Personal Statement Draft - Please tear it to shreds
Posted: Tue Oct 18, 2011 1:25 pm
Here's the first draft of my personal statement. A bit of necessary background for the essay is that I graduated in 2009 with a 2.91 GPA. Any help is appreciated and please do not hold back.
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As hard as I try, I cannot remember his name. In a way, I don’t want to. Attaching a name to the face seems unnecessary, a distraction from his actions and how they impacted me. To me he is simply the lawyer who helped me in 8th grade and, by simply doing his job, changed my life.
It all started in mid-December 2000. A bully had attacked me in gym class, sparking a fight that got out of hand. In addition to the school disciplinary proceedings, the bully’s family decided to press criminal charges against me. It seemed that everything was falling apart. I was 14-years-old and I was convinced my life was already over. I had never been so terrified.
To completely grasp why this was so terrifying, you need to understand how my life had been up until that point. From a young age I had received nothing but praise and success. I was showered with words like ‘brilliant’ or ‘gifted’. Suddenly all that changed. I was removed from school, looked down upon, labeled with terms such as ‘dangerous’ and ‘threat’. Each new person I met as part of the process seemed bent on passing judgment on me. I have never felt more worthless in my life. Then I met with the lawyer my parents hired. Instead of judging or labeling me he listened as I recalled what had happened and then, in a clear and friendly manner, he explained what the law was and what I could expect to happen next. Just that simple act of kind professionalism made a world of difference to me.
Then there was the appearance in court. While I sat in front of the judge, stewing in my own anxiety, the lawyer stood and spoke, clearly, confidently, like I, who had yet to overcome a speech impediment, always wished I could. The settlement resulted in a suspended sentence contingent upon me completing bit of community service. I walked out of that courtroom thrilled. No more worrying about what would happen, no more fear over possibly going to juvenile hall. I felt liberated. The lawyer congratulated me and my parents and walked off. To him it was likely just another case. To me, it meant the world.
It was then that I realized I wanted to be a lawyer. I’m the type of person who places an emphasis on making a difference. It may be cliché, but I want to make the world a better place. To many aspiring lawyers that may mean convicting a notorious criminal or going after a corrupt corporation, but I know that you don’t have to be operating on that grand a scale to make a difference. If things had turned out differently for me back at age 14, I would be a completely different person. What that lawyer likely regarded as one simple case changed my life. I want a chance to make that kind of a difference.
Unfortunately, as time passed I wound up losing my way. Upon reaching college, I got lazy and complacent. My grades plummeted and I graduated realizing that I was not ready for law school. I knew at that point I didn’t have the dedication or the discipline to handle it. I job hunted and, after countless job applications and a string of temp or intern positions, landed a permanent job. I moved into a place of my own and got a crash course on cooking, cleaning, and home maintenance. These experiences, these rigors of real life, forced me to develop the discipline and dedication I needed and, in the sheltered world of school, had never developed.
I now know that I am ready face law school. I am eager to begin working towards a career in law, a career that will allow me to have the kind of positive impact on the world that I want to. I now have the discipline and dedication needed, and with hard work and perseverance I know that I will one day change someone’s life, like mine was, just by doing my job.
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As hard as I try, I cannot remember his name. In a way, I don’t want to. Attaching a name to the face seems unnecessary, a distraction from his actions and how they impacted me. To me he is simply the lawyer who helped me in 8th grade and, by simply doing his job, changed my life.
It all started in mid-December 2000. A bully had attacked me in gym class, sparking a fight that got out of hand. In addition to the school disciplinary proceedings, the bully’s family decided to press criminal charges against me. It seemed that everything was falling apart. I was 14-years-old and I was convinced my life was already over. I had never been so terrified.
To completely grasp why this was so terrifying, you need to understand how my life had been up until that point. From a young age I had received nothing but praise and success. I was showered with words like ‘brilliant’ or ‘gifted’. Suddenly all that changed. I was removed from school, looked down upon, labeled with terms such as ‘dangerous’ and ‘threat’. Each new person I met as part of the process seemed bent on passing judgment on me. I have never felt more worthless in my life. Then I met with the lawyer my parents hired. Instead of judging or labeling me he listened as I recalled what had happened and then, in a clear and friendly manner, he explained what the law was and what I could expect to happen next. Just that simple act of kind professionalism made a world of difference to me.
Then there was the appearance in court. While I sat in front of the judge, stewing in my own anxiety, the lawyer stood and spoke, clearly, confidently, like I, who had yet to overcome a speech impediment, always wished I could. The settlement resulted in a suspended sentence contingent upon me completing bit of community service. I walked out of that courtroom thrilled. No more worrying about what would happen, no more fear over possibly going to juvenile hall. I felt liberated. The lawyer congratulated me and my parents and walked off. To him it was likely just another case. To me, it meant the world.
It was then that I realized I wanted to be a lawyer. I’m the type of person who places an emphasis on making a difference. It may be cliché, but I want to make the world a better place. To many aspiring lawyers that may mean convicting a notorious criminal or going after a corrupt corporation, but I know that you don’t have to be operating on that grand a scale to make a difference. If things had turned out differently for me back at age 14, I would be a completely different person. What that lawyer likely regarded as one simple case changed my life. I want a chance to make that kind of a difference.
Unfortunately, as time passed I wound up losing my way. Upon reaching college, I got lazy and complacent. My grades plummeted and I graduated realizing that I was not ready for law school. I knew at that point I didn’t have the dedication or the discipline to handle it. I job hunted and, after countless job applications and a string of temp or intern positions, landed a permanent job. I moved into a place of my own and got a crash course on cooking, cleaning, and home maintenance. These experiences, these rigors of real life, forced me to develop the discipline and dedication I needed and, in the sheltered world of school, had never developed.
I now know that I am ready face law school. I am eager to begin working towards a career in law, a career that will allow me to have the kind of positive impact on the world that I want to. I now have the discipline and dedication needed, and with hard work and perseverance I know that I will one day change someone’s life, like mine was, just by doing my job.