semesters at community college mid-college, and took five-and-a-half years to graduate all for the reason described below. Looking at my transcripts it all looks pretty messy and confusing and I do not want any of that to reflect poorly upon me when I had a legitimate reason.

Feel free to message me or responds here with comments. Thanks!


Significant Non-Employment Activity Addendum

Although the past five years of my life have been largely centered upon my education and my business, there is one important focus that I believe an application alone cannot do justice. In May 2005, my mother gave birth to Giavonna - my first sister from her new marriage to my stepfather. Our family continued to grow even larger with the births of Sophia and Isabella (twins, in 2008) and Max (in 2009). As my mother and stepfather are both busy professionals (a nurse practitioner and cardiologist respectively), and as the responsibility of caring for my siblings has been a great one, our family has adapted through collaboration and shared responsibility.

Our family's sudden need for childcare in 2008 necessitated a change in my busy schedule. I adjusted my class schedule to allow me more time at home to help my mother and stepfather and to spend time with my siblings. I decreased my credit load from 17 credits during Spring 2008 to 14 credits during Fall 2008; in later semesters I reduced my credit load even further. During Fall 2010 and Fall 2011, I temporarily transferred to my local community college so that I could like at home and thereby be more available to my family. As I was determined to complete a double major the circumstances eventually necessitated an extra year-and-a-half of classes. Hence, I have dedicated myself to five-and-a-half years of undergraduate education.

Spending so much time with my young siblings and family has imparted new wisdom upon me. I have come to value cooperation, as a family or neighborhood cooperates to raise a child. The greatest successes our family has experienced have been the result of collective effort, whether it be as simple as keeping a clean home or as complex as nurturing four infants into caring and considerate children. Through these experiences I have come to seek an educational environment that rewards teamwork and reciprocity. My siblings now reaching school-age and my mother now a full-time mother, I apply to XXXX Law School eager to embrace the close-knit and cooperative atmosphere fostered by the school's small class sizes, accessible faculty, and focus upon community involvement and pro bono practice.

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Kess
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Joined: Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:26 pm

Re: Critique my brief "significant non-employment" addendum?

Postby Kess » Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:52 pm

How did this impact your GPA? If you GPA is decent, I wouldn't include an addendum at all. 12 credits is still a full time student.

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luxxe
Posts: 830
Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:12 am

Re: Critique my brief "significant non-employment" addendum?

Postby luxxe » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:02 pm

Kess wrote:How did this impact your GPA? If you GPA is decent, I wouldn't include an addendum at all. 12 credits is still a full time student.


And a lot of people take 5 years to finish. I wouldn't draw attention unless your GPA is low.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Critique my brief "significant non-employment" addendum?

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:06 pm

Why do you need this babysitting addendum ?

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Lawquacious
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Joined: Fri Oct 23, 2009 10:36 am

Re: Critique my brief "significant non-employment" addendum?

Postby Lawquacious » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:14 pm

I don't think there is a need to send this. ALTHOUGH, with certain schools it may be able to help you if they have an 'overcome adversity' type optional statement.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Critique my brief "significant non-employment" addendum?

Postby CanadianWolf » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:17 pm

How does babysitting for your rich relatives while attending college qualify as "overcoming adversity" ?




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