Critique

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
cmartin5970
Posts: 95
Joined: Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:49 pm

Critique

Postby cmartin5970 » Wed Oct 19, 2011 10:28 pm

Here is my personal statement

As I have matured, I have had an underlying desire to help those in need and throughout college I have been amazed to see all of the social injustices that still exist in America today. I realized that minority groups, immigrants, the elderly and people with disabilities are just a few groups of people who need better protection under the law and better representation. I felt this was my calling; thus I decided to go to law school. North Carolina Central University School of Law immediately stood out to me when I began researching law schools because of its commitment to public interest and civil rights. Community service and helping those in need have always been an integral part of my life. Throughout middle school and especially high school, I was very active within my church youth group and participated in various volunteer projects. These projects ranged from mission trips to Charleston, SC, building wheelchair ramps for those in my church, and renovating a house for an immigrant family new to our community. However different these tasks were, they all had a similar goal of helping those who were in need.
This past summer I interned at Rockingham County Courthouse in Wentworth, NC and it further increased my desire to pursue a law degree. I saw firsthand how many people cannot afford legal care, yet they deserve the same care as others. During my time at the courthouse, I talked with Stephen Ross, an alumnus of NCCU School of Law, and we shared similar values and goals. It was refreshing to see a lawyer who was genuinely interested and invested in helping those in need. Upon graduation, I would love to live in an area such as my home county or an inner city where poverty is prevalent and there is a strong demand for court appointed lawyers or public defenders. In addition to this, it would be my career goal to work for a civil rights advocacy group that works to bring equality to the people of this country.
The full protection of the law should be available to all citizens of this country, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation or religion. This ideal is what drives me to continue my education and pursue a law degree. To me, a law degree is a tool that can be used to bring about social justice, no matter how large or small the scale. I am currently enrolled in a Civil Rights class and it is amazing to me how many injustices still occur in this country. It can seem to an outside observer that our country is relatively equal because we do not have any blatant laws segregating any groups of people, but we still have a long way to go until we truly reach equality and justice for all. This mixed with my passion for helping others are the two main reasons why I want to become a lawyer and attend law school.
For these and many other reasons, I want to attend NC Central School of Law next year. The Civil Rights and Constitutional Law Concentration initially drew my attention to the school, but the more I have researched and studied the values of the school the more I want to attend North Carolina Central School of Law. I toured the school last year and was very impressed by the services that are offered to low income families within the area. My dream is to be able to make some sort of change in my lifetime and bring about more equality in this world, whether it is giving better legal counsel to those who normally cannot afford it, or fighting to give immigrants more rights under the law. I feel that North Carolina Central would give me the skills and knowledge that I need in order to accomplish and achieve my goals.

Any feedback would be apprecaited

horrorbusiness
Posts: 669
Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:49 pm

Re: Critique

Postby horrorbusiness » Thu Oct 20, 2011 1:39 am

cmartin5970 wrote:Here is my personal statement

As I have matured, I have had an underlying desire to help those in need and throughout college I have been amazed to see all of the social injustices that still exist in America today. I realized that minority groups, immigrants, the elderly and people with disabilities are just a few groups of people who need better protection under the law and better representation. I felt this was my calling; thus I decided to go to law school. North Carolina Central University School of Law immediately stood out to me when I began researching law schools because of its commitment to public interest and civil rights. Community service and helping those in need have always been an integral part of my life. Throughout middle school and especially high school, I was very active within my church youth group and participated in various volunteer projects. These projects ranged from mission trips to Charleston, SC, building wheelchair ramps for those in my church, and renovating a house for an immigrant family new to our community. However different these tasks were, they all had a similar goal of helping those who were in need.
This past summer I interned at Rockingham County Courthouse in Wentworth, NC and it further increased my desire to pursue a law degree. I saw firsthand how many people cannot afford legal care, yet they deserve the same care as others. During my time at the courthouse, I talked with Stephen Ross, an alumnus of NCCU School of Law, and we shared similar values and goals. It was refreshing to see a lawyer who was genuinely interested and invested in helping those in need. Upon graduation, I would love to live in an area such as my home county or an inner city where poverty is prevalent and there is a strong demand for court appointed lawyers or public defenders. In addition to this, it would be my career goal to work for a civil rights advocacy group that works to bring equality to the people of this country.
The full protection of the law should be available to all citizens of this country, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation or religion. This ideal is what drives me to continue my education and pursue a law degree. To me, a law degree is a tool that can be used to bring about social justice, no matter how large or small the scale. I am currently enrolled in a Civil Rights class and it is amazing to me how many injustices still occur in this country. It can seem to an outside observer that our country is relatively equal because we do not have any blatant laws segregating any groups of people, but we still have a long way to go until we truly reach equality and justice for all. This mixed with my passion for helping others are the two main reasons why I want to become a lawyer and attend law school.
For these and many other reasons, I want to attend NC Central School of Law next year. The Civil Rights and Constitutional Law Concentration initially drew my attention to the school, but the more I have researched and studied the values of the school the more I want to attend North Carolina Central School of Law. I toured the school last year and was very impressed by the services that are offered to low income families within the area. My dream is to be able to make some sort of change in my lifetime and bring about more equality in this world, whether it is giving better legal counsel to those who normally cannot afford it, or fighting to give immigrants more rights under the law. I feel that North Carolina Central would give me the skills and knowledge that I need in order to accomplish and achieve my goals.

Any feedback would be apprecaited


This is pretty bad. You don't convince anyone of anything. I don't think you really tried on this, to be honest.




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