Trouble with Conclusion! Please Help!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

Posts: 50
Joined: Tue May 03, 2011 12:03 am

Trouble with Conclusion! Please Help!

Postby rishabhagny » Mon Oct 24, 2011 2:46 pm

Here is a second draft of my PS. I am having a lot of trouble on how to phrase the conclusion; I have to "endings"; the two options are different colors (blue and purple). Thanks for taking a look.

Also, do when uploading personal statements, do law schools prefer .pdf or .doc?

After eleven hours of sitting in a small, cramped seat and breathing recycled air, I peered out the window, and to my relief, finally saw the runway. My relief was soon replaced with sympathy as it became apparent that the runway was encompassed by a sizable slum. As the Boeing 747 came in for landing the force of the turbines rocked the small shacks and shanties sending bits and pieces into the air. It was my seventh visit to the beautiful country of India and it was the first time that I had ever seen the extent of poverty.

My family was able to travel to India every few years to visit family and friends. As my family drove through the streets of Bombay heading towards our rural destination, the scale of the poverty stricken became exceedingly apparent. Young children would approach cars in the streets begging for food or would peddle small, cheap wares. The begging and the peddling made me uncomfortable; I did not know how to deal with such behavior, after all, none of these types of situations ever occurred in United States. My family spent that evening at my grandmothers flat in the countryside; it was here that I experienced something that would impact my decision making and outlook and would become an influential factor in attending law school.

The apartment my grandmother lived in was fairly new by Indian standards; but by U.S. standards, it was an unlivable home. Water, as an important resource, was scarce and hard to come by, especially in my grandmothers apartment. If water was to arrive that day, it was a good day - showers could be had and food could be cooked. More often than not, however, water did not regularly come by my grandmothers apartment. So, I asked my grandmother why her water supply was so unreliable and what she said evoked a powerful change inside of me. My grandmother said that she had repeatedly asked the supervisors to ensure that the water supply to her flat remains stable. The supervisors, knowing that an elderly woman cannot cause a problem for them, shrugged the problem off, simply saying that “they cannot do anything about it.” What this experience, along with witnessing the increased prevalence of slums around the airport caused was a realization that there are an abundance of people that do not have the means to achieve what they want and, further, do not have the knowledge to do so. As a first-generation American born to Indian parents, it become clearer than it had before, I am in an extremely unique position to be able to achieve something that so many others do not have the opportunity to do.

As I returned to college with my realization, I explored means by which I can tackle the issue that there are many people out there without adequate means of expressing themselves. The following summer I applied for an internship available at the university “Student Legal Services” office where students could come in and have a free consultation with an attorney. I was excited when I got the phone call informing me that I had gotten the internship, it was an opportunity for me to see a “real attorney in action”, or so I thought. Within minutes of my first day at the internship a young woman came in crying hysterically. As an intern it was my job to take down the clients’ information and take a statement, while also informing them that I am not an attorney and cannot give them advice (many would come in thinking that the interns were attorneys and would immediately tell us sensitive facts!). Sobbing between sentences she explained her predicament: her boyfriend had just assaulted and threatened her, but she did not want to press charges. I took down her statement and informed her that the attorney would address her situation as promptly as possible. However, after I left work that day I could not help but reflect on the scene I had witnessed. Not unlike my grandmother, this young woman was unable to address her incipient issue due to a lack of knowledge. Moreover, it became clear to me that attorneys are advocates for those that have real dilemmas for which they do not have the knowledge to solve on their own.

I am in an extremely unique position position to be able to achieve something that many others, unfortunately, do not have the opportunity to do; I can achieve the knowledge to help others solve their problems. I am confident in my drive to accomplish my goal of becoming an advocate for those that need help; the drive has all been made exceedingly real through my experience in India coupled with the situations I encountered at my internship. In my desire to become a successful attorney with strong problem solving skills, I believe that the strong XYZ program at YYY University will be a critical asset. Further, the _______ and _______ of YYY University are key determining factors in my desire to attend. I believe that the strong XYZ program at YYY university law school will be a critical asset in becoming a successful attorney as well as an excellent problem solver.

Return to “Law School Personal Statements?

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.