One more edit on my PS. Please help

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Scubasteve1315
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:16 pm

One more edit on my PS. Please help

Postby Scubasteve1315 » Mon Oct 31, 2011 11:16 pm

draft
Last edited by Scubasteve1315 on Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Scubasteve1315
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:16 pm

Re: One more edit on my PS. Please help

Postby Scubasteve1315 » Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:58 pm

Would someone please be willing to give me feedback on this piece please? I just want to know whether I have the right idea.

I am willing to swap with someone and return the favor.

Thanks!

SoltiBichon
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:48 pm

Re: One more edit on my PS. Please help

Postby SoltiBichon » Tue Nov 01, 2011 4:32 pm

There are a bunch of incorrect comma usages in your essay. Also, the topic seems strange. You're describing how teaching was such a wonderful experience essay, so you're applying to law school. There's a jump in there in logic that is difficult to follow. It also seems disjointed, as if there's not really a centralized point.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but that's my two cents. Would be happy to offer my opinion if you have more specific questions about the essay, good luck!

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Strange
Posts: 741
Joined: Tue Mar 08, 2011 5:23 am

Re: One more edit on my PS. Please help

Postby Strange » Tue Nov 01, 2011 4:43 pm

Content has potential, but writing style needs a lot of work. Does not flow nicely. You will have to work hard on this one.

Scubasteve1315
Posts: 18
Joined: Fri Oct 28, 2011 3:16 pm

Re: One more edit on my PS. Please help

Postby Scubasteve1315 » Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:26 pm

Thanks guys, I will go back to work on it. What about focusing more on the juggling act of full-time work and full-time school? Add a family into the mix, and I think I can show much about my determination and ability to do well with a slightly difficult situation?

I think I will re-write the majority of this.

Again, thanks.

SoltiBichon
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Apr 13, 2011 12:48 pm

Re: One more edit on my PS. Please help

Postby SoltiBichon » Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:35 pm

Yeah, no problem. I would try to think about what makes me stand out from other applicants, and write an essay focused on that. A lot of people work and go to school. You can make it work, but you need to write it really well. There's an article on TLS that helped me a bit in forming my ideas, if you haven't seen it already: http://www.top-law-schools.com/statement.html




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