PS in need of repair

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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PS in need of repair

Postby TofferStrom » Mon Oct 24, 2011 5:54 am

Thanks for the help everybody. Thanks especially to rinkrat for all the constructive criticism.
Last edited by TofferStrom on Tue Oct 25, 2011 3:44 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: PS in need of repair

Postby 174 » Mon Oct 24, 2011 6:07 am

TofferStrom wrote:exploring the nut-hard corrals

I came. Absolutely include this line in your revised personal statement. Aside from that, I would suggest going with something more conventional. (For example: If you want to be all creative and shit, law school isn't for you.

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Re: PS in need of repair

Postby thederangedwang » Mon Oct 24, 2011 11:59 am

stop trying to sound smart, deep, philosophical, or abstract and start sounding normal.

This is nowhere close to being a decent ps imho.

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Re: PS in need of repair

Postby rinkrat19 » Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:05 pm

This is so incredibly pretentious it made my eyes bleed.

A metaphor loses its effectiveness when you fashion it into a hammer and beat the reader over the head with it. I hated your Ocean of Esoteric after the first paragraph and was hoping you'd (metaphorically) drown in it and stop writing.

Take a creative writing class and get it out of your system. Then take a business or technical writing class and learn how to write clearly.

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Re: PS in need of repair

Postby 2xHarvard » Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:17 pm

That was a beautiful essay!!

Suggest tweaking the 2d-to-last line because "Sympathy Avenue and Problem-solver Place" is a little goofy...reminiscent of Sesame Street?

Overall - I at least have a sense of who you are. You might want to read some other essays in various collections. Stay true to your own insights and don't ape others.

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Re: PS in need of repair

Postby CanadianWolf » Mon Oct 24, 2011 12:32 pm

Agree that you should delete : "...on the corner of Sympathy Avenue and Problem-solver Place."

The primary concern is whether or not you want to use the one opportunity that law school applications allow to reveal more about yourself in this manner.

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