My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
janettemcknight
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My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby janettemcknight » Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:04 pm

I remember it like yesterday, the year 1993, the movie, The Firm, starring Tom Cruise, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Gene Hackman. Tom had just graduated from law school and firms were coming from everywhere to have him sign with them. Tom lived in a trailer park, had a convict for a brother, and saw the glass half full. We had so much in common. I was so inspired by the business: six figures, new car, and a new house! Was it John Grisham’s words in the book, Sydney Pollack’s adaptation of the book that made it surreal, or Tom Cruise’s dark hair and mysterious eyes? I don’t know, but that’s what I wanted to do! I wanted to command those kinds of incentives! I began to prepare myself for my career in law.
Why a Law degree? I am thirsty for the knowledge and understanding of why things are the way they are in the United States as far as the law is concerned. What law makes our world operate the way it does? Why did this happen when that happened in our country compared to other countries. I wanted to know. I had a tag on my car that said “Future JD.” It was pink with white writing. I was so focused on becoming a lawyer like Tom Cruise.
What happened along the way to make me lose sight of what I wanted? Life happened. I went off to college with high ambitions for my future; I fell in love with the “right” man, had a baby boy, and had to get a job to take care of him. I had every intention of going back to school but reality kicked in. It was harder than I had ever anticipated. I attempted a few times but failed along the way. I started making good money on my job and became content when I married “Mr. Right Now”. Mr. Right Now was well-established and his career was flourishing. Although I was very supportive of him, I started to resent him. Another baby later, my dreams of finishing school were laid to rest as my children stood out in soccer, basketball, and the marching band.
As I was picking the kids up from daycare, I saw a kid that I use to babysit. She ran up to me and gave me a big hug with tears in her eyes as she thanked me. I was a little taken aback by the tears until she explained. She told me that she was now twenty-two and would be entering law school Fall of 2011. She went on to say that I was the reason that she wanted to be a lawyer. I made her watch The Firm with me, and she still watches it from time to time to stay motivated. That night, I was flipping through the channels and of all movies, The Firm was on. I cried almost the entire time watching it being overly dramatic, of course. As it ended, I felt inspired to get my groove back and go to law school because I convinced a child to be a lawyer and Tom Cruise had once again inspired me. Or was it John Grisham’s words in the book, or Sydney Pollack’s adaptation of the book that made it surreal? Either way, if I could convince her that law was her calling, I could sway jurors for a verdict in my favor.
I truly understand that I may not end up like Tom Cruise with six figures. I truly understand that I may not persuade every juror to see things in my favor as I did with the kid I babysat. I panicked when it was time to take my LSAT in October because it was like “Do or Die”. I was sweating in a cold room, and I couldn’t think straight. It was like all of my future adulthood was based on this test, and I went blank. I drifted off and began to think “what in the hell was I thinking going back to school at my age?” This feeling reminded me of the scene in the movie when he was meeting with the clients, The Moralto Family. He went to the meeting with a goal, and my goal was to get into law school. Suddenly, I began to focus on what was in front of me and not the outcome of it. My dreams just may become a reality. I don’t have any regrets as far as the events that took place in my life, but I would regret not trying to attend law school.

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Ruxin1
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive critism

Postby Ruxin1 » Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:06 pm

janettemcknight wrote:I remember it like yesterday, the year 1993, the movie, The Firm, starring Tom Cruise, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Gene Hackman. Tom had just graduated from law school and firms were coming from everywhere to have him sign with them. Tom lived in a trailer park, had a convict for a brother, and saw the glass half full. We had so much in common. I was so inspired by the business: six figures, new car, and a new house! Was it John Grisham’s words in the book, Sydney Pollack’s adaptation of the book that made it surreal, or Tom Cruise’s dark hair and mysterious eyes? I don’t know, but that’s what I wanted to do! I wanted to command those kinds of incentives! I began to prepare myself for my career in law.
Why a Law degree? I am thirsty for the knowledge and understanding of why things are the way they are in the United States as far as the law is concerned. What law makes our world operate the way it does? Why did this happen when that happened in our country compared to other countries. I wanted to know. I had a tag on my car that said “Future JD.” It was pink with white writing. I was so focused on becoming a lawyer like Tom Cruise.
What happened along the way to make me lose sight of what I wanted? Life happened. I went off to college with high ambitions for my future; I fell in love with the “right” man, had a baby boy, and had to get a job to take care of him. I had every intention of going back to school but reality kicked in. It was harder than I had ever anticipated. I attempted a few times but failed along the way. I started making good money on my job and became content when I married “Mr. Right Now”. Mr. Right Now was well-established and his career was flourishing. Although I was very supportive of him, I started to resent him. Another baby later, my dreams of finishing school were laid to rest as my children stood out in soccer, basketball, and the marching band.
As I was picking the kids up from daycare, I saw a kid that I use to babysit. She ran up to me and gave me a big hug with tears in her eyes as she thanked me. I was a little taken aback by the tears until she explained. She told me that she was now twenty-two and would be entering law school Fall of 2011. She went on to say that I was the reason that she wanted to be a lawyer. I made her watch The Firm with me, and she still watches it from time to time to stay motivated. That night, I was flipping through the channels and of all movies, The Firm was on. I cried almost the entire time watching it being overly dramatic, of course. As it ended, I felt inspired to get my groove back and go to law school because I convinced a child to be a lawyer and Tom Cruise had once again inspired me. Or was it John Grisham’s words in the book, or Sydney Pollack’s adaptation of the book that made it surreal? Either way, if I could convince her that law was her calling, I could sway jurors for a verdict in my favor.
I truly understand that I may not end up like Tom Cruise with six figures. I truly understand that I may not persuade every juror to see things in my favor as I did with the kid I babysat. I panicked when it was time to take my LSAT in October because it was like “Do or Die”. I was sweating in a cold room, and I couldn’t think straight. It was like all of my future adulthood was based on this test, and I went blank. I drifted off and began to think “what in the hell was I thinking going back to school at my age?” This feeling reminded me of the scene in the movie when he was meeting with the clients, The Moralto Family. He went to the meeting with a goal, and my goal was to get into law school. Suddenly, I began to focus on what was in front of me and not the outcome of it. My dreams just may become a reality. I don’t have any regrets as far as the events that took place in my life, but I would regret not trying to attend law school.


