ANOTHER TOPIC. PLEASE READ. CRITIQUE. DESTROY.

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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pugilistjd
Posts: 159
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 6:28 am

ANOTHER TOPIC. PLEASE READ. CRITIQUE. DESTROY.

Postby pugilistjd » Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:40 pm

Taken down for editing.
Last edited by pugilistjd on Sat Nov 05, 2011 5:19 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Bildungsroman
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Joined: Sun Apr 11, 2010 2:42 pm

Re: ANOTHER TOPIC. PLEASE READ. CRITIQUE. DESTROY.

Postby Bildungsroman » Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:48 pm

As a premise for a personal statement, "I love to argue" is about the worst you could do. But I liked the first half of the statement; find a way to tie it together with a later story (which you didn't really do well in this version) to prove some point or demonstrate some characteristics. If it's your ability to overcome adversity and how your childhood inspired your later life, talk about having to work full-time at night shifts as a student and how you used the lessons from your childhood to persevere, or how your adult experience made you realize some lesson from your childhood. I think the transition to "I love argumentation" was a non-sequitur, which is good because you can take that out and try to build a different theme. This attempt is loads better than your previous attempts.

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pugilistjd
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Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 6:28 am

Re: ANOTHER TOPIC. PLEASE READ. CRITIQUE. DESTROY.

Postby pugilistjd » Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:07 pm

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