Thoughts?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mdamorica
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:00 pm

Thoughts?

Postby mdamorica » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:21 am

thanks, appreciate the thoughts.
Last edited by mdamorica on Fri Oct 14, 2011 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mdamorica
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:00 pm

Re: Thoughts?

Postby mdamorica » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:44 pm

anyone?

horrorbusiness
Posts: 669
Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:49 pm

Re: Thoughts?

Postby horrorbusiness » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:53 pm

mdamorica wrote:
In a sense, that conversation transformed me as a person. As I walked out the front door and onto the street, I was no longer a selfish boy coasting through life; I had become a man actively seeking to improve the lives of others.



This is outrageous. Too much cliche/hyperbole here. Come back down to earth and be a little more real with the adcomms.

Your entire PS is about volunteering once in a soup kitchen? You seem like an empathetic, intelligent person. I bet you have something more substantial to write about.

horrorbusiness
Posts: 669
Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2011 6:49 pm

Re: Thoughts?

Postby horrorbusiness » Fri Oct 14, 2011 6:57 pm

Also, what is the nature of this "xxxxx" club? A fraternity? Religious club? Service org?

Seneca
Posts: 142
Joined: Wed Sep 07, 2011 5:00 pm

Re: Thoughts?

Postby Seneca » Fri Oct 14, 2011 7:15 pm

I agree with both previous posters. First, the type of organization with which you were involved could be important to evaluate the PS. Second, law schools are looking for signs of growth or achievement - a singular personal revelation doesn't offer the same depth of insight into you as an applicant.

While I agree that you seem like a sincere and empathetic person, I just don't buy that "those two words" singularly prompted this huge coming-of-age and inspiration for a legal career. It comes across as cliche, yes, but I also want to caution you against coming across as one-dimensional in your characterization of yourself and the other man - it's just too "I'm very privileged, he is in a bad place, now I want to Do The Right Thing and Help People by being a lawyer." The issue is that based on your PS as is, I'm inclined to believe that you'll find more fulfillment by working in a soup kitchen than practicing law. I think you should consider taking a more complex approach in your PS - taking it beyond this one narrative -to articulate exactly why you think law is your ideal path, whether it involves this instance or goes in a completely different direction.




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