I hope this is a flame

janettemcknight
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:12 am

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby janettemcknight » Thu Oct 20, 2011 2:07 pm

flame?

janettemcknight
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:12 am

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby janettemcknight » Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:13 pm

Please provide feedback. Is it good or bad? longer or shorter? Thanks!

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rinkrat19
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby rinkrat19 » Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:15 pm

For the love of everything holy, do not write your PS about a law-related movie or TV show.

janettemcknight
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:12 am

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby janettemcknight » Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:24 pm

Why? That's my story! I wasn't asking about the content. I am asking for flow of statement.

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paratactical
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby paratactical » Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:26 pm

I hope this is a joke.

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rinkrat19
Posts: 13912
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby rinkrat19 » Thu Oct 20, 2011 4:29 pm

janettemcknight wrote:Why? That's my story! I wasn't asking about the content. I am asking for flow of statement.

Because it makes you look unbelievably callow and naiive and the people reading it will laugh at you. It is a categorically terrible idea.

Stylistically, your writing is far too informal for a law school PS.
ETA: And don't use your real name on an internet forum.

I hope this is a flame. (But it's almost as bad as a flame as an actual PS.)

janettemcknight
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:12 am

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby janettemcknight » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:16 pm

Thanks for the insults. The thing is I didn't join this forum to be insulted. I wanted constructive criticism. I joined to show prospective students that everybody will have an opinion, but your personal statement is your to own. I used that same personal statement to get into a top law school, and you can do the same thing. :mrgreen:

freestallion
Posts: 944
Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:17 pm

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby freestallion » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:17 pm

janettemcknight wrote:Thanks for the insults. The thing is I didn't join this forum to be insulted. I wanted constructive criticism. I joined to show prospective students that everybody will have an opinion, but your personal statement is your to own. I used that same personal statement to get into a top law school, and you can do the same thing. :mrgreen:


orly? What school did you get into? And if you already got into a top school why are you asking for feedback....?

janettemcknight
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:12 am

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby janettemcknight » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:35 pm

To show how ignorant you guys are in these forums.

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thelawschoolproject
Posts: 1364
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby thelawschoolproject » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:37 pm

janettemcknight wrote:To show how ignorant you guys are in these forums.



bhaha.
Last edited by thelawschoolproject on Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

janettemcknight
Posts: 7
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2011 9:12 am

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby janettemcknight » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:39 pm

:mrgreen: I rest my case.

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paratactical
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby paratactical » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:40 pm

Since when is Tulane a top school?

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rinkrat19
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby rinkrat19 » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:41 pm

janettemcknight wrote:To show how ignorant you guys are in these forums.
Without proof that you got into any kind of decent school, let alone a "top" school, the only thing you're "showing" us is how bad a writer you are.

imjustjoking22
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:46 am

Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby imjustjoking22 » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:41 pm

janettemcknight wrote:Thanks for the insults. The thing is I didn't join this forum to be insulted. I wanted constructive criticism. I joined to show prospective students that everybody will have an opinion, but your personal statement is your to own. I used that same personal statement to get into a top law school Cooley, and you can do the same thing. :mrgreen:


FTFY

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thelawschoolproject
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby thelawschoolproject » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:42 pm

imjustjoking22 wrote:
janettemcknight wrote:Thanks for the insults. The thing is I didn't join this forum to be insulted. I wanted constructive criticism. I joined to show prospective students that everybody will have an opinion, but your personal statement is your to own. I used that same personal statement to get into a top law school Cooley, and you can do the same thing. :mrgreen:


FTFY



+1

I lol'd.

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RaleighStClair
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Re: My personal statement (Rough)- Please constructive criticism

Postby RaleighStClair » Thu Oct 20, 2011 5:44 pm

Seriously, though. You go to Tulane?




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