Non-Traditional PS 1st draft

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ds52075
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:33 pm

Non-Traditional PS 1st draft

Postby ds52075 » Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:17 pm

Any feedback would be appreciated. As it is a first draft I'm sure there are many things that could be changed. I'm kinda stuck with the story as my life thus far has been boring. Too bad you can't write a personal statement about the drama of telling your wife that you want to quit your career, uproot the family, and become an unemployed student. Thanks in advance!


In November 2010 the [insert name] School Board voted to close ten public schools at the end of the school year. The school where I had spent the first five years of my teaching career was a victim of this decision. Just a few months earlier the Board had approved its guiding principles, affirming the value of equal educational opportunity for all students and stressing the benefit of neighborhood schools to this cause. In the aftermath of this decision I have come to realize the reasons I became a teacher, love of subject and a desire to help students, have become subordinate to the more rudimentary concerns of student and teacher rights. This realization has led me to the decision to pursue a legal career focused on these issues.
As a member of the Faculty Advisory Council I was approached by many of my colleagues in order to discuss employment and the steps that would need to be taken in response to the Board’s decision. Teachers were concerned about their jobs and the rights that they had as employees of the state. Utilizing information that I had received at a training on legal issues related to the teaching profession and, with the help of representatives from the North Carolina Association of Educators, answer the questions that were presented to me. Through these conversations I was able to get a sense of the fears that teachers were having and what issues to bring to the administration. I came away from the situation, however, wondering how teachers were supposed to be prepared for, and defend themselves, in situations like this. I saw this as an opportunity to help the profession by advocating for the legal rights of teachers.
Almost lost in this debate were the rights of the students themselves. Many of the students at this low-socioeconomic school received both educational and economic assistance. The decision of the School Board had far reaching implications for exceptional children services through federal IDEA laws, Title I grant money and the obligation of the state government to provide a sound, basic education. With the Parent, Teacher, and Student Association I worked to establish meetings with officials of the district in order to discuss issues related to the educational rights of the students at the school and their transition. Through this experience I got a glimpse into the policy decisions that are made at the macro level and the adverse impact that they can have on students.
The experience of going through a school closure was very difficult but through it I discovered another avenue to continue my desire for public service that initially led me to enter the teaching profession. In law school I hope to find an avenue that will allow me to use the law to have a larger impact on the way students and teachers experience the educational system.

LisaLaw
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 9:18 pm

Re: Non-Traditional PS 1st draft

Postby LisaLaw » Tue Oct 18, 2011 11:29 pm

So far it is a good and interesting story. More about how and why this led to or relates to you interest in law would be helpful.

ds52075
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:33 pm

Re: Non-Traditional PS 1st draft

Postby ds52075 » Wed Oct 19, 2011 5:49 am

Thanks for the reply. I'm thinking of developing a little more at the end of the sections on teacher and student rights. I don't want it to sound like a resume by putting "I did this..., I did that..." statements.

CanadianWolf
Posts: 10439
Joined: Wed Mar 24, 2010 4:54 pm

Re: Non-Traditional PS 1st draft

Postby CanadianWolf » Wed Oct 19, 2011 7:18 am

The "sentence" beginning with "Utilizing information..." is not a complete sentence. Also there are a couple of missing commas. Otherwise, this is a solid PS, in my opinion.

ds52075
Posts: 27
Joined: Sun Dec 26, 2010 11:33 pm

Re: Non-Traditional PS 1st draft

Postby ds52075 » Wed Oct 19, 2011 7:43 am

I appreciate it. I knew there would be some things like that. Thankfully I have access to an English teacher that is willing to help me with my PS and my Why X essays for grammar.




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