Personal Statement Critique?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
SUCO
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:06 pm

Personal Statement Critique?

Postby SUCO » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:25 pm

Thanks
Last edited by SUCO on Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Personal Statement Critique?

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:30 pm

DELETE: The entire final paragraph. No need to replace it.

SUCO
Posts: 62
Joined: Fri Mar 25, 2011 6:06 pm

Re: Personal Statement Critique?

Postby SUCO » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:33 pm

Will do. Does the rest look alright? Hopefully I've improved over my first PS, which you were nice enough to take a look at a few weeks ago as well.

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Bgard008
Posts: 44
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2011 11:07 pm

Re: Personal Statement Critique?

Postby Bgard008 » Wed Oct 26, 2011 4:45 pm

Hey,

I too ran Track in HS and College so I was excited to read this. :) Most of your thoughts in this essay can be shortened w/o loosing what you are trying to convey. You have ALOT of run-ons. Loose some of the comas and replace them with periods.

The first paragraph has great potential. Tie your determination to win into why you have decided to attend Law School. I didn't get the relation between track and law school.

After reading, I thought of it as two different essays. One about Track and another about motovation, in general.

Good Luck.




